"From Breaking Chains to Breaking Bread": A Brief Summary

Over the last 5 years I have been an incredible spiritual journey that have deeply affected me emotionally, mentally, and theologically. It began, as such things usually do, quite unexpectedly-like an echo of an echo that knocked on the door of my heart. It was the slight itch at the back of mind. It was the deafening silence that screamed out in a whisper a single word: change. The growing uneasiness that told me "something is wrong" began in the final months of high school, but soon intensified in college.

For the majority of my life, I participated in churches of Pentecostal/charismatic tradition. In high school I became a leader in the youth ministry that I regularly attended and led small groups, taught at retreats, and prayed for other students at altar calls. I actually did this through the entirety of my college years, driving back and forth between Chattanooga and Dayton twice (sometimes trice) a week for 4 years.

I was a tongue talker and I was a "chain breaker"; I always had a bottle of anoitin' oil on hand and I was ready to go to war against "the principalities and powers of darkness." I have been present at two exorcisms, and I have prayed for dozens of people-yelling and screaming "freedom" at them as if my very action of speaking would cause the Spirit to charge into them and chase away all darkness and fix all that was broken instantly right then and there.

I've calmed down quite a bit since my graduation. I have begun participating in a local Anglican church and have found myself quite at home in the theological circles of the traditional and sacramental. This came out my experiences with reformed and traditional Christians that I met at my school, travels to Italy and Jordan where Orthodoxy and Catholicism are both very present in there prospective countries. Through my independent study, personal interactions, and in being forced to engage with various theological paradigms and beliefs due to friends who were also searching, I soon found myself in love with/drawn to this form of Church governmental structure and worship style.

In the end, I found that I could not be Catholic because of my lack of ability to justify belief in the Papal Authority. I loved participating in the Episcopal Church, but I found their theology far too liberal (and the presiding Bishop is a certifiable heretic). In the end, I have found myself in the Anglican circle and plan to be here for the rest of my foreseeable future.

Despite my change in church traditions and my way of viewing the purpose of the church, I still have a great love for those within my previous tradition and I see a lot of beauty among them and their worship. I realize that I now disagree with a lot of the philosophies and methods that they hold to, but I do not think that these differences should prevent us from being unity and from working towards the same goal: showing Christ to the World.

I still have my bottle of anoitin' oil that I carry with me everywhere I go. I still pray in tongues form time to time when I am alone in prayer, and my current tradition leads me to believe even more strongly that words that are spoken have an influence on the world around me. But now I come to church to meet Christ in my participating in Eucharist and in the deep and meaningful worship structure of liturgical worship. I am confident that Christ has led me to this and I am grateful for all that Christ has done in me through this tradition.

And so I leave you with these words: "Life is short and there is but little time to gladden the hearts of those who travel with us. So be quick to love, and make haste to be kind. In the name of God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit."

Peace be with you,

Stephen

Preparing to Worship

How does one prepare themselves for worship? What steps does on take? How does one manipulate his or her own heart or mind to being "prepared" to worship God? Are these even the right questions?

Yesterday I was spending time with my good friend Matt Green, author and editor of the blog From the Library to the Lectern, and talking about this very topic. Though we only talked about it briefly, I found myself with a great deal to write on the subject.

I grew up in a pentecostal/charismatic worship environment where I often heard things like "Get your hearts ready for worship", "Let us prepare to worship God" (This one is usually said after the first two song that are generally fast paced and come right before the one or two slow songs that sum up the typical worship service", and also "I hope you have come prepared to worship".

Such statements leads church goers to begin to question themselves. For the "outsider" who has never been to church before, they might begin to be confused and question their assumption that simply by desiring to come and participate that they are in fact...prepared. Then again, many people come to hear the preaching form the pastor, and could care very little about expressing love and worship to God.

SO back to the original question. How does one prepare themselves for worship? Most people I know would say "by listening to good Christian music on your way to church!" or "by praying, fasting, and or speaking in tongues while you drive!" I find these answer rather unsatisfactory.

1. Simply listening to "good Christian music" is more or less a paradox these days, and listening to "worship" music does not make one ready to worship.
2. If one were to sing along to the worship music they are playing for the purpose of becoming worshipful, are they not worshiping?
3. Praying, fasting, and speaking in tongues are not instruments for making one worshipful. While practicing these things can in fact grow one closer to God, they do not prepare one for worship. Though I will not deny the connectivity of these said action to worship. 
4. Why is worship limited to one or two songs during a service on Sunday?
5. People who sing worship songs on their way to church may still not even worship once there. 
6. I think that our concept of worship is incredibly off base. We boil worship down to either the displaying of emotions, or to the reciting of ancient liturgical writings while missing the real point of worship: God. 

If your heart is not in a place in which you feel excited about going to a worship service, it does not make you a terrible person. We all go through times in our lives where we don't have a desire to worship (in Christianese this called a "dry season" or a "valley"). God does not love you less for this, nor does it mean that you are drifting from God. 

They are a great number of reasons as to why you might be experiencing this lack of desire. A lot of times it's because we get caught up in the stresses and turmoils of life and we lose focus on God, or we neglect to talk something out with Him. We put away our wrestlings and questions that we have concerning life and come with our minds in a fog. While listening to music and praying and speaking in tongues are all ways of bring God back into the forefront place in our minds, they are often promoters of unhealthiness when used by people to ignore or push aside emotions and unprocessed thought. 

Worship is lifting up of God and standing in awe of Him, honoring Him by being what He has created us to be and marveling at His creation and His deeds. How can we do that properly when we do not look at the world around us? How can we worship God when we shove all of reality out of our minds or leave our emotions toward God and towards life/reality unprocessed? 

I believe it is possible, but not to the fullest of our abilities. I have begun to recognize the need for knowledge of God and for the mystery of God to invade me mind. I have found myself worshiping God more and more with my intellect and with deeply meaningful liturgy than with tears and emotion driven singing (though I see purpose and placement for those as well). 

What are your thoughts on worship? What do you think it means to worship or to "prepare" for worship? What brought you to this conclusion?

Peace be with you all,

Stephen