Entertaining Unaware

This past week I found myself sitting in a McDonald's with three friends just chatting about a thousand random things. We discussed everything from giant bears to preferred form of death to bible to psychology to Lord knows what! We jumped to whatever topic was on our minds and we're having a blast discussing it all.

As we were talking about what it would be like to be killed by attacks from wild beasts (yea...I know), we were suddenly interrupted by a man in his late 40's who had been sitting not far from our booth. He expressed great joy in having been able to sit by and having overheard our conversation! We learned that the man was a pastor from the area and we had the opportunity to hear about some missions trips he was working on and we were able to pray for him before he left. While his initial interaction with us was slightly awkward, it was a rewarding and enriching addition to our night.

First and foremost, we were made aware of our having blessed someone else through our, well, living! We were ourselves and were able to bring the man joy! He stated that listening to us reminded him of his need to sit back and enjoy life; slow down and enjoy the simple things including conversations with friends about nothing in particular. This is a good things for all of us to remember!

Second, I was reminded that what we do doesn't always go unseen, or unheard! We influence and shape the world around us in small ways every day. This is why walking in love and displaying Christ everywhere we go is so important! People see it! You might be entertaining angels without knowing it right?

I was glad that he had taken the time and had the courage to approach us and tell us of how we had affected him. It makes me wonder how many people have overheard me talking with others and have been moved by what we said or if someone's day had been brightened. Also, how many chances am I missing out on in public places to hear and listen to the world around me just because I don't take the time to notice. While I wouldn't intentionally ease drop on a conversation, I can see and hear a great deal going on around me just by taking my headphones off and being more present in the local coffee shop I'm sitting in or the mall that I work at or whatever!

I want, and need, to be more present in my environment and not retreat from my surroundings so often. I miss prime opportunities for learning and for teaching by closing myself up in the prison of my Pandora station, but if I would just take the head phones off and let myself exist in fullness within the habitat that I have occupied...my life might change a thousand times more.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

The Weight of Expectation

Most of us grow up in environments that come with a set of expectations. Some are healthy and some not so healthy. More often than not, these expectations are unwritten and, nearly as often, unrecognized for what they truly are. I experienced many of these said expectations in my own life, and I have watched many others either bow to or rebel against the ones set for them.

“Love makes the world go round, but money greases the wheel.” These are the words that I hear every time I have a conversation with my grandfather. He set high expectations for my brother and I to study hard, do well in school, and get degrees that led to jobs that [aid well and allowed us to live comfortably. There is nothing wrong with him desiring his grandchildren to live well, but the problem lies in not being willing to accept that we might desire to pursue careers and callings that lack significant income.

The expectation that I will work hard and work to take care of my future family is more than reasonable, and definitely biblical, but as a single man I have less responsibilities to uphold and can live with less income. Not work less hard, but definitely not worry as much about having the means to live “comfortably.” In fact, I do not find in necessary for me to gain more income just for the sake of having my heat turned on for the winter. I can survive just fine without it, as have hundreds upon hundreds of my ancestors. No, not needed. I do, however, have the responsibility of paying off medical debts and student loans and therefore income is essential for accomplishing this, and for getting sufficient food to be healthy enough to work. (Which...yea failing on that one...)

At the same time, while there are those that bear the weight of high-success expectations, many more bear the weight of low-success expectations. Those who are told their entire lives by friends and family that they will never amount to anything, that they will end up broke and pregnant, that they will their lives on the streets as a beggar. There are those that have no hope for fulfilling their dreams or living an average life because of a community that chains them down by broken expectations, and others still are unmotivated for having not been given expectations to begin with.

The worst is probably the expectations we place upon ourselves. If we really thought about it, there are no expectations outside of the ones we place upon ourselves. How do other peoples’ expectations enslave us? We adopt them in our lives and nail ourselves to them. We rate our success and failures according to what has been presented to us. We are at fault. I...am at fault. So how do we remedy this?

Recognizing the issue is a great first step! Acceptance of the truth is almost always a needed ingredient to true change! Once we see what is happening we can begin acting on it.

