"Happy holidays! No offense..."

As I get older and spend more time contemplating Theology and life, I find that my understanding of holidays as a whole is undergoing significant change. My priorities and my focus all have shifted. Christmas is not what it used to be for me, and I'm happy that it isn't. The majority of Christmas music hurts my soul! If I hear that blasted song that says "I wanna see Christmas through your eyes" one more flippin time!!!....I'm sorry, I digress.

I have a good deal of thought concerning holidays, and I would like that Americans (particularly Christians) do not celebrate holidays enough, and when they do it isn't done well.  Lost in commercialism and selfishness, we fail to celebrate the holidays as they were meant to and, therefore, do not reap the benefits of said holidays. As a result, we suffer spiritually, physically, mentally, and culturally. Again, I digress. This is not what I wanted to focus on for my post, but I do believe needed to be said. I will expand on my thoughts in another post, but what really is my focus here is my hearing arguments about "offending" people.

Again, Christians fail at this. I'm not being critical of the Church here...I'm just pointing out a flaw in our thinking that needs to be addressed so that we can move forward and be more worshipful in our living. I've heard a lot of talk of how the Church should be as unoffensive as possible. "We don't want to offend people" is the stance that the White House took in saying "Holiday Trees" rather than "Christmas Trees", and what happened? People got offended. Possible more people than if they had stood by what they claimed to believe and said "Christmas Trees". The fact is that it is impossible to not offend someone, especially in America where people seem to look for chance to be offended and cause a ruckus ..it's a portion of the fallen nature of man that has taken hold in our culture.

To never offend someone is either to A) do absolutely nothing or to B) live life walking on eggshells and being a completely different person every time you change who you are around. The former will ultimately end in someone being offended; the latter will leave you broken and without any sense of identity or integrity and you will be enslaved to the beliefs and the stupidity of anyone that comes near you. It is an unhealthy way to live and it will destroy you. So to live healthy means that you will offend someone. If you care too much about what people say about you and about offending them, then you are probably living in fear and in sin...enslaved by people rather than living a holy and spiritual life that God desires for us. You are stripped of happiness and joy; caged by your own worldview.

The Gospel is offensive...Church is offensive...you can't escape it. To try is to dishonor our God, who had no problem offending people when it was needed. Neither should we. At the same time we should not waste our time and energy raising up arguments about "holiday trees" when there are far more important things that need to be discussed and fought for. Like our rights to bear arms and the evils of abortions.

People are offended by the death of 20 precious children and demand that guns be outlawed...while even more are offended by the murdering of hundreds of thousand of babies in the name of "human rights" and nothing is done! Stop tippy toeing and trying to not step on peoples toes and start standing for truth and for the things worth fighting for. I wish you all a Merry Christmas! May your Holy day be beautiful and full of the blessing of our Lord Christ. May you abandon your selfishness and your pride and remember to celebrate and give thanks to God for what He has done. Celebrate life by giving to those you love and be with them in unity and fellowship. Do not cry if you don't get the color iPhone you want, it will be worthless within the year. Put an end to your vain longings and set your thoughts on things that matter, like God and people.

Peace be with you all,

Stephen

Having a Moment...

Have you ever thought of the phrase "I just had a moment"? It's such a strange phrase. It makes very little sense if you think about it. Had...a...moment. And yet I find myself thinking of how just thirty minutes ago I had an experience that I can describe with no other words than "had a moment". I do not mean it in terms of psychological breakdown...but instead of a sudden and brief period of time where everything in life seemed to shift and life became a blur. It was a moment in which I felt a deep and unyielding desire that I have not felt in some time.

I was on my way from the laundry room to my apartment, listening to music, and reflecting on life as it is and how much things have changed in the last year alone. In the midst of my thoughts and emotions there rose this sudden desire to sing a song called "Moving Forward" by Israel Houghton that I haven't heard (or sung) in a very long time. It then passed a desire for God overwhelmed me. I got into my apartment as quickly as possible and put my clothes in my room as the emotions and the intense feeling of desire kept increasing...and before I knew it I was standing in the dark, right in the center of my living room and letting my emotions and desires rush over me and I began to pray.

Intimacy...this was my prayer. A closeness and a unity with God. For a long while I have been seeking to understand who I am, and then to apply what I learn to real life. I have definitely been seeking God before this moment, but nothing as strong or as relentless as this moment in time that came like a sudden wind...not knowing from where it came or to where it ever went or even still to where it will soon be. It is a beautiful and wonderful experience that touches the heart, the mind, and the soul...

This I hold as evidence...dear sweet truth of the Holy Spirit dwelling within me and I wish I felt it so strongly more often.

Reset

Sometimes I wish life was like my old Nintendo...if I mess up I can just hit "reset" and try again. Eventually I'd have every move, every step planned out perfectly to react to the appropriate approaching obstacle that I wouldn't have had foresight to avoid the first run through. Sadly, life doesn't come with a reset button. Whatever happens is "auto saved" in real time and there is nothing that we can do about time that slips by us.

Many might say that I am too young to begin thinking like this...I don't think so. I might be, however, too young to know how to handle such a realization. No? Ok. In that case I have not the maturity and strength of will to handle it. I want to despair over time wasted and words spoken in vain. This, however, is not a very godly way of approaching life, and it is void of grace. Grace should overwhelm our lives. No it should not become a justification for wasting time or sinning, but it should allow us to say "Ok, I messed up...but I can do better and I don't have to be angry or feel condemned for what I have or haven't done."

One of the most striking phrases I have heard in a church service was during a time of confession during a vespers service that I attended at an AMIA (Anglican Mission to America) church service. It went like this :

"Heavenly Father, we confess that we have sinned against You in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done and by what we have left undone. We have not loved You with our whole hearts; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves..."

Every time I say this words, I sense the presence of God. In my yielding and confessing I sense His grace being poured out on me and I am renewed. It has come to my attention of late that I am not so gracious to myself. I do not think it possible for one to "forgive" one's own self, but I do think it possible to withhold grace from oneself. This I do often. I also do not own up to reality and say "what is don't is behind me, don't fret it and make the change." This is the most ungodly thing about me that I can currently name.

To day I heard a priest say "it sinful to think too highly of yourself, but it also sinful to think too lowly of yourself." Here is where I fall short time and time again. It's something that affects more than just me, but also my friends and loved ones. This is not what I desire for the rest of my life. Instead I'd rather stand tall, look at all that has transpired, and say "no more!" So I pray for the Holy Spirit's continual loving mercy to mold and shape my mind and my heart that I might move forward in peace to love and serve the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. To live...truly live life in the presence of God the Almighty and enjoy His creation unto my death.

Peace be with you all.

Stephen

Stay Connected

It's the 21st Century! We have advanced in technology and technology makes the world a better place!

Or does it???

It is easy for one to argue either way. One aspect of technology that I want to focus on, however, is that which connects us and keeps open multiple lines of communication. Today we are all consistently aware of what others are saying, thinking, and doing by way of Facebook, Twitter, and various forms of social media, as well as having cell phones that keeps our friends and family just a few short rings away at all times. Many would think of this as a wonder that has brought progress and advancement to the world, and they would be right in saying so! But what else have these things brought us?

I don't think we realize the problems that have also been wrought by our so called "advancements". For one, technology has led to the depersonalizing of relationships. Certain social networks have taken away the risk in relationships, as well as devalued the meaning of the word "friend". Today, everyone is automatically a "friend" so long as they have sent a friend request. No one personally shares their stories with there friends. Instead they pour it out for everyone to see/read.

Boundaries are broken because of the advancement of technology. Privacy is invaded, and people are quicker to speak without thinking first. Many people make statements online that, if they were in the presence of all the people they have "friended", would think twice about saying and ultimately choose not to say. Emotion and personality are significantly reduced by the use of texting and social networks.

Ultimately, one could argue that we are in fact LESS connected because of advancement. When communication is reduced to short, emotional-driven statement made in haste and without discernment as to whom is reading, then we are left with relationships that are raped by emotions and by cold, unforgiving delusions of popularity and friendship.

