It is no secret to those who know me that at this time in my life I am making little to no effort to enter into a "serious relationship". This is due to my current financial, spiritual, and all around life status. What most people don't know is that I have been prayerfully considering taking vows of eternal singleness. This is not something that I take lightly or would advise people doing on a whim. to take such a vow must be done with
the realization that breaking it would be detrimental to one's health (and soul) but also is an incredibly
honorable sacrifice to God. One must know their reasons for doing so and be certain that God has not called them to life of marriage. It is a decision that must be made in community and with mentor ship and patience.
That said, I have found that through discussions and seeking advice from friends and mentors, that I do not believe that I am called to singleness. In the very least I will not be taking my vows and I will be keeping an eye open for possibilities. Given that so few people in my life knew that I was considering this, I have found it interesting how several people have come to me to talk about their wrestling with the subject themselves; expressing their contemplation of permanent celibacy.
What exactly does it look like to be a celibate? Let's break this down a little bit. First and foremost, I would advise asking a monk or nun to share their experience in the matter. After all, they most likely are able to describe that life style more than most.
To give up sex is to give up marriage and (this will surprise some people) to give up marriage is to give up sex. Biblically the two coincide. You aren't supposed to have one without the other.
Giving these up means...well, no children. There is an exception to this. There is a young woman in Africa by the name of Katie who has adopted over a dozen children and single handedly is raising those kids. However, you can say goodbye to blood-related children or continuing you're bloodline (which isn't as biog a deal within the context of Christianity).
Altered social life. No double dates. No dates. Life priorities and focus change. Less responsibilities to handle at home, and freedom to go and do stuff at the drop of the hat. Greater risks can be taken, and as a result I would argue that with the loss of home-responsibilities, their is an increase of responsibility outside of one's home and to the church. Having more free time and less priorities doesn't mean you can waste time and resources, it simply means you re direct that time and resources to other areas. This is an area that I am currently not doing well. I am single and I have plenty of free time due to only having a part-time job, and yet I waste so much time and accomplish little more than I would if I had a full-time job.
It is difficult and yet honorable to make such a decision. It is a great testament to people, an inspiration to other believers, and a challenging sacrifice for the self that, I believe, God sees and rewards. However, God also loves marriage. After all, He is the one who established marriage and created the concept of sex and family. To be married is to demonstrate the beautiful union of Christ and Church, as well as greater display the Image of God in us.
I'm going to rabbit trail for a moment. God designed us for intimacy, marriage, parenthood, and sexual union with opposite genders. It is deeply apart of who we are, and is it any wonder why this area of our lives has been so greatly distorted by sin and by the Church? Sexuality is an aspect of humanity that is so greatly misunderstood and misused worldwide and faith-wide. In the Church's desire to bring humanity back into right living and to try and correct the false use of sex, She has often gone to extremes. She either has either made the topic taboo and uneasy to talk about or taught about it with such negativity that people walk away believing that even sex INSIDE of marriage is sinful and disgraceful.
Sadly, much of the Church of late has swung the opposite direction in Her desire to please people and get people in the doors, but this is an affront to the gospel and is false doctrine.
Back to the topic at hand.Too many people are making this decision based off of fear. Fear of commitment and being in a relationship. Fear of being hurt (again) by someone and as a result they throw away all hope of being in a relationship. They fear their abilities to be good parents, or to be a good spouse. These are not good reasons. Instead of shrinking away, use those fears to drive you to be a better person.
Some don't want the responsibility of being a parent or spouse, to which I say you don't deserve marriage and even more importantly, you don't deserve to have sex. Sex is not to be done in such complete selfishness. Sex is for holding marriages together and starting families, not solely for one's self pleasure and entertainment. If you don't want to bear the responsibility of raising children, don't have sex. If you don't want to care for another person or think of someone other than yourself...then you should consider taking those vows.
For those like me who are currently single, hear me out. Enjoy singleness and don't make rash decisions for or against marriage. Live life as honorable and godly as possible. Pray and seek God and He will direct you to where He wants you to be. Realize that marriage and sex are gifts of God and not shameful or sinful. Pray for the life of the Church and the world that this area of our lives might be brought into submission under our Christ and healing maybe done in us and in others.
Grace and Peace
the realization that breaking it would be detrimental to one's health (and soul) but also is an incredibly
That said, I have found that through discussions and seeking advice from friends and mentors, that I do not believe that I am called to singleness. In the very least I will not be taking my vows and I will be keeping an eye open for possibilities. Given that so few people in my life knew that I was considering this, I have found it interesting how several people have come to me to talk about their wrestling with the subject themselves; expressing their contemplation of permanent celibacy.
What exactly does it look like to be a celibate? Let's break this down a little bit. First and foremost, I would advise asking a monk or nun to share their experience in the matter. After all, they most likely are able to describe that life style more than most.
To give up sex is to give up marriage and (this will surprise some people) to give up marriage is to give up sex. Biblically the two coincide. You aren't supposed to have one without the other.
Giving these up means...well, no children. There is an exception to this. There is a young woman in Africa by the name of Katie who has adopted over a dozen children and single handedly is raising those kids. However, you can say goodbye to blood-related children or continuing you're bloodline (which isn't as biog a deal within the context of Christianity).
Altered social life. No double dates. No dates. Life priorities and focus change. Less responsibilities to handle at home, and freedom to go and do stuff at the drop of the hat. Greater risks can be taken, and as a result I would argue that with the loss of home-responsibilities, their is an increase of responsibility outside of one's home and to the church. Having more free time and less priorities doesn't mean you can waste time and resources, it simply means you re direct that time and resources to other areas. This is an area that I am currently not doing well. I am single and I have plenty of free time due to only having a part-time job, and yet I waste so much time and accomplish little more than I would if I had a full-time job.
It is difficult and yet honorable to make such a decision. It is a great testament to people, an inspiration to other believers, and a challenging sacrifice for the self that, I believe, God sees and rewards. However, God also loves marriage. After all, He is the one who established marriage and created the concept of sex and family. To be married is to demonstrate the beautiful union of Christ and Church, as well as greater display the Image of God in us.I'm going to rabbit trail for a moment. God designed us for intimacy, marriage, parenthood, and sexual union with opposite genders. It is deeply apart of who we are, and is it any wonder why this area of our lives has been so greatly distorted by sin and by the Church? Sexuality is an aspect of humanity that is so greatly misunderstood and misused worldwide and faith-wide. In the Church's desire to bring humanity back into right living and to try and correct the false use of sex, She has often gone to extremes. She either has either made the topic taboo and uneasy to talk about or taught about it with such negativity that people walk away believing that even sex INSIDE of marriage is sinful and disgraceful.
Sadly, much of the Church of late has swung the opposite direction in Her desire to please people and get people in the doors, but this is an affront to the gospel and is false doctrine.
Back to the topic at hand.Too many people are making this decision based off of fear. Fear of commitment and being