Now, here is the hard part. I can tell you from personal experience that knowing a truth does not make acting on it easy to do. In fact you might have to go back to step one a few times. The next step is a matter will power and discipline. Willpower to push oneself to do and to NOT do; to resist the pushing and twisting of other people intrusions and forced philosophies.

Don't get me wrong, we need other people to push us and to raise our expectations to a healthy level that will make us better people, but without breaking us. We need to understand that living our dreams and also living in the realm of responsible, well-balanced life requires that we engage in community and seek counseling form older and wiser people. To make sure that we don't pursue "dreams" that are completely foolish (think of some American Idol contestants).

Sometimes our dreams and desires need to be reformed. These change as we begin to understand ourselves, our talents, and our abilities. I will never be an Olympian. I would be a fool to chase after that, but I can be a much more fit man and I can pursue that. I will never get a hit record, but I can sing and I can practice that and use that in significant ways. I have a talent for teaching and I can pursue that route (though I definitely won't be "greasing the wheel" with that job).

Lastly, pray. Seek God and ask Him to guide you and help you to see His truth. The truth of who God made you to be and what He wants you to do. God's expectations not without struggle and are not accomplished without the exertion of energy, but they are easy and light. When we pursue the expectation of Christ, we honor Him and He helps us where we lack strength. We dwell in a healthy and freeing set of standards.

You might just suddenly find everything flipped on ya. 

Grace and peace,

Stephen

The Fourth

I have a unique collection of friends. One of my circles is summed up by three of my closest male friends, Matt, Myles, and Tiller. Each one has a different perspective of the world and Christian thought. One thing I like to brag about when speaking of my friends is their great intellect and vast stores of theological knowledge-each one containing a piece of puzzle.

Tiller-caught up in the beauty of historical theology and tradition-can talk for hours on the thoughts and practices of early church fathers, who are often neglected and forgotten by mainstream Protestantism and small Christian circles.

Matt-lover of systematic theology-searches for weaknesses in Theological paradigms and seeks to construct a theology that is logical, flows, and is consistent.

Myles-prodigy of the biblical languages-doesn't come to conclusion without first consulting the semantics of the ancient speakers of Greek and Hebrew. His theology is greatly shaped by wording and format of the ancient text that most of us miss because of our limitation to English.

Where do I fall into all this?

Me. It has often been pointed out to me that I live, move, and breathe within the realm of practical theology. I have often tried to be good at the other three forms that my friends bear, but this is a terrible injustice to them, to the world, and to myself. In trying to be the highly logical, historical, or philosophical theologian, I have neglect that which I am gifted in naturally.

I'm not saying that I cannot engage in the other three forms or that I am not good at them. I am logical and philosophical, but I have lost my focus and have been someone other than myself in an attempt to sound intelligent and to imitate others. I could think about the deep things of God, I can have all the best theological arguments, and I can teach every theological construct with clarity and simplicity, but if I don't have love and if I do not take action to push back the growing darkness then I am nothing and only making noise. If my studies don't lead to charity, compassion, excellence, and service I have ultimately failed and my thinking and reading have been in vain.

In terms of theology, logic, and knowledge I am the least among my three friends. I am the fourth. In terms of necessity and purpose I am in equality with them, and it is vital that I act upon my gifting and live out the person God has wired me to be, not letting fear, pride, and insecurity prevent me from honoring God in this way.

Grace and Peace. 

The Truth Shall Set You Free

I finally got around to watching a few movies on my “must see at least once” list. One of which included the movie The Invention of Lying. It was an incredibly thought-provoking, if not also insulting. It is definitely sacrilegious and anti-Christian, but definitely worth seeing once regardless.

It is hard to imagine the world void of a specific sin, in this case deceit (as the title clearly suggests). I was led to examine my own life and ask myself, “Am I truly honest? Do I have strong integrity?”

I have to swallow a hard truth…honesty is my battle cry and deception is my shield. I do not always practice what I preach. On a daily basis I lie and deceive for the sake of my reputation, to avoid conflict, and to protect myself. In fact, we all do this! As a result, many peoples' friendships are shallow and continuously at the risk of breaking, because they are not true relationships at all. They are merely constructs of false connections by means of false common desires and beliefs. I am blessed to have relationships that are based on honesty and truth, but even within those I find myself withholding truth and dancing around honesty. If I do this with my closest friends, then you can be certain that I do this with family.