Also, I question the value in people also being contactable? This severely affects the much needed solitude and silence that are needed for one's psyche. These are two spiritual disciplines that are all but lost because of all that I have mentioned above. With the presence of cell phone, people suddenly are loaded with false obligations and responsibility. How many of you have been reprimanded for not answering your phone? Or for not responding to a text fast enough? Is it your responsibility to do so? There is no scripture that says "Thou shalt make yourself as available as possible for others" or "If thou art within the reach of one's voice, then thou shalt heed it!" No, this is not a Bible taught concept. Again, this is a violation of privacy and of personal boundaries. Too much "communication" can be bad, especially since these forms have overridden true quality time with other members of humanity.

Don't get me wrong. I am grateful  for technology and I am grateful for what cell phones and social media can do to better our lives; to ease our lives. I simply am stating that we need to be aware of the problems that can incur because of it and work to keep these from affecting us, our relationships, and the unity of the Church.

Peace be upon you all,

Stephen

"Respect"

It seems that I may have provided the wrong impression concerning my "not feeling respected". This was not me simply being on an ego trip or being down on myself. No, this was something far different.

We read about ancient civilizations and how people sought to have honor for themselves and their family. To BE honorable people, to BE people worthy of respect. This is kind of the angle I am coming from. I guess where I was coming from is the belief that I am not yet one to be honored. I believe that there is within m,e the power and characteristics that are necessary to be one that is respectable, but I have just not yet stepped into the position, or I have not yet begun to use those skills in a way that it is noticeable.

Now, let me be clear. The goal I have is not to do things so that I will get noticed, but instead to live out such a life of honor and discipline that it is noticeable without my seeking to be noticed. You tracking?

Here are some of the questions that I've been asking of myself:

• "Do my words hold wisdom, or halfhearted babble?"
• "Are my words reliable? Can people listen to what I say and know for a fact that I am honest and sincere?"
• "Do I live out what I teach?"
• "How do I interact with people around me? Am I a good example to others?"
• "Is my lifestyle one that is honorable and reflective of my God and my love for Him?"

These are the questions I place before myself to filter and sum up myself for the purpose of improving myself and to become more disciplined. If you are reading this and you know me, or you have merely been reading my blog and think you have some insight into who I am, please feel free to comment, message, or email me (sgreen2049@gmail.com) and share your thoughts! Do you think I am a respectable person? Why or why not? What are so observations you might have about me to help me answer the questions above? 

Also, examine your life! Ask yourself these questions and see what you come up with!

Peace be with you!

Stephen

Stay FRESH!

Something that came to my mind the other day was the topic of "revelation". Now, I'm not referring to the book of Revelations found at the end of the New Testament, but I do plan on referring to that in just a moment. No, what I am referring to is the often believed goal for one reading scripture. Growing up I constantly heard that one needed a "fresh revelation" from God to be able to grow or operate in the kingdom of God.

I'm not speaking against one receiving a revelation from God. I simply believe that it doesn't happen as often as people would like to think it does. I also believe that, more often than not, people are too fixated on receiving a "revelation" that they conjure one up or take the first random thought that pops into their head as a revelation without checking themselves or testing it first.

Actually I think that Christians as a whole have a tendency to fixate on some singular aspect of Christianity or spirituality and, therefore, miss out on other important parts of their faith structure. Too many suffer because of the single mindedness of people. If you are going to concentrate on one thing and one thing only, then let it be upon the worship and adoration of God, then perhaps through that you might fulfill all else. Our jobs as Christians is not to "receive revelation", memorize the Bible, or turn our small community Church into a mega church. No we are supposed to love God with our hearts, minds, physical strength, and everything that is within us, and then love others. But I digress.

So why, if one receives a true revelation from God, is it that they are seeking another one the very next moment? Why not take then one you just received and apply it to your life first?! Do the Holy Spirit's revelations have such a short life span that one must try and get a new one every week or every day??? I think that we are treating the Holy Spirit's moving and speaking into our lives too flippantly and not with the gratitude and respect that is deserved. We are too caught up in being awed and getting what we want and as much as we want to truly appreciate what He does in fact give us.

Believe me when I say that I am just as guilty of this as anyone. Many who read this will probably not understand, and many more will be offended by what I say. I pray that God gives me and you understanding in this matter so that we can live fully to His glory and honor what the Holy Spirit does in each of our lives.

Peace be with you all,

Stephen

New Beginnings

Change can be such a difficult, yet exciting, part of life. Some fear it, others crave it, and everyone experiences it. Change is an important aspect, dare I say necessity, of life that pushes us to grow and to be more than carbon copies of our parents or mere byproducts of our environment.

This week I have stepped into a new stage of life that both scares me and excites me. I've moved to a new city for a new job and to get connected to a new church. Everything is new! Thankfully I do have a couple friends that live in the area who have been true blessings to me during this time.

It's only been a week and I've already begun to see change in my life due to the Spirit's revealing, pressuring, and purging. I can honestly say that I think I have experienced every possible emotion there is to experience, except for that which one might feel when jumping out of a plane or staring down the barrel of a gun.

What I have learned thus far:

1. I have seen who my friends truly are and have grown closer to many of them through this experience. I am so grateful for the friendship that God has blessed me with. I am also grateful for support from family, including a few whom I never thought would so me love or support.
2. I need time alone, but I also need people. While it has been well known that I am an introverted person and have often shied away form people and been a bit of a wall flower at social gathering, I am indeed a social person. I need people. I need relationships. Many do not understand that I am a relational person at all. 
3. I have a lot of questions that suddenly I am not afraid to have answered
4. I don't feel like I'm respected by people and I strongly desire to feel respected.

I have a great deal of stuff to to learn. So much to deal with. I'm about to make some of the greatest steps of growth and healing that I've ever done. I will make new friends, I will be hurt, I will experience joy and pain...I will sing songs of life and of lament, I will dance and I will mourn, but I know that I will endure all things until my appointed time. Whenever that may be. 

I'm ready for the change. 

Vows of Love and the Words that Imply Them

I'm not one to talk about love or relationship of a romantic nature. It's outside my realm of knowledge or comfort. Recently, however, I watched the movie called "The Vow" and it left me with a lot of things to think about. Actually I am resisting the temptation to sit here and write up three different blog posts...but I digress.

Vows: that dastardly use of words to convey loyalty and affection; to create promises of allegiance and/or self-sacrifice with the implication that one's words are trustworthy and will ever be fulfilled until a certain condition (more commonly death) has been accomplished or invoked.

Its amazing how little vows mean to society today. Especially among Christians, who seem to make more vows than anyone else (or at least by my observation). It is no longer easy to trust the words of others. A fact evidenced by ever growing need for detailed contracts with witnesses and special seals. I once heard a friend say that contracts rely on a base trust among individuals to believe that one will fulfill the written contract, but in my mind I see the use of them at all as a proof of distrust, not to mention that many contracts are left unfulfilled.

Sadly it is no different for marital vows. So many speak words without sincerity or without truly seeking to work at keeping their vows. It appears to me (and forgive my bluntness), there are far too many people still walking around and breathing in light of all the marriages that have ended just this year. Now, I'm not saying that there are not biblical reasons for divorce. I would stand to say that abuse and continual adultery are valid reasons for divorce, while still very unfortunate and heartbreaking, as well as displeasing to God. These two actions are in complete disregard to the vows that were made during the couple's wedding ceremony. A friend of mine once told me that "It is more biblical for me to murder my wife than for me to divorce her. But I would never murder her." I think that this is a beautiful and yet...disturbing, image that we all need to grasp. Murder is recognized as being ultimately wrong, but no one is willing to hold vows and marriage to the standard that they should. Perhaps it is the overwhelming pride and self-contentedness of humanity without the old cultural pressures to "make it work" that has led us to this place.

Vows are far more significant than any mere contract. It is a matter of honor, trust, reputation, and the persons very life is bound to a vow that is spoken. Christians have a tendency to make a lot of these, usually to God, but often to others in the form of false friendship and deceitful acts of love. Additionally, there is the famous phrase "I'll be praying for you!" or "Let me know if there is anything I can do!" which are both too often spoken flippantly and without being fulfilled. A great tragedy of the age. The bearers of truth showing smile and speaking meaningless words that leave people broken and hurt. Distrust reigns and sin abounds because people are unwilling to uphold integrity and follow through with what they vow.

