Feeling the Tug

Ever since Spring of '10 I have been in love with travel. I enjoy seeing new places and being in cultures unfamiliar to me, and in the time of my college career I was blessed with many opportunities to go abroad and visit lands outside my own. I miss those opportunities, but have sought to make the most of what I have now here in my homeland, which I have missed and loved returning to. I found, however, that I can't escape the desire to travel and have new experiences. This, I believe, primarily comes out of having been changed and molded by my travels. I have seen greater change in my life and have been challenged by my surroundings and by people in my travels. I long for that again.

I believe that the time has come to begin actually doing something about my situation and my life, that I begin meeting new people and having adventures and new experiences. I have been incredibly blessed with gifts, talents, and desires, and even more so that I have become tied down by a relationship and, therefore, have no true responsibilities to anyone outside of paying off a few minor debts. This past year I have allowed myself to feel overwhelmed and enslaved by those said debts and by the expectations and beliefs of others, but that is an unhealthy and unreasonable way to live. I am free and should be living as such.

In my liberty to choose my life and my next steps, and trusting that God is guiding my will by the transformative work of His Spirit, I will do what is necessary to do what I desire to do and discover more of the world and of myself. I need to stop selling myself short and not being being the leader that I am just because of false self-talk and and because of I am putting myself down or letting people put me down or control me. It is unacceptable and dishonorable to God who made me who I am and has guided me through life to this point. He did not give me desires and gifts to be buried in the dirt, but instead to be used and invested in the world. In this I have failed greatly.

My soul screams out the pain of loss and realization, but also in joy that truth prevails and I can step out of my current situation stronger than ever and overcome the lingering shadows of sin and soul-enslavement. I have set boundaries on my life that diminish my ability to act and I have not set proper boundaries for humanity, and where I have set boundaries I have failed to defend them from intruders that barge through.

I have let time and opportunity slip by because of foolishness and bowing to the whims and perceived thoughts of others. I have feared humanity more than I have God and as a result I have become enslaved to humanity, to the philosophies and expectations of my parents, and to the broken culture that I dwell in. I am the one at fault. Through Christ who liberated me and gave me His Holy Spirit, I can break free of the darkness of my fears; I enjoy His creation and His presence forever and ever and go into the world.


Grace and peace,

Stephen

When Worlds Colide

This past Sunday I was in Chattanooga visiting family, and while I was there I went to my old church. There were several Russians who had flown into the country to be able to go on a retreat that the church had put on over the weekend. During the worship portion of the service, the worship leader called up one of the Russians, who was the worship leader for the church back in their home town, to join him on stage. It was there that I experienced the beauty of hearing "How Great is Our God" sung in RUSSIAN! What was truly beautiful was when all the Russians began singing and, at the same time, the Americans in the room began singing out in English. I was lost in a in the miscellany of voices and the intense combination of language.

In that moment I saw the beautiful side-effects of Pentecost, people of various languages and cultures singing in unison of the glory of God and the wonder of our Christ! This is the beauty of the new covenant! That all peoples and all tongues and all cultures are now welcomed into the fold of God! That the Gospel will infiltrate the fabric of humanity and all men will sing together "Holy Holy Holy Lord, God of power and might. The heavens and the earth are full of Your glory! Hosanna in the highest!" From the East to the West, the Church shall be united once again. From the East to the West Christ will be Glorified. From the East to the West there will be peace, love, prosperity, and an end to injustice, poverty, and evil. All by the power of our God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Who is our "world without end".

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Christianese

Christianese…such a strange language, but it goes far beyond mere words and phrases. No, it’s full of non-verbals and habitual, repetitive actions. So much is communicated through action. Generally, Christianese is sprinkled in various parts of peoples’ language and lifestyles, only coming out in certain place, but occasionally it is possible to find some that have completely drowned themselves in it. Christians have created weird cultures.

Are we not supposed to be different? Are the cultures of the Church not supposed to vastly contrast the cultures of the world?

It is not wrong that the Christian culture is…different. It must not, however, be assumed that all Christian culture is healthy of beneficial. Too much Christian culture goes unchecked and unexamined. Do we not think of the consequences of our actions and trends? When did the Church become soft and about coffee and side-hugs? From congregations who have “no problems” in life to others that are experiencing unending onslaught of turmoil at the hands of Satan himself because they “are getting it right”.

“Dress up before you come.”—“Come as you are” 

“Be reverent”—“be free!”

