Ridin' Solo

It is no secret to those who know me that at this time in my life I am making little to no effort to enter into a "serious relationship". This is due to my current financial, spiritual, and all around life status. What most people don't know is that I have been prayerfully considering taking vows of eternal singleness. This is not something that I take lightly or would advise people doing on a whim. to take such a vow must be done with
the realization that breaking it would be detrimental to one's health (and soul) but also is an incredibly

honorable sacrifice to God. One must know their reasons for doing so and be certain that God has not called them to life of marriage. It is a decision that must be made in community and with mentor ship and patience.

That said, I have found that through discussions and seeking advice from friends and mentors, that I do not believe that I am called to singleness. In the very least I will not be taking my vows and I will be keeping an eye open for possibilities. Given that so few people in my life knew that I was considering this, I have found it interesting how several people have come to me to talk about their wrestling with the subject themselves; expressing their contemplation of permanent celibacy.

What exactly does it look like to be a celibate? Let's break this down a little bit. First and foremost, I would advise asking a monk or nun to share their experience in the matter. After all, they most likely are able to describe that life style more than most.

To give up sex is to give up marriage and (this will surprise some people) to give up marriage is to give up sex. Biblically the two coincide. You aren't supposed to have one without the other.

Giving these up means...well, no children. There is an exception to this. There is a young woman in Africa by the name of Katie who has adopted over a dozen children and single handedly is raising those kids. However, you can say goodbye to blood-related children or continuing you're bloodline (which isn't as biog a deal within the context of Christianity).

Altered social life. No double dates. No dates. Life priorities and focus change. Less responsibilities to handle at home, and freedom to go and do stuff at the drop of the hat. Greater risks can be taken, and as a result I would argue that with the loss of home-responsibilities, their is an increase of responsibility outside of one's home and to the church. Having more free time and less priorities doesn't mean you can waste time and resources, it simply means you re direct that time and resources to other areas. This is an area that I am currently not doing well. I am single and I have plenty of free time due to only having a part-time job, and yet I waste so much time and accomplish little more than I would if I had a full-time job.

It is difficult and yet honorable to make such a decision. It is a great testament to people, an inspiration to other believers, and a challenging sacrifice for the self that, I believe, God sees and rewards. However, God also loves marriage. After all, He is the one who established marriage and created the concept of sex and family. To be married is to demonstrate the beautiful union of Christ and Church, as well as greater display the Image of God in us.

I'm going to rabbit trail for a moment. God designed us for intimacy, marriage, parenthood, and sexual union with opposite genders. It is deeply apart of who we are, and is it any wonder why this area of our lives has been so greatly distorted by sin and by the Church? Sexuality is an aspect of humanity that is so greatly misunderstood and misused worldwide and faith-wide. In the Church's desire to bring humanity back into right living and to try and correct the false use of sex, She has often gone to extremes. She either has either made the topic taboo and uneasy to talk about or taught about it with such negativity that people walk away believing that even sex INSIDE of marriage is sinful and disgraceful.

Sadly, much of the Church of late has swung the opposite direction in Her desire to please people and get people in the doors, but this is an affront to the gospel and is false doctrine.

Back to the topic at hand.Too many people are making this decision based off of fear. Fear of commitment and being in a relationship. Fear of being hurt (again) by someone and as a result they throw away all hope of being in a relationship. They fear their abilities to be good parents, or to be a good spouse. These are not good reasons. Instead of shrinking away, use those fears to drive you to be a better person.

Some don't want the responsibility of being a parent or spouse, to which I say you don't deserve marriage and even more importantly, you don't deserve to have sex. Sex is not to be done in such complete selfishness. Sex is for holding marriages together and starting families, not solely for one's self pleasure and entertainment.  If you don't want to bear the responsibility of raising children, don't have sex. If you don't want to care for another person or think of someone other than yourself...then you should consider taking those vows.

For those like me who are currently single, hear me out. Enjoy singleness and don't make rash decisions for or against marriage. Live life as honorable and godly as possible. Pray and seek God and He will direct you to where He wants you to be. Realize that marriage and sex are gifts of God and not shameful or sinful. Pray for the life of the Church and the world that this area of our lives might be brought into submission under our Christ and healing maybe done in us and in others.

Grace and Peace

Vows of Love and the Words that Imply Them

I'm not one to talk about love or relationship of a romantic nature. It's outside my realm of knowledge or comfort. Recently, however, I watched the movie called "The Vow" and it left me with a lot of things to think about. Actually I am resisting the temptation to sit here and write up three different blog posts...but I digress.

Vows: that dastardly use of words to convey loyalty and affection; to create promises of allegiance and/or self-sacrifice with the implication that one's words are trustworthy and will ever be fulfilled until a certain condition (more commonly death) has been accomplished or invoked.

Its amazing how little vows mean to society today. Especially among Christians, who seem to make more vows than anyone else (or at least by my observation). It is no longer easy to trust the words of others. A fact evidenced by ever growing need for detailed contracts with witnesses and special seals. I once heard a friend say that contracts rely on a base trust among individuals to believe that one will fulfill the written contract, but in my mind I see the use of them at all as a proof of distrust, not to mention that many contracts are left unfulfilled.

Sadly it is no different for marital vows. So many speak words without sincerity or without truly seeking to work at keeping their vows. It appears to me (and forgive my bluntness), there are far too many people still walking around and breathing in light of all the marriages that have ended just this year. Now, I'm not saying that there are not biblical reasons for divorce. I would stand to say that abuse and continual adultery are valid reasons for divorce, while still very unfortunate and heartbreaking, as well as displeasing to God. These two actions are in complete disregard to the vows that were made during the couple's wedding ceremony. A friend of mine once told me that "It is more biblical for me to murder my wife than for me to divorce her. But I would never murder her." I think that this is a beautiful and yet...disturbing, image that we all need to grasp. Murder is recognized as being ultimately wrong, but no one is willing to hold vows and marriage to the standard that they should. Perhaps it is the overwhelming pride and self-contentedness of humanity without the old cultural pressures to "make it work" that has led us to this place.

Vows are far more significant than any mere contract. It is a matter of honor, trust, reputation, and the persons very life is bound to a vow that is spoken. Christians have a tendency to make a lot of these, usually to God, but often to others in the form of false friendship and deceitful acts of love. Additionally, there is the famous phrase "I'll be praying for you!" or "Let me know if there is anything I can do!" which are both too often spoken flippantly and without being fulfilled. A great tragedy of the age. The bearers of truth showing smile and speaking meaningless words that leave people broken and hurt. Distrust reigns and sin abounds because people are unwilling to uphold integrity and follow through with what they vow.

Do not take my post as arrogant. I am just as guilty of the same crime. I call my own integrity into question and ask of myself "what vows have you spoken vainly?", "What words have you said without thinking?", and "How can I overcome this?"

May we always seek to do what we say and say what we do. That all that is said is said with intentionality and purpose rather than manipulation or disregard.

Peace be with you all,

Stephen