Do not take my post as arrogant. I am just as guilty of the same crime. I call my own integrity into question and ask of myself "what vows have you spoken vainly?", "What words have you said without thinking?", and "How can I overcome this?"

May we always seek to do what we say and say what we do. That all that is said is said with intentionality and purpose rather than manipulation or disregard.

Peace be with you all,

Stephen

Preparing to Worship

How does one prepare themselves for worship? What steps does on take? How does one manipulate his or her own heart or mind to being "prepared" to worship God? Are these even the right questions?

Yesterday I was spending time with my good friend Matt Green, author and editor of the blog From the Library to the Lectern, and talking about this very topic. Though we only talked about it briefly, I found myself with a great deal to write on the subject.

I grew up in a pentecostal/charismatic worship environment where I often heard things like "Get your hearts ready for worship", "Let us prepare to worship God" (This one is usually said after the first two song that are generally fast paced and come right before the one or two slow songs that sum up the typical worship service", and also "I hope you have come prepared to worship".

Such statements leads church goers to begin to question themselves. For the "outsider" who has never been to church before, they might begin to be confused and question their assumption that simply by desiring to come and participate that they are in fact...prepared. Then again, many people come to hear the preaching form the pastor, and could care very little about expressing love and worship to God.

SO back to the original question. How does one prepare themselves for worship? Most people I know would say "by listening to good Christian music on your way to church!" or "by praying, fasting, and or speaking in tongues while you drive!" I find these answer rather unsatisfactory.

1. Simply listening to "good Christian music" is more or less a paradox these days, and listening to "worship" music does not make one ready to worship.
2. If one were to sing along to the worship music they are playing for the purpose of becoming worshipful, are they not worshiping?
3. Praying, fasting, and speaking in tongues are not instruments for making one worshipful. While practicing these things can in fact grow one closer to God, they do not prepare one for worship. Though I will not deny the connectivity of these said action to worship. 
4. Why is worship limited to one or two songs during a service on Sunday?
5. People who sing worship songs on their way to church may still not even worship once there. 
6. I think that our concept of worship is incredibly off base. We boil worship down to either the displaying of emotions, or to the reciting of ancient liturgical writings while missing the real point of worship: God. 

If your heart is not in a place in which you feel excited about going to a worship service, it does not make you a terrible person. We all go through times in our lives where we don't have a desire to worship (in Christianese this called a "dry season" or a "valley"). God does not love you less for this, nor does it mean that you are drifting from God. 

They are a great number of reasons as to why you might be experiencing this lack of desire. A lot of times it's because we get caught up in the stresses and turmoils of life and we lose focus on God, or we neglect to talk something out with Him. We put away our wrestlings and questions that we have concerning life and come with our minds in a fog. While listening to music and praying and speaking in tongues are all ways of bring God back into the forefront place in our minds, they are often promoters of unhealthiness when used by people to ignore or push aside emotions and unprocessed thought. 

Worship is lifting up of God and standing in awe of Him, honoring Him by being what He has created us to be and marveling at His creation and His deeds. How can we do that properly when we do not look at the world around us? How can we worship God when we shove all of reality out of our minds or leave our emotions toward God and towards life/reality unprocessed? 

I believe it is possible, but not to the fullest of our abilities. I have begun to recognize the need for knowledge of God and for the mystery of God to invade me mind. I have found myself worshiping God more and more with my intellect and with deeply meaningful liturgy than with tears and emotion driven singing (though I see purpose and placement for those as well). 

What are your thoughts on worship? What do you think it means to worship or to "prepare" for worship? What brought you to this conclusion?

Peace be with you all,

Stephen

Friendship...tis a Wonderful Thing!

Today I was reflecting over how my last four years have significantly shaped my world. An are that I used to have trouble with was the area of friendship. NO...it was not because I was home-schooled. The fact is that it has been difficult for me long before homeschooling. I never quite connected with others as well as they seemed to connect. I was always hanging out with the kids who were Star Wars lovers, or the ones who just liked to look at my drawings. I have had one kid try to buy a drawing from me once! (To this day I regret not taking that 5 bucks...)

But I digress. Some of the issues I faced in my life were: 1) The overwhelming desire to be better than everyone else, 2) The desire for everyone to like me (you should already be seeing a problem), 3) The belief that I am unlikable, 4) The awareness of being different than everyone else. I was more compassionate towards people, I didn't ever think girls were "icky", I was more considerate to others and their feelings, I was more emotional, I didn't like watching sports or talking about cars, I am ginger...

So even at a very early age I faced an identity crisis, and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. I eventually lost myself to my insecurities and self hatred.

Now that I'm done with giving my testimony snip it for the day, lets get back to the topic. Going to college has helped me stand up and us my abilities as a social person. In fact I am well gifted as a social person and friend (though many would not have known this before my having gone to college).

I know for sure that God led me to Bryan College so that I could experience what it means to be in community. It is an essential for humanity that I have seriously been deprived of because of poorly run churches growing up or varies circumstances that I faced.

Tonight I got home from work to find a package on my desk from my friend in Connecticut. She sent me chocolates, because in the last two years that I've known here I have consistently brought her chocolates when she was sick. Me never being sick, didn't quite give her the opportunity to return the favor, but since I've been sick this entire week...she took advantage of the situation to really brighten my day :) It's amazing how something as simple as a bag of chocolates can have such meaning and have an affect of that magnitude!

I also got the opportunity to have dinner with a friend of mine that I haven't seen in a couple month. She and I shared many stories and experiences that we had endured at our work places in the last couple months and shared thoughts and opinions. This was such a refreshing experience for me since it is not often that I get to have conversations like that!

Additionally, I had one friend call to invite me over for dinner with him and his wife. I had to decline due to my previously acquired plans for dinner, but the fact that I was invited was significant to me.

One friend called to see how I was after reading my blog post and seeing I was sick, another to tell me how she got an invite to dating sight from a guy who was crushing on her 6 years ago, and the list goes on.

The point is that friendships have refreshed me, brought me joy, caused me pain, and shaped me into a better person. I have been able to grow and become more and more Me than I was just a few years ago, and college has caused that to grow in even greater doses! If God had not changed me back when I was 16 and began to put friends into my life...and then also not led me to Bryan...then I would be a jumbled mess of a person and without love of life or people...or even God. In His grace He has allowed me to love people and for people to love me so that I can honor Him and love Him even more than I did before.

Our relationships with God are indeed personal, but they are not private. They are collectively personal. That's how God uses us to help each other, while also being their in the midst. It's not just one-on-one. It's One-on-one-on-7 Billion. Friendship is God's tool in our lives to keep us whole and healthy. What have your friends done for you lately? :)

Peace be with you all,

Stephen

"Shall We Dance?"

Today I was disgustingly sick. Headache, weak, stopped up, cough deeply, and even threw up a couple times. Didn't want to eat, didn't want to move...it sucked. So I did what I always do when I feel like that. That's right, you guessed it. Brewed myself a hot drink and watched a chick flick. haha. Tonight I chose "Shall We Dance?" starring Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez. I love this movie. Tonight, however, I didn't just enjoy it. I was MOVED by it.

No no, when I say "moved" I don't mean "oh man it was so sad it made me cry!" (Though I did do that too. Should God grace me with a wife I'm certain she will appreciate this attribute of mine. Just saying), but what I do mean is that I was challenged and I was inspired!

The movie contains two primary characters and about a half dozen secondary characters, and then about a half dozen characters that are a step below that. What we see in this movie is that the two primaries (John Clark and Paulina) are both facing a season of their lives in which they have lost direction and happiness. Their worlds collide, and through friendship (and dance) they go on a journey of self discovery and growth. Throughout the entire movie, you will see that there is character development taking place. Lives are changed.

The message is clear, don't sit on the sidelines of your life. Get up and go "dance"! Don't let fears get in the way and don't just get caught up in the mundane. Lastly it had a theme of "be yourself".

These are all significant themes for me. These are areas in which I struggle in life. I think a lot of times we hold ourselves back, either because of fear or because we let others rule our lives. They rule us through manipulation, lies, teaching, our own bitterness and unforgiveness, etc etc etc. We must learn to over come this. We must stop worrying about what others think about us and live out who God has made us to be. We do Him a severe injustice by not being the people that He has designed. I long for the change and growth that I saw take place in the movie. Even though the movie is not real, I think it bears truth and shows what can take place in real lives everywhere.

