We all face questions and desires in the course of our lives and how we react to them shapes who we are and who we will become. For some, it is a subtle tingling in the back of their minds that whispers of an idea or proposes the the ghost of a question. These questions are distant and though they matter in a way, they are left in the shallow waters of desire and spontaneity, and often are answered without care or much thought. Yet there are some who simply yield to the wills and dreams of others, ignoring their own questions and passions.
For others, they cry to the world the pain of their inquiry. They beckon any to come and answer, ever seeking and wanting to examine every fragment of the question that leeches upon their soul. For them the questions are a matter of life and death; without an answer, purpose and passion cease. Actions are pointless. Life ends before it begins. they have yearnings to complete their accomplishments and forsake all else, hellbent on bringing their desires to pass.
I do not fall in either of these extremes. In fact, I 'd say I land dangerously close to the fence: filled with questions that, without answers, that are siphoning the life out of me, while also not caring enough to throw myself in to the torrent that might yield the clarity I seek. I have a great deal in my life that I desire to understand and things I wish to do, but I am unmotivated. I do not fully desire these things, for if I did I would surely seek to fulfill them. I do not wholly wish to know a foreign language, so I learn a few words and quit. I do not wholly wish desire to loose weight, otherwise I would face the pain and the struggle of exercise to accomplish this. I am lacking motivation and discipline.
What I am really dealing with here is a lack of intentionality and self-control.
I find that this is a continuation on the topic of "doing", which I wrote about briefly about a month ago. If I wish to "do", then my will must be brought into submission and I must realize (and accept) the pain and struggles that I will endure to accomplish my desires. To be fit is to exercise. To know a language is to study hard. Nothing comes without a cost, a price to be paid. To know the love of another demands time and empathy; it demands that one be willing to suffer. I am finding that this is the way of life. I am finding also that I have failed to see the value of what I would gain and have not been willing to cash the check.
So what about you? Is there anything that you have wanted to do but have not fully committed to? Perhaps it's a physical discipline, or a mental one? Maybe you have desire in the realm of the spiritual that has been left unfulfilled? Look at it, examine it, accept the cost, and decide for yourself "is it worth it?"
Let's get out and do something y'all. Let's move out of the realm of half-way desiring something into the realm of wholly desiring something that we might then go and fulfill them.
Grace and peace,
Stephen