While some may find my logic here unreasonable and that I should reverse my last statement to say that “if I do this to family, then you can be certain I do this to friends”, I believe that what I have stated to be accurate. Blood is thicker than water; war more binding than the womb. It is possible for two siblings to also be friends and create a bond in blood, but it isn’t as common as many seem to think it is.

After watching the movie I started texting a dear friend a series of “truths”. These texts contained facts about me and my opinions of myself and the world that were completely and utterly true, nothing twisted to sound pretty or to sound humble or noble or anything; jut honesty. I found the exercise to be liberating and enlightening. I learned about myself and I faced some of my good and some of my bad in ways I never allowed myself to do before. Thank God for honesty, and thank God for people to be honest with.

Peace and Grace,

Stephen

If You're Going to Look, You Might as Well See

I once heard this quote by G.K. Chesterton that made me shout out "Yes yes yes!" The quote went like this, "The tourist sees what he came to see; the traveler sees all that there is to see." I want to be a traveler and not a tourist. I don't want to just see the fancy, beautiful attractions. I want to see everything! This was how I lived when I lived in the Jordan a couple summers back, and then in Italy the year before.

I wasn't in the Middle East to see the Jordan River or Petra. I was there to truly see; to be apart of the lives of a people group I didn't know and barely understood. When in Rome I was there to see the people, hear the subtle differences in accents from those in Venice
, the difference in clothing and food; I looked for the patterns in the stone road ways just as much as, if not more than, the architectural feat that is the Colosseum.

Upon my returning to the U.S. of blessed A. I found myself struggling to maintain the same mindset that I had in other countries. I was failing to see what I was looking at. People, culture, needs...life was happening right in front in front of me but I didn't "see" it.

This is how many people live their lives. Living as tourists to their lives, here to see what they came to see and not seeing what there is to see. As a result people die without truly being a part of the world around them and without experiencing the fullness of life. By "looking" but not "seeing" we do an injustice to God's creation and to the humanity that we are a part of. We do an disservice to our fellow believers, fellow humans, and even to ourselves.

What are you not seeing? What details are you brushing over? Do you see the painting and not notice the delicacy of each stroke of the brush or the mixture and manipulation of colors that were used to make said painting?

Don't just look....

See.


Peace be with you always,

Stephen.

New Beginnings

Change can be such a difficult, yet exciting, part of life. Some fear it, others crave it, and everyone experiences it. Change is an important aspect, dare I say necessity, of life that pushes us to grow and to be more than carbon copies of our parents or mere byproducts of our environment.

This week I have stepped into a new stage of life that both scares me and excites me. I've moved to a new city for a new job and to get connected to a new church. Everything is new! Thankfully I do have a couple friends that live in the area who have been true blessings to me during this time.

It's only been a week and I've already begun to see change in my life due to the Spirit's revealing, pressuring, and purging. I can honestly say that I think I have experienced every possible emotion there is to experience, except for that which one might feel when jumping out of a plane or staring down the barrel of a gun.

What I have learned thus far:

1. I have seen who my friends truly are and have grown closer to many of them through this experience. I am so grateful for the friendship that God has blessed me with. I am also grateful for support from family, including a few whom I never thought would so me love or support.
2. I need time alone, but I also need people. While it has been well known that I am an introverted person and have often shied away form people and been a bit of a wall flower at social gathering, I am indeed a social person. I need people. I need relationships. Many do not understand that I am a relational person at all. 
3. I have a lot of questions that suddenly I am not afraid to have answered
4. I don't feel like I'm respected by people and I strongly desire to feel respected.

I have a great deal of stuff to to learn. So much to deal with. I'm about to make some of the greatest steps of growth and healing that I've ever done. I will make new friends, I will be hurt, I will experience joy and pain...I will sing songs of life and of lament, I will dance and I will mourn, but I know that I will endure all things until my appointed time. Whenever that may be. 

I'm ready for the change.