Peace be with you all,

Stephen

Authentic Friendship and the Problem of Equality

Friendship is such an interesting aspect of the Image of God in our lives, and is something not easily understood. In the life of the minister, employer, or person of authority it is even more difficult. As a former youth leader and a Christian Ministry major, I will thus focus on the the difficulties that a minister must face concerning the topic.

"It is loneliest at the top..."

I had the privilege of sitting down yesterday with a local college minister who was wrestling with this very issue. The problem he was trying to process in his mind was the idea of "professional distance" and having "authentic relationships".

I asked people I knew what their thoughts were. One woman, being a supervisor at here work, shared that having a close friendship with those under yourself is difficult. She had this to say:

"It is hard to be a friend and boss at the same time and you always have those under you who might misinterpret the friendship and feel you owe them a favor, in a working place. I tried being a friend to all of my employees but I had to make sure that when it came to direction they understood; that I was coming from the boss side of me. But, I also allowed them to vent to me without repercussions. But this takes a lot of energy out of you to do this; but I found that if you give them respect, they give you respect in return. I hope this helps from my point of view as a supervisor. I know there are people who believe opposite as I do and have a set of demands for the people under them."

But what about the position of the minister? Is the minister supposed to be a shaper of community and relationship? Absolutely! I talked with 4 other people and 3 of them stated that it is indeed possible to have an authentic relationship between a minister and members of the congregation. One even claimed to have even seen it unfold in her own church back home!

It's the fourth friend's opinion that really struck me, however, and led me to rethinking my own position, or at least my approach to the issue. He stated that ministers/pastors/priests are the spiritual authority over their parish/church. He listed the following reasons as to why the answer is "no":

1. They must be unbiased in the even that there is dispute among the laity. 
2. They cannot allow themselves to appear as if they are showing favoritism. 
3. They must maintain the respect of the people they are over and in pouring themselves out to people within a congregation they run the risk of losing their ability to minister to those same people. 
4. It is hard/nearly impossible to have a purely disciple-mentor relationship in which the mentor can pour out his heart. He's supposed to be a voice of wisdom and understanding for the one being discipled. 

This covers the basis of what my friend had to share. Diving a little deeper into the matter, we concluded that it is not IMPOSSIBLE for there to be a said friendship. Actually I believe that a minister can effectively cultivate many authentic friendships with those that he ministers to and is in spiritual authority over, but the depth of those friendships and the vulnerability will be limited from person to person. Lets be honest, we want to be friends with those who are spiritually mature and to be mentored by those who are exceedingly above our own maturity. The minister would not want to seek wisdom and advice from someone who is spiritually immature. On the flip side, the person who is spiritually mature does not need the same level or type of discipling. It's possible, but the conditions must be right for it to happen. It depends on the minister and the individual congregant. 

For me, I can be close to a minister and still uphold him with respect and follow his authority, but there aren't that many who can. This is a significant factor to consider in the issue. There does not have to be equality in authority or intellect or wisdom, but they are significant factor to the equation. It's why so many friendships go through rough seasons and many even grow apart, but it isn't impossible. I also wonder how much of this is a side effect of the American culture. Thoughts anyone???

Peace be with you all,

Stephen

Church Math

It's amazing that there aren't more mathematicians coming out of the Church these days. In recent years, Christians seem to have become really good at doing math! Pastors are always talking about addition and increase in peoples finances. In many baptist churches, people are incredibly involved in the budgeting and Christians all across America understand percentages (and usually make sure that they hit exactly 10%; making sure to give enough to please God but not too much so as to seem generous).

I can't tell you how many times I've heard pastors talk about the Church getting better at multiplication, but Google tells me that, at forty-one thousand denominations, it is more accurate to say that the Church has mastered division.

Legalistic teaching has led people to subtracting from their lives things that God does not really want removed, and adding rules and restrictions that imply a works based grace. Many have even claimed to reach a state of sanctification which is squarely rooted in pride and ignorance. Pastors are too busy formulating services and sermons to draw people in and make them happy because they are too concerned with the quantity in the pews and not the quality in the classrooms.

I think it's funny how so many Protestants get angry about cathedrals that display a lofty expression of love for God, while so many aren't willing to give to the poor or even pay their "tithes and offerings". People to busy pointing figures to point other people's flaws when they haven't even gotten close to getting the equation right themselves.

When the positives and the negatives all even out, there is nothing there to brag about. All that's left is a dead, stagnant body that has found it's medium and become lukewarm.

The problem is not the Church's math, but instead it's their application. God didn't call us to live in health, wealth, and prosperity. He called us to live holy. He made us to govern creation, to love Him and to love others. He already laid out a paradigm for us to follow in His scriptures.

It's my life.

Tonight I had a much needed hang out time with a friend that I haven't seen in months! We started getting caught up on our lives and talking about what we've been through and where we are going in life. She is packing up and moving to Hawaii! HOLY CRAP! That's quite a move! We talked for a while and she shared how she felt like it was something that is much needed in her life right now.

"It's your life, stop worrying about what other people think"

As for me, the idea seems scary, but it's not like I haven't contemplated doing similar things. As we talked further she looked at me and told me that I needed to stop living my life worrying about what other people think. She told me that I needed to stop living to please people and remember that even though it's good to give and to care for others, it cannot be at the cost of myself. I cannot lose myself and who I am because I'm afraid of what others might think of me or because someone might get hurt.

It's true. While I desire to never hurt people, it is impossible. I'm only human, and the fact is...so is everyone else. I know better than anyone how easy it is to get one's feelings hurt over nothing or from misunderstanding. It happens. People are hurting and broken, and if I live to never hurt anyone...then I'm just going to suffocate.

It's not wrong to put other peoples needs aside to take care of your own. The fact is that if you ignore your issues, then you are crippling yourself and becoming less effective to help others. It's why so many pastors and church leaders burn out. They forget to take care of their own needs because they feel the pressure to take care of everyone else's. They fail to set up proper boundaries that allow themselves time to relax and renew. It's not selfish, it's necessary and biblical. Even Jesus did it.

I have a life to live, I have a soul to tend to, and I have a body to manage. It's my life and I'm responsible for how I live it and what I do with my time that God has given to me. Worrying about what others think or letting others tell me how to run it is not being a good steward.

"A man that is at war with himself, will be at war with others." 

It's plain and simple. If I want to help others and be an instrument of healing and life in the world, then I need to take the time to heal myself and to grow closer to God.

So I'm just going to be real here. My relationship with God has been shifting a lot. While I've had a couple people say a few things that imply that they do not think very much of my spiritual life, many others have said good things. I have learned that ratios of positive versus negative opinions do not give an accurate report of one's spiritual life. So I must ignore both...for the most part. I have Spiritual people in my life that I trust to be honest and to speak what is beneficial to my life, regardless of whether it is positive or negative.

I do not pray as I used to, with shouting and jumping and angry shouting against the devil. I do, however, pray with great heartache, great passion, desire, and honesty. I think that honesty and depth in prayer is far more important than how I pray. It makes little difference to God, I think, whether one is dancing and shouting...or if they are sitting cross-legged on the floor in quiet contemplation. I also think He cares little about what music is playing while we are praying, if any. He doesn't want us to ramble; He wants us to pray words of sincerity and thoughtful contemplation. Just my thoughts.

My spiritual life has suffered of late, because I have failed to take care of my emotional needs, my intellectual needs, and my physical needs. I have failed to uphold necessary boundaries for others and for myself, and as a result my spiritual self grows weak and sick. Encourage me because you love me, talk to me cause you like me, listen to me cause you genuinely want to be there for me, and if you just want to use and control me so go ahead and walk away. Even if I never know it, God does and trust...He got my back.

Peace be with you all,

Stephen

 

"Truth is?"

The fact is that truth is more often than not something other than what we actually think it is. I have been in a life long battle with "truth" and I'm really just starting to get it. God is truth, and beside Him there is only that which He declares true. There is reality because the ultimate Truth Himself spoke everything to be.