“Chew gum and we’ll burn you”—“if you don’t leave a coffee stain on our carpet then you haven’t gotten the full experience!”

So what honors God? All culture is broken and sinful. There is no perfect culture, no perfect lifestyle. 

What is…church? I’m not asking about big “C” church. I’m asking about our congregations and faith communities. What is our interaction? What do you think of when you think upon your faith community? Who are they? Why are they? What focus or vision are they promoting? What were faith communities in the era of the early Church and how much of that should we be reflecting? It is a hard question to answer indeed. It’s easy to say “If it was good enough for them then it is good enough for me” or “Since it’s what early Church did than it must be most right.” We forget that the early Church identified with what they did because it was culturally significant. Yes, there were various elements of their worship that separated them from “normal culture”, but it wasn't 100% different. Worship is affected by culture…and culture is affected by worship.

Americans’ worship of “rights” and “fairness” led to where we are. Worship of new, better, faster, and stronger is a disease that is eating away at the soul of our nation and communities. The Church of America has been affected by this attitude! Prayers and proclamations of blessings and good things being spoke over people and sermons on faith for financial peace and stability have multiplied in the church. Perversion of the understanding of salvation and what it means to be an “adopted child of God”.

Or have they? Do I even know what God truly desires of us or how he interacts with us? Who am I to say one thing or another? Does God not reward the faithful and those who seek purity and holiness?

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

"More? More did you say?!"

Over the years, many song have become distasteful to me because of biased opinion and/or bad experiences that I associate with certain songs, or sometimes I just get so sick of hearing that same song all the time, especially the super repetitive songs.

In my desire to be honest and fair, I started thinking about some of the old songs that I never sing anymore with the intent of separating my biases and my distasteful experiences from the songs that I believed I was being unjust to. I did not get very far.

Most people that I know are familiar with the old song "I Need You More". I grew up hearing the song often, and I myself fell into the mesmerizing lyrics of the song that displayed a great devotion and an "ever increasing need" for Christ and His grace. I have seen many teary eyes and expressions of serenity and false wonder among the worshipers that surrounded me singing this very song.

As I was meditating on the words of the song, I was suddenly hit with the realization that the song, while passionate and full of good intent, lacked critical thought and theological care. It appeals to emotion far more than the intellect, and by default teaches a false understanding of the relationship between God and man.

The chorus is where I find my dissonance. It reads as follows:

"I need you more. More than yesterday I need you Lord. More than Words can say. I need you more than ever before. I need you Lord. I need you Lord."

Now, I obviously have no argument with the statement that words are insufficient to describe the need we have for Christ. The world is full of darkness, hunger, hatred, sorrow and humanity all across the World suffer in a variety of ways. It's the "more than yesterday" and "more than ever before" parts that I am calling into question.

I can think of a couple people whom, if i were to tell this to them in person, would produce tears and begin talking about how they "need Him more" every day, and they might even be offended by my saying this. Perhaps they would accuse me of not having a good "relationship with Christ" or that I am not "in tune with the Spirit".

You might ask "what's wrong with these lyrics? Isn't the writer just being honest about how he feels or about with his relationship with Christ?" At one time I would have asked the same thing, but now it is not so.

Critical analysis leads me to ask this question instead, "can I truly need God more?" I believe the answer is "no." Scripture teaches that God is the creator and sustainer of life. In Him "we live and move and breathe", and outside of God's permission and will we cannot exist. For it was through Christ that we were made and it is through Christ that we remain, that even as He was hanging on a cross with nails in his hands and flesh ripped from His bones He held us in existence.

Given all this, can we say that we need Him more? If our breath, food, water, our very existence relies on Him being Him can we need Him more? I say no. For since before we were conceived in the wombs of our mothers we needed God to the absolute utmost. We always need God and we always will. We do not "need Him more", instead we become more and more aware of our need! We learn to rely on Him more, to trust Him more, and to turn to Him in struggle and in our lacking. We need God just as much when times are good as we do when they are bad.

As you seek and become more and more aware of the human condition and our need for God, I pray that you will desire, trust, and cling to Him who alone can redeem and sustain.

Peace be with you,

Stephen

Freedom and Stability: Worship in a World of Chaos

The world is ever shifting and changing. Life proves to be consistently unstable and often unpredictable. Faith and worship are the anchors that hold us steady as the hurricanes rage against the battered ships of our souls. But just how stable are our anchors and supports? Can the pillars of our faith hold when our world starts to shake? Does our worship of God strengthen those pillars, or does it hollow the infrastructure?