Forgive me, I stray from my topic! Earlier this afternoon I began reading a book called "Telling Yourself the Truth" by Backus and Chapian. By the end of the first page I was already thinking "Woah...this was written for me!" Already, the book shattered a false belief in my life. This false belief is that I'm the only one who feels the way I do or thinks the way I think. The authors gave examples of people who say the EXACT same words that I tell myself all the time.

The truth is that I believe lies the bleed out of hurt emotions and a severe habit of self destruction. My "self-talk" takes a problem or an issue and dwells on it; makes it worse; and causes my joy, peace, and happiness to implode on themselves. My desire is to change this about my life and walk in truth rather than foolish lying and self degrading self talk.

I think that too often many of us get lost in the past and in our feelings. We jump to conclusions and for those, like me, you might be stuck in a pattern or habit of lying to yourself or letting your mind follow a thought trail that is demeaning to yourself.

Here are some tips I've learned (all of these can be found in book mentioned above):

1. Avoid over generalization! Words such as always, never, everyone, & no one are rarely (if ever) true. 
2. You aren't the only one who feel the way you do, so don't go around thinking others haven't been through what you've been through. (Besides, what makes you so special that God should deem you the one to go through something that no one else has gone through or something that can't be over come?) 
3. There are a lot of was that we deceive ourselves and we need to be aware of things we say to ourselves. 
4. Prayer and spiritual discipline are a big part of this, don't leave God out. 
5. Don't be afraid to run to friends and/or family for help. Accountability is important and "faithful are the wounds of a friend and deadly are the kisses of an enemy.
6. Looking at one's childhood can help one understand their self talk and why they do it, but we cannot base all of our problems in the past. We have to let the past go and be aware of the present. The past doesn't keep us from acting on the now. It is not "sovereign" over your actions. 

I know there is much more to learn. I had a couple more points I wanted to put down...but I'm so tired that I forgot them :P 

Peace be upon you all,

Stephen

Right on Time

Have you ever sat back and imagined what the world would be like without the structure of years, months, days, hours, and minutes? What if we didn't have names for the days of the week or for the months of the year? What if all we understood was that there is day, there is night, and that we are ever growing older until we reach the point of death? What if time didn't have such a huge role in our lives or dictate our action?
I think there is something to be said about the stressfulness of being a time oriented culture, but to live without a structured time measurement...we are lost.

That is all that I think time is though. A measurement  I do not think that tine itself has substance to it nor that it is ever possible to time travel. I have heard it said that it has been done by simply orbiting the earth fast enough. That would imply that time and the rotation of the earth are some how connected. This, to me, doesn't make much sense. But I am not a scientist or a time philosopher so my opinion in this particular matter is of no value.

Here's where my words do have some value. I have had the privilege of traveling to various other countries and seen life through the eyes of others who are not so time oriented as Americans and some Western cultures. What I found was that life was much more relaxing, I had more energy, I was less stressed, and so on and so forth. To live free of any concept of time would be unhealthy for humanity in that there would be a great deal of inefficiency and life would be chaotic.

It is impossible for us to live without this structure. If our current one was erased from the minds of every human...then another one would be formed soon enough.

We cannot, however, live in such a way that we are counting every minute or in a way that our time is spent is legalistic in nature.

There is a lot to take in consideration in this matter. Things like priorities, professionalism, and mental health. I think that there is too much to understand. In fact, this topic is hardly worth the time it took you to read it. The point is this. Time is too short to be worrying about time. Use it to enhance your life, but don't let it rule your life. I hope this gives you something to think about...but don't spend too much time on :)

May the Author of Time give you peace,

Stephen

"He loves you too much..."

Yesterday I was on my way to Knoxville for a job interview and I drove through good ole Dayton, TN and visited Bryan College. I wanted to see a couple of my professors and ask for their prayers, pick up a friend of mine who wanted to tag along for support, and to hear a certain chapel speaker named Marva Dawn whom I love listening to dearly. Her words, however, were not the ones that moved me yesterday. Instead they were the words of a professor/friend at Bryan (whom we all call Mr. E).

 He asked me how life was and I told him that it had been stressful and so on, but then he looked at me and told me that it was just another way that God was showing His love to me...and then he said "Let me put it this way. He loves you too much NOT to put you through difficulties and trials that are going to hurt you and ultimately leave you more Christlike than before." BOOM!

Ok, so when I'm going through crap and I'm needing consolidation it is best that you don't give me any of the following answers: "You should pray more", "You need to read your Bible more", "God Loves you and has a great plan for your life", "It's just the enemy trying to get to you" or "You are almost out of this and God is going to pour out blessing 'pressed down shaken together and running over'!"

I will smile and nod...but beyond that I wont benefit from your words and I will mark you off as having not listened (Unless of course your name is Matt Benson...in which case, all but the last answer is going to have an impact on my life). Why? I pray often...I read much less often (haha), but it's not about how many prayers you've prayed or how many verses you have memorized. Numbers and achievements don't promise a life without difficulty and pain. B) You probably didn't even ask about my spiritual life anyway, so you are assuming a suffering spirituality and are prescribing to me a remedy based off of ill thinking, and you not giving me the respect of actually listening to what I'm saying. C) The devil is not after me. Trust me. He has a great deal of other people far more important to focus on than me. I'm not the leader of a country, church group, or even a family. I guarantee  you that Satan doesn't give me the time of day. D) Eisegesis doesn't help me any more than your not listening.

These words, however, that were given to me by Mr. E were encouraging and thought provoking. Pastor talk about the love of God in a way that says that His love will bring an end to our trials and that He will also give us material gains, but what my friend told me made a different statement. The implications are that God's love is actually the reason for the the hardship in the first place! Preach that from the pulpit and see how many come back next week! People don't want God unless He is going to sympathize with all their petty whims and desires and/or wants to erase all of their pain and suffering immediately. No one wants to think about the difficult truth of God leading us into times of shadow on purpose.

          "He causes me to dwell in darkness as those who are long dead..."                             (Lamentations 3:8a)

Even Paul of Tarsus talked about God causing him to have a "thorn in his side" and that God would not take it away from Him.

Also, God's goal in these hardships is not to bring us wealth, glory or even happiness! It's to make us more Christlike...

God's wants us to be cleansed of our sin so that we can live in greater unity with Him and his Holy Spirit, to be lights and witnesses in the darkness of the World, and He purges us through trials and sufferings. We live to glorify and serve Him, not to be served by Him. This self centered Christianity in America needs to come to an end, and a true Christ centered Christianity needs to rise from it's ashes.

Grace and Peace to you all,

Stephen  

Hopeful and Numb

Recently, I was listening to top 40 radio and I noticed an interesting trend. Apart from Adele, the majority of music that you will here will consist of partying, sex, lyrics about how "fly" someone is and how amazing they are, avoiding problems in life and just enjoying the moment, or just complete nonsense (*cough cough* Nikki Minaj cough*).

It seems that having depth or meaning to a song is no longer necessary for it to be good. So long as it has a good beat and one can escape their own reality for a moment, then it's all good. I'm amazed at the crudeness of some songs like "Whistle" by Flo Rida, which totally shows disrespect for women and degrades the value of sex...but who  surprised? America devalued sex roughly four decades ago. Whet really boggles my mind is that there are people that actually listen to this junk. Don't get me wrong, there are songs that I hear on top 40 radio that I quite enjoy listening to, and actually brings benefit to my life. Like Adele who expresses depth and true emotion, or the song "Titanium" that is full of emotion and strength. 

The thing is that people have turned to music to escape, to feel numb to the pain they are experiencing and to gain hope for the future. I fear that this is having a very profound affect on the minds of Americans, as well as others in the world who listen to them. Hope, true hope that brings about an end worth having is only found in Christ, but it isn't wrong to have a little boost from music either...so long as that "hope" isn't rooted in pride and false conception of one's self. 

Music is a gift, can we please stop abusing it by putting "artists" on the stage who can't do anything more than talk about themselves and all the people they have slept with? Perhaps we can even get singers who sound good without the aid of a computer! Ok ok...you're right...one miracle at a time...

Ignorance and Pride

Last night I was sitting with a friend of mine and we were discussing the Church, talking about how different Christians and/or denominations get fixated on a certain theological issue and that "denominations cause division". Our conclusion on the issue was that people are so divided in the Church because of ignorance and pride. Ignorance results in them performing actions that are unbiblical or results in a severe disdain and "protest" of another doctrine or even form of worship. For example, I think that the Protestant Church is primarily ignorant of the things within the Catholic Church. I've learned this from time spent in research and in deep discussion with my friend Tiller. Additionally, our pride locks us up in our ignorance and keeps us from admitting error in our theology or even exploring other traditions of thought! It's really quite sad.

When I got to Bryan College as a freshman, I dreaded telling people that I was a member of the Church of God. Immediately, their pride rose up and began to oppose me. I had people thinking that that I didn't believe in the Trinity and that I handled snakes on a weekly basis. I was told that I didn't know how to read the bible (which wasn't untrue, but not for the reasons they claimed) and accused of being extremely prideful (again, not untrue but not for the reasons they stated). Every Calvinist I came across wanted to attack what I believed, and everyone wanted to prove that tongues doesn't exist anymore.

I am more or less a Calvinist now, but I still believe in tongues. Quite frankly I probably would have come to my theological standpoint a lot sooner if it hadn't been for the pride and ignorance of those people who tried so hard to change the way I thought. I was sickened by them and I even told my friend Myles, "how can they be right when they are so prideful and malicious?" If such lines of thought led to that insensitivity to the Spirit and a lack of spiritual change, then I didn't want it. Thank God that He has led me away from my own pride and helped to set up within me the wonderful ability to love and to be sensitive to others paradigms and histories and so forth.

I pray that God will eliminate pride in the Church...so that maybe ignorance can begin to be obliterated.

Peace be upon you all,

Stephen

Tradition!!!

When I hear the word "tradition", there are several things that come to mind. I think of small little random things that families do for holidays such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter. I also think of the classic musical "Fiddler on the Roof" (if you haven't seen it then you are deprived of life and culture...go watch it... no no you can read this later...go...GO!). More recently tradition has turned my attention to ancient forms of worship within the Church.

Just to clarify to some of the protestants out there who might be asking "Well, which church are you talking about?" or "Are you talking about the heartless ritualism of that cult in Rome?" or even  may be saying "My church sings the hymns that my grandfather's grand father sang and if they were good enough for Paul and Silas then they are good enough for me!", when I say "Church" I mean the holy, universal Church that transcends time and space. The Church that does not sum up the four walls and a roof that's on the corner of your street. I mean the full Kingdom of believers that are and were and will be. By "ancient" I mean REALLY REALLY OLD! You probably don't have your family traced back this far! To my Pentecostal brothers and sister...no I don't mean meeting in houses/home churches to speak in tongues and dance (please note that I am not bashing these things, I simply am pointing out that this is not a form of worship recorded in the New Testament or early Church history). Lastly, I do not believe Catholicism to be a cult, but merely a segment of the Church with a skewed focus...like pretty much every denomination in some way, shape, or form.

I'm talking about the liturgy, the deeply ritualistic and symbolic worship that was done for many a century...and is still being done in several denominations. At this I want to point out that I am not "running to Rome" as it were...but I am still deeply moved by these services and this form of worship that I grew up without. Why? I could just say "the Holy Spirit", but lets face it...that's a cop out and a tactic used by way too many people who just want to have their way or get their two-cents in without people making a huge fuss. People will punch others of opinions, but "woe unto him who touches God's anointed who doth speak prophetically". I am no prophet, and even though I deeply believe that prophecy and words of knowledge still exist in the Church today, I fear that we have a tendency to speak too quickly out the flesh and label it as God. No, I'm going to break down a little bit of my reasoning and thought process here.

There is nothing "wrong" about ritualistic worship...though I've been taught for years that it is by people who ritualistically lift their hands, dance, and or play the acoustic guitar. The fact is that ritualism and tradition are not limited to robes and weekly communion. No, it can also be found in the Baptist church, the Presbyterian church, and even in Pentecostal churches. I think the problem is that we have so heavily defined those words in association with Catholicism and/or old Baptistic hymn singing that we forget the true meanings of the words. We have been classically conditioned to have a bitter taste for things we understand and know very little about!

I'm beginning to explore these things and see how they are relevant in the life of a Christian today. I am particularly being drawn to a more Anglican tradition, but I have not full let go of my Pentecostal roots. I have personally felt the Spirit's presence in the middle of a liturgical service and that leads me to the conclusion that neither form whether "traditional" or contemporary are essentially right or wrong. God is honored in both. I hope to share more of my thoughts concerning the matter in the future and why I'm being drawn to Anglicanism.

Peace be upon you all,

Stephen

"Fragility"

The world shatters like glass a thousand times 
But somehow manages to be made whole.
Philosophies speak pureness of her soul,
But words are nothing but empty rhymes.
Post-modernity has made us like mimes,
Putting truth and lies into the same bowl. 
Making a prison that prevents the soul
From healing. Loveless and annoying chimes.   

Why are we surprised when people break down
Or turn to mind numbing meds such as meth.
Even memory foam forgets after being beaten to death.
The human mind is beautiful and vile
Above all, it is terribly fragile;
Running and running until out of breath...


A Poem By Stephen D. Green II

Christian What?

Today I was on FaceBook and I saw where someone had forwarded photo from group called "Christian Republicans". If you have been following my blog then you will already be aware of fact that I and grieviously dislike politics. I remember when I first went to first went to my college and discovered that not all Christians are Republicans haha. I'm not here to debate whether Christians can  be Democrats or Republicans (or vise versa). I'm not here to tell you how unbiblical and ungodly it is to separate your religious beliefs from your politics stands, and I'm definitely not writing this to inform you of the fact you are going to Hell for doing so. Purgatory...yes. Hell...no (For the record I do not hold to a Catholic view of purgatory. I hold the Protestant one that is often not called "purgatory" for fear that one might be labeled a heretic for believing what they actually do believe...).

What I'm focusing on here is much more a long the lines of American culture and a shifting of the grammatical use of the word "Christian". Ok...so when, in the course of 200 years, did the word "Christian" become an adjective??? Last time I checked it was a...NOUN! For those who do not know...

"noun-any member of a class of words that can function as the main or only elements of subjects of verbs, as “A dog  just barked,” or of objects of verbs or prepositions, as “to send money  from home, ”and that in English can take plural forms and possessive endings,as “Three of his buddies  want to borrow John's  laptop.” nouns are often described as referring to persons, places, things, states, or qualities, and the word noun  is itself often used as an attributive modifier, as noun compound; noun group . See also noun adjunct,noun clause, noun phrase. Synonyms: substantive, name." This definition is taken from Dictionary.com

Somehow, the word Christian took up a role of being an adjective as well. In fact id you look up The definition of "Christian" on Dictionary.com, you will see that it first and for most lists the word as an adjective. Why?

Aren't we supposed to be "Christians" first, and anything else second? So how did "Christian" become the modifier? It is is the core of what and who we are, and everything else in our lives is touched by or and extension of our faith in Christ...then how is it that we find ourselves being "Christian Artists", "Christian Republicans", "Christian Mechanics", "Christian Businessmen" or "Christian Missionaries"? It should not be the adjective because then we are watering it down...or simply making it the clothing that body wears rather than something that is deeply intertwined with our being. I don't dress Christian...I AM Christian. It is not like a coat of paint on a house...it is the house. Republican, Democrat  Artist, etc are the the coats of paint that go on the house.

So let's stop living in a way that "Christianity" is a mere adjective to our lives, but is instead a noun that tells people what we actually are.

Peace be upon you,

Stephen

A House Divided

"The truth resolves somethings, and adds difficulty to others."                                              -A.W.Tozer

The last couple of days has been quite the emotional trip, but this morning I read this quote and was given a measure of hope. It seemed like it was just the thing i needed to hear to help my troubled mind. You see, a great number of people within my overall community structure have been at war over "getting out the truth" and engaging in (sometimes heated) debates over what should or should not be exposed. At first I wanted to name this post "Give me Justice or Give Me Journalism!", but then I decided that that is not the route I wanted to take with my post. Besides...what was done in the name of journalism can hardly be labeled as such. That's beside the point.