I have been in search of the answer to this question over the course of the last couple years, and while I have not come to an ending conclusion, I do believe that I have made a great deal of discoveries over the past year and would like to share some of those thoughts here and now.

I grew up in the contemporary/Charismatic tradition. I am intimately familiar with "modern" worship services. In my home church, I found music pleasing to listen to, exciting, moving, and LOUD! I loved it all, and I loved how God worked in me through those experiences. I am highly sympathetic to those who choose to worship in these "concert-like" settings and to the styles thereof, but I think that there is an aspect of worship and the Christian life that one is robbed of when they only worships in this form. I am also, however, ashamed of the shallowness of much worship and overly emotional actions of many. Unfortunately, the foci of many within the worships services that I've attended all over the U.S. were erratic and often self-serving as people were more concerned with their "experiences" rather than about God and His truth. I am one of those many people who cared to much about experiencing something and about whether or not I ended up on my knees crying than about adoring God and speaking (or singing) words of truth, honor, and faith.

Again, I do not think charismatic worship is wrong, just incomplete. I was greatly shaped and challenged through charismatic worship as a teenager and I know that God used all of it to make me a better person and to pull me closer to Him. Yet, there was something missing in the midst of it all; I would not grow in Christ as much as I am able to if God had left me there and not begun working on my heart this area of my faith. I believe that worship is less shaped by who we are, and rather that it shapes us. There are those two-faced people who live completely different outside of Church than they would act within, and it is sad that people can live out their lives with a disassociated faith, but I would venture to say that they are still affected by their form of worship.

First, what is worship? thefreedictionary.com gave the following definitions:


wor·ship n.
1.
     a. The reverent love and devotion accorded a deity, an idol, or a sacred object.
     b. The ceremonies, prayers, or other religious forms by which this love is expressed.
2. Ardent devotion; adoration.
3. often Worship Chiefly British Used as a form of address for magistrates, mayors, and certain other dignitaries:
v. wor·shiped or wor·shipped, wor·ship·ing or wor·ship·ping, wor·ships
v.tr.
1. To honor and love as a deity.
2. To regard with ardent or adoring esteem or devotion. See Synonyms at revere1.
v.intr.
1. To participate in religious rites of worship.
2. To perform an act of worship.

Humans have questioned worship and what is the most "true" form of worship. I once was one of those who argued that true worship involved lots of passion and "freedom" to do what you wanted; that loud, emotional services were what God was most please by. I condemned liturgical worship for being "dry, artificial, and unpleasing to God." I was among those who thought of non-Charismatic worshipers as prideful, starchy Christians who were too arrogant for their own good. I mean how dare they tell us that our form of worship is wrong when it is so obvious that is the ONLY right way to worship! Besides, all those ritualistic words and phrases make "them Catholics" no better than pagans and witches right?!

Wrong.

Liturgical worship is authentic, God-pleasing, beautiful, and freeing. I have heard many critique liturgy and say "I couldn't go to that kind of church cause I have to have my freedom to worship God" without even having the understanding of the depths of worshiping liturgically. There is freedom and life in structured worship that can't be found in some of the more "low-church" settings! Liturgical worship disciples and teaches the doctrines of the church with greater depth and complexity than most of the non-liturgical worship we see throughout the Church today (most of which is actually quite shallow). I have felt the presence of God during a Latin mass just as much as I have in buck-wild Pentecostal Church.

I recently was reading a book in which one of the main characters was being tortured by an evil king who had her beaten with iron rod that had been heated within a furnace. In the book she faces all sort of torments and mental stress, but through the whole thing she focused on rites and rituals. The rituals allowed her to maintain her sanity and to keep from letting her willpower fail. The stability and consistency of liturgical/ritualistic worship helps bring stability to the unstable world we live in. It is an anchor to reality. It is also the way the early church worshiped! As well as the Israelites of the old testament. The book of Psalms contains this form or worship as well.

Both liturgical and non-liturgical worship have important elements to them that benefit the life of the believer. While it isn't about us, I believe God designed that worship be beneficial to the worshiper. There are times where we should worship with all our emotions and lay on our faces with tears pouring from our eyes and loose our grip on our self control so as to, in a way, expose ourselves before God and make ourselves emotionally vulnerable to Him. We should also, however, worship in rich, symbolic rituals of the ancient faith for is strengthens us and disciples us. Worship with  your intellect. Worship in unity with the Church all over the world. Worship in "spirit and in truth". I personally practice both forms continuously throughout the week.