The point is that there has been a line drawn and people have taken sides. Who's right? Who's wrong? Well, if we looked at it honestly and without bias (not an easy task mind you), and tried to look at the whole situation holistically...the answer to both questions is...well..."both" haha. Both parties are right...and both are wrong.

Now before someone leaves a comment saying this is a cop out answer or yells "What the *bleep*?" at me, let me explain.

Granted, I think that one party is more "right" than the other, but if we all would just shut up for just a moment and let down our barriers of pride and self-righteousness...then we could begin to see a little more clearly what the other group is saying.  Both sides have at least one valid point to make and something that can be learned from the other.

I think that key things for us to learn here are:

• Respect for those we have put ourselves under/God has put over us. 
• Respect for those who have a differing opinion and the decency to listen well before making a rebuttal. 
• Realization that just because someone has the right to do something, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. 
• Sin breeds sin.
• Grace breeds grace. 
• Christians are supposed to live in a 200% reality in which they are 100% about grace and 100% about justice. 
• We don't always see everything, so we shouldn't ever act like we do. 
• and that Jesus clearly said "blessed are the peace makers" 

When do something for the sake of doing it, then we aren't doing it with purpose. We should be people who think things through before acting and ask questions like "What will this accomplish?", "Are there consequences and do they affect more than just me?", "Is it beneficial?", "Does my not doing this have repercussions or benefits?", and ultimately  "Does it glorify God?" 

I think that if these questions had been asked by BOTH parties...a lot of strife could have been avoided this week. I love you all and I pray that God will do a work in all our hearts and that things like this will bring about unity in the end (as my Arabic friends say Enshallah). 

Peace be upon you all, 

Stephen 

Thoughtless...

Ok so the title isn't talking about me. Otherwise...I would not be typing.

Here is the question I pose today:

"What on Earth posses people to make decisions and/or to speak without thinking?" I think the answer is summed up by the Greek word idios which gives us the modern day English word idiot. No I'm not saying that people are stupid (though a couple of friends of mine would argue it true), but instead I'm saying that people are "living in their own world" as the meaning of idios actually implies. This living in a state of idios leads people to be self-centered and undisciplined in thought, word, and deed.

I think that perhaps I experienced some of this today.

As I was walking downtown I saw this guy on a bicycle riding down a short length of street from the city's nearby walking bridge. While he was still a good distance away I witnessed an elderly woman (70's by guesstimation) get into her nice SUV and get ready to pull out. The biker was approaching at quite the speed and incredibly close to the vehicles, so it was no surprise that the woman pulled out and he nearly ran into her. He braked and let out a yell or surprise. After he collected himself he suddenly became enraged and started yelling after her! There was a stop sign not far ahead so he rode up next to her yelling through the glass and she stared at him in utter confusion. He knocked on her window while yelling and I was shocked that she had the guts to roll down her window at such incident. He then proceeded to put his finger in her face and yell "watch the *bleep* where you're driving!" and this entire time I'm wanting to yell and scream at the guy to leave her alone and move on. Needless to say the poor woman went off with a look of fear and confusion draped on her face like veil. The time had passed and all was said and done...and I was left angry, wishing that I had done something.

In my defense, I refrained from doing anything because I was in company uniform. I later talked to my manager and asked about possible problems I might face if I would have engaged with the guy. My manager assured me that if i had engaged I would not have suffered and that for future reference I'd be fine. In my "offense", it was somewhat selfish and I failed to act when the moment demanded that a peace maker step in; when someone needed aid, even when she was truly in the wrong for not paying better attention.

The biker, however, also failed to pay attention to the women, and in his pride and lack of self discipline he lashed out against the poor woman who just made an honest mistake and did not deserve such a verbal assault. The man was an "idiot", failing to recognize his own error, and then secondly acting out from pure emotion and rage without thinking of the consequences or what he was accomplishing (or not accomplishing in this case).

In the end, we have a woman who a) is terrified and b) still doesn't know what she did wrong (both due to mindless yelling instead of calm explanation). And we have a biker who will go on to live in his "idiotic" state, losing relationships, living stressed, and ultimately earning purgatory points.

Lets all learn to be a little more mindful or our actions and whats going on around us...and maybe the world will be a little bit better place.

Peace be with you all,

Stephen

"Humans and the understanding of the gods"

There are very few people I know who hasn't at one point or another found Greek mythology fascinating, or at least some of the creatures that have come out of the imagination of old Greek bards. Sometimes I find myself amazed by how much our culture is influenced by ancient cultures that have all but died, but that is trailing from my point.

Tonight I was thinking about how so many stories in Greek mythology that involve interaction between humanity and the gods are totally bizarre. In said stories, the deities crave worship from humans, but ultimately do not understand humans. They toy with them, trick them, fall in love with them, seek to do good for them and screw things up, or just choose to kill them. Whats interesting is that it is the fault of the "gods" that man advanced in knowledge at all. A single deity comes forth and give man the knowledge of fire, and the rest is "history" (lol).

As a Christian, I have a very different perspective on the interaction between God (note singularity) and humanity, or at least...I should.

I think it's fascinating how many times worship leaders take the time to make sure people know that "Jesus understands all of [their] pain. He's been through it all!", and yet it seems like it never really gets through to anyone. There minds and hearts are split saying that God understands, but in practicality living and praying as if He doesn't.

How is it exactly that God understands everything that we are going through? I mean, last time I checked, Jesus wasn't exactly suffering from AIDS and he didn't ever get His arm chopped off; He never had Multiple Personality Disorder. So does that statement that worship leaders make so often really hold water? For most...yes. For the shallow or spiritually immature...yes. For the normal person who grew up in church...yes. For the new believer...yes. For the "christian" that wants God to bless Him/Her and to "bring forth their harvest and just let the river of blessings flow" right into their bank account...absolutely. But for the over analytical and critical Christian like myself...not really.

Many like me would probably think "how could Jesus possibly relate to me...a young adult in the 21 century (that is what century it is right?!?!?!) in America? Well there is a simple answer to that...He's God. Duh right? We have a tendency to forget what that means I think. It means...

1. He's all-knowing
2. He's all-powerful
3. He's all-present
4. He created us.

All these are huge! But lets just focus on a couple. God knows everything, everywhere, at all times....even if it hasn't happened yet. He didn't have to be incarnated now to understand "now", but instead He understood "now" before He ever was incarnated into humanity. Why? He's God. He CREATED us. There is not a single shred of DNA, psychology, or spirituality that He does not understand because He designed it! He knows what pain is because He designed our bodies that way. He know what does what to us and how each thing affects us. He knows what we can handle and what we can't. He created us. God understands...and in His love He able to sympathize with our pain. He is not surprised by it or shocked when we cry out to Him about it, because He is fully present with us in it.

He is a God who sees. He is a God that allows us to experience darkness and pain, knowing that in the end greater things will come about. It's comforting to know that we serve a God that doesn't interact with us or relate to us as those of the Greek thought. 

2 AM Thoughts...

Ok so I'm probably going to regret his post in the morning. After all, I have been told many a times that if one gets an idea after 11 PM, they should sleep on it and see if it is still a good idea the next morning or not. Well, here I am unable to sleep...so here we go!

So what could I possibly be thinking at 2 AM? When did the world become so complicated?!?! Did anyone else notice that it seems to have come out of no where and that it seems like just a decade ago the world was perfect?!

Was it sudden, or was it did it happen so slowly over time that we did not notice it until it began to overwhelm and consume?

Now, here I sit. A 22 year old man, not even a teenager...but a man! Like...what the heck?! When did I grow up?! Where are the years that labeled me a teenager? Why did college come and go so quickly and leave me with more questions than I came with? How did my coming closer to God leave me knowing less about Him? These are just a few of the questions that swim about y mind tonight.

One of the more pressing things in my mind right now is my realization of my poor opinion of women. Sure, ask any of friends about me and they are more than likely to tell you I am a gentlemen and one of the most unperverted persons they have ever met, in over all I'm not going to argue those statements. Why? Because I pour a great amount of focus and effort into earning those statements, to not be yet another male scumball on the earth who devalues and perverts the female gender or uses them as a commodity. That's not who I am. However, I find that it is "poor" in the manner in which many females perspectives of men are "poor", thinking of women as mostly (not all!) vain, self-centered, naggy, and manipulative.

It is not my desire that I should feel this way towards women, and it is sad that I have come to embrace this stereotype in my mind. Although I hold women in a place of honor and respect, I still struggle to not allow these feelings of distrust.

Now I will note that I have some really amazing females friends out there who I find to shatter my stereotype that I have placed upon their gender, though unfortunately it is rare for me to see a good number of them because they live so far from where I'm at (for example Minnesota), one works weird hours in mental health facility, and another I had the pleasure of seeing earlier tonight but is usually 2 hours away.

I did not write this post to make women mad at me, though I'm sure there are a couple who will be quite hurt by this. I don't wish to project my bad experiences upon other women. It just happens. I'm sure I'm not the only guy out there who feels this way, and so I send out this plea. Please, prove me wrong...

In other news I am constantly crushed by stress and find myself consistently emotionally drained and demotivated from doing what I desire to do on a daily basis. No matter how much I argue with myself or try to motivate myself, nothing seems to really push me. And now I will link a song that I feel highly reflects where I am right now in life. enjoy...and goodnight!

Grace and Minnesota Plains

"God Expects of us only what He Himself has supplied"                                   -Tozer

Recently I had the wonderful pleasure of being in the wedding of two dear friends of mine in Minnesota. Since I live in Tennessee, I get inquires as to how I know these people that are so far north. To which I respond, "well, the bride is from Minnesota, the groom is from Hawaii [at this point there are eyebrows being raised] and I met them both when I went to Italy", and the reactions are like..."seriously?!" haha. Ok so enough background story as to why I was in Minnesota, what's important is what happened while I was there.

I severely enjoyed my time there and I got the chance to relax. After several days of being with people and getting wedding arrangements settled, and then actually doing the wedding, I got the opportunity to hang out with my old friend Kathleen, whom I also met in Italy, and a newly made friend Josh, whom the bride and groom met in Italy a year after meeting me (yea...Italy is awesome). I was so blessed to have met some amazing new people and to make connections with people that I would not have normally gotten to meet. It was my last day in Minnesota and my friend Kathleen and I dropped off our newly made friend Josh and we went to dinner to get caught up on life. THIS is where my title starts to be relevant...

For the first couple hours Kathleen and I shared our most recent life developments and expressed what we thought God was doing in our lives. Additionally we had some amazing gas station diner cuisine! After we had finished sharing I found myself staring out the window. Evidently it was obvious that I had something on my mind 'cause Kathleen asked me "What are ya thinking?!" This is a question that in the past has been one I avoided at all cost. I used to hate this question with a passion, and whenever it was asked of me it was like my mind would take everything and shove it away. I would immediately throw up walls and just say nothing. I never wanted anyone to know what I was thinking. That all started to change, however, when I was back in Italy with Kathleen, Bryson (the groom), and Abby (the bride) and we asked all sort of questions that beckoned us to share our thoughts and opinions, and even more recently Amanda (a friend from school) and I had made it a rule that whenever one of asks each other "what are you thinking" we would always answer fully and honestly. 

So when Kathleen asked me it was only natural for me to begin sharing what was on my mind. At that I spent the next couple hours pouring out my heart and soul at a small booth in Middleofnowheresville, MN. Yes...yes I did cry. My friend sat there and listened with great patience, love, and grace at everything I had to say, allowing me to vent out some of my darkest pains and fears. after a great deal of time, I got to the point where I felt like I had completely emptied myself of my thoughts and could settle down again. It was a God ordained moment in which I was able to talk out things that I wasn't able to with others and had been holding back from quite some time. 

One of the things that stands out to me now as I reflect on that conversation is our discussion on my being a perfectionist. I demand of myself that I live to a standard that no man can ever meet, resulting in a an overwhelming sense of failure and inadequacy. When I began to talk about God's grace, I was once again overwhelmed with great emotion and struggled to talk about it, but then I said "I know that God has given me grace, but I don't expect or trust humans to give me grace...but I guess I'm not supposed to right? That's not what grace is about. It's a gift, and I shouldn't expect grace form anyone, even God." Then I said, "I am so grateful for the grace that God has given to me, it's overwhelming and at times it feels like it's too much for me to bear because it is such an undeserved thing. I wish that He never had a reason to need to show me grace at all, that I would be perfect and not require grace for me to be with Him or anything." 

Grace. It's an overwhelming, and incredibly complex characteristic of God and something that is often severely misunderstood within the Church, even though it is the foundation of our cause and existence. Christians have a tendency to totally misuse grace or forget that it exists. 

This morning I say down to read a book called "Inspired by Tozer". It is a collection of essays written by many great Christian artists, musicians, and preachers about how they had been touched by the writing of Tozer. As I was scrolling through the list of authors I noticed that a preacher that I used to list to quite often (and who is highly revered by the church I formerly attended), Judah Smith. So I opened it up to his exert and began reading. The connection between his writings and the conversation that I had but a few days ago with Kathleen were incredible. The title that he chose for his essay was "Embrace Grace." 

Pastor Smith likens grace to the gift that one gets from an aunt that he/she doesn't know what to do with and then simply puts in the closet, or to an awkward side hug given to an old friend. He makes the statement "Most of us don't have trouble believing that God could save us by grace. We know we are sinners, and that Jesus died for us..." and then goes on to say...

 "pride is one of the greatest enemies of grace. We want to be good enough; we want to earn everything-that appeals to our egos. But we need to learn how to receive how to receive [grace] so that we will be able to give back out of the abundance of what God has given to us."

Lets just look at the other all attitude of Christians worldwide. Very few actually embrace grace for what it is or treat grace properly. Nearly every single one of use can find ourselves resting (and/or swinging) between the two extremes. Those on the left find themselves using grace as "get out of jail free card" and say things like "Oh well God has given us grace and I'm saved so I can do what I want. God loves me anyway." While those to the right will acknowledge grace, but generally in the context of one having prayed and read their Bible daily and attended Church regularly saying things like, "well if you don't go to church and don't make sure to repent regularly then you might end up in Hell. You gotta be holy!" 

I'm not debating whether one can lose his or her salvation here (though this could have definite implications concerning the matter). I talking about having the correct mindset concerning the God of the universe and our relationship with Him as sinners. Grace doesn't allow us to just live like Hell and say "hakuna mattata", nor does it demand that we meet a checklist of legalistic disciplines before it will deliver us from "this nasty, sinful existence on Earth" (that's a whole other topic matter). For us to say "it's ok God is gracious" is the same as husband cheating on his wife and saying "oh it's ok cause she loves me enough that she will always bring me back no matter what I do." For us to say "If I do everything to utter perfect then I will earn God's love and grace" is the same as saying "If I do enough chores and buy the right things and say all the right things then maybe my parents will love me enough to show me affection and maybe even put me in their will (but oh no they can here my thoughts and I shouldn't want to be in their will cause that's the wrong motivation for wanting to please them!)" 

God loves us, and in His grace he has made a way that we can approach Him and be able to repent of our sins in a great transaction of forgiveness. We are given grace to be able to have grace. Grace squared. As a result of grace we are given the Holy Spirit so that the same grace that has been given to us might be displayed by us and so that out of grace we might do what is holy and pleasing to God. For outside of grace we are not capable of having faith and without faith in God we cannot desire to honor Him and therefore we cannot please Him. We seek to honor and please Him because we love Him, we love Him as a result of grace, not to earn grace. 

"For is by Grace that we are saved through faith. Not by your own doing, but a GIFT of GOD. NOT by works lest any man should boast."                                                        

-The Apostle Paul, letter to the Ephesians

In conclusion, what I experienced that night was grace. I realized my need for grace, I experienced grace at the hand of my friend, and then was show grace as God demonstrated His love for me and began to renew my understanding grace. As I said before, I wish I never had anything for God show grace for. The fact is, however, that I do have reasons for needing grace from God and it is well time that I let go of my self-centered pride and quiet moping about how I wish I was perfect and live in acceptance, love, and gratitude toward the God who deemed it within His good will to love me and show me grace in light of all that I've done and all that I am. I work towards a goal of sinless perfection, knowing that I am incapable of ever reaching it in my sinful state. It is my wanting to please the God that I love. I love Him, because He first loved me enough to grant me the grace to be able to love Him. Grace.