Lastly, stop making it about you! Worship is about God and not about you. It's not about what you want or how you want to worship. Be grateful that you have liberty and that God is not overly strict on the way the Church is to worship, but do not think that it is your right to worship as you deem most right. It is your privilege. Whether you ever cried or not, whether you ever were made aware of the presence of the Holy One or not, you are to worship. Don't condemn others for worshiping in a way that is different than yours and think it as being less pleasing than yours. The fact of the matter is, they very well maybe worshiping far more authentically and God-pleasing than you are.

"What's in it for me?"

Have you ever asked this question? Of course you have! Even if it wasn't spoken aloud, at one point or another this question entered your thoughts and, more than likely, affected a decision or two. Self-centeredness is a critical flaw in humanity, and is often a factor in our lives.

So why are you a Christian? You might be like the majority of the American Christian society and just be a self-centered follower; just wanting to get out of Hell and hoping for a bit of health, wealth, and prosperity on side. If you are going to church and serving God for these reasons, then you are not honoring God and living the full Christian life. Now, before you get all defensive, let me say that I do not believe that your sorry butt isn't saved or covered by Grace. I'm saying that you are a fallen creature and are in need of correction and spiritual growth.

I must, therefore, pose this question: if there was no promise of Heaven or eternal life, would you still serve and love the one, true God of the universe? Would you worship the One who is worthy of worship even if He didn't give you what you wanted?

I believe we should show thanks and gratitude for what He has done for us, for if He had not saved us we would not be able to worship Him and love Him because sin would have overtaken us. If, however, that was all God chose to do, if He never promised a "here after" would you still be "Christian."

If Joel Osteen is finally and His heretical teaching are brought screaming into the Light of Truth, will you falter? Will you serve?

Again, I'm not saying that if you came to Christ with a mindset of "I want to be saved from Hell" that are not saved. I'm saying that we must now move past that and on toward true love and devotion of God that is selfless. It is a goal that I think is all but impossible to reach, but I hope to be able to reach it one day. Let us strive together as one body to rid ourselves of our sin and to move towards purity of heart and soul. For there are a thousand reasons why people have yielded to the beckoning call of Christ and all are in need of the transforming work of the Spirit. God Did not call us to get pure and then come and be counted as the redeemed. No, we were counted among the redeemed and then God said "come to me and be made pure."

Preparing to Worship

How does one prepare themselves for worship? What steps does on take? How does one manipulate his or her own heart or mind to being "prepared" to worship God? Are these even the right questions?

Yesterday I was spending time with my good friend Matt Green, author and editor of the blog From the Library to the Lectern, and talking about this very topic. Though we only talked about it briefly, I found myself with a great deal to write on the subject.

I grew up in a pentecostal/charismatic worship environment where I often heard things like "Get your hearts ready for worship", "Let us prepare to worship God" (This one is usually said after the first two song that are generally fast paced and come right before the one or two slow songs that sum up the typical worship service", and also "I hope you have come prepared to worship".

Such statements leads church goers to begin to question themselves. For the "outsider" who has never been to church before, they might begin to be confused and question their assumption that simply by desiring to come and participate that they are in fact...prepared. Then again, many people come to hear the preaching form the pastor, and could care very little about expressing love and worship to God.

SO back to the original question. How does one prepare themselves for worship? Most people I know would say "by listening to good Christian music on your way to church!" or "by praying, fasting, and or speaking in tongues while you drive!" I find these answer rather unsatisfactory.

1. Simply listening to "good Christian music" is more or less a paradox these days, and listening to "worship" music does not make one ready to worship.
2. If one were to sing along to the worship music they are playing for the purpose of becoming worshipful, are they not worshiping?
3. Praying, fasting, and speaking in tongues are not instruments for making one worshipful. While practicing these things can in fact grow one closer to God, they do not prepare one for worship. Though I will not deny the connectivity of these said action to worship. 
4. Why is worship limited to one or two songs during a service on Sunday?
5. People who sing worship songs on their way to church may still not even worship once there. 
6. I think that our concept of worship is incredibly off base. We boil worship down to either the displaying of emotions, or to the reciting of ancient liturgical writings while missing the real point of worship: God. 

If your heart is not in a place in which you feel excited about going to a worship service, it does not make you a terrible person. We all go through times in our lives where we don't have a desire to worship (in Christianese this called a "dry season" or a "valley"). God does not love you less for this, nor does it mean that you are drifting from God. 

They are a great number of reasons as to why you might be experiencing this lack of desire. A lot of times it's because we get caught up in the stresses and turmoils of life and we lose focus on God, or we neglect to talk something out with Him. We put away our wrestlings and questions that we have concerning life and come with our minds in a fog. While listening to music and praying and speaking in tongues are all ways of bring God back into the forefront place in our minds, they are often promoters of unhealthiness when used by people to ignore or push aside emotions and unprocessed thought. 

Worship is lifting up of God and standing in awe of Him, honoring Him by being what He has created us to be and marveling at His creation and His deeds. How can we do that properly when we do not look at the world around us? How can we worship God when we shove all of reality out of our minds or leave our emotions toward God and towards life/reality unprocessed? 

I believe it is possible, but not to the fullest of our abilities. I have begun to recognize the need for knowledge of God and for the mystery of God to invade me mind. I have found myself worshiping God more and more with my intellect and with deeply meaningful liturgy than with tears and emotion driven singing (though I see purpose and placement for those as well). 

What are your thoughts on worship? What do you think it means to worship or to "prepare" for worship? What brought you to this conclusion?

Peace be with you all,

Stephen

It's my life.

Tonight I had a much needed hang out time with a friend that I haven't seen in months! We started getting caught up on our lives and talking about what we've been through and where we are going in life. She is packing up and moving to Hawaii! HOLY CRAP! That's quite a move! We talked for a while and she shared how she felt like it was something that is much needed in her life right now.

"It's your life, stop worrying about what other people think"

As for me, the idea seems scary, but it's not like I haven't contemplated doing similar things. As we talked further she looked at me and told me that I needed to stop living my life worrying about what other people think. She told me that I needed to stop living to please people and remember that even though it's good to give and to care for others, it cannot be at the cost of myself. I cannot lose myself and who I am because I'm afraid of what others might think of me or because someone might get hurt.

It's true. While I desire to never hurt people, it is impossible. I'm only human, and the fact is...so is everyone else. I know better than anyone how easy it is to get one's feelings hurt over nothing or from misunderstanding. It happens. People are hurting and broken, and if I live to never hurt anyone...then I'm just going to suffocate.

It's not wrong to put other peoples needs aside to take care of your own. The fact is that if you ignore your issues, then you are crippling yourself and becoming less effective to help others. It's why so many pastors and church leaders burn out. They forget to take care of their own needs because they feel the pressure to take care of everyone else's. They fail to set up proper boundaries that allow themselves time to relax and renew. It's not selfish, it's necessary and biblical. Even Jesus did it.

I have a life to live, I have a soul to tend to, and I have a body to manage. It's my life and I'm responsible for how I live it and what I do with my time that God has given to me. Worrying about what others think or letting others tell me how to run it is not being a good steward.

"A man that is at war with himself, will be at war with others." 

It's plain and simple. If I want to help others and be an instrument of healing and life in the world, then I need to take the time to heal myself and to grow closer to God.

So I'm just going to be real here. My relationship with God has been shifting a lot. While I've had a couple people say a few things that imply that they do not think very much of my spiritual life, many others have said good things. I have learned that ratios of positive versus negative opinions do not give an accurate report of one's spiritual life. So I must ignore both...for the most part. I have Spiritual people in my life that I trust to be honest and to speak what is beneficial to my life, regardless of whether it is positive or negative.

I do not pray as I used to, with shouting and jumping and angry shouting against the devil. I do, however, pray with great heartache, great passion, desire, and honesty. I think that honesty and depth in prayer is far more important than how I pray. It makes little difference to God, I think, whether one is dancing and shouting...or if they are sitting cross-legged on the floor in quiet contemplation. I also think He cares little about what music is playing while we are praying, if any. He doesn't want us to ramble; He wants us to pray words of sincerity and thoughtful contemplation. Just my thoughts.

My spiritual life has suffered of late, because I have failed to take care of my emotional needs, my intellectual needs, and my physical needs. I have failed to uphold necessary boundaries for others and for myself, and as a result my spiritual self grows weak and sick. Encourage me because you love me, talk to me cause you like me, listen to me cause you genuinely want to be there for me, and if you just want to use and control me so go ahead and walk away. Even if I never know it, God does and trust...He got my back.

Peace be with you all,

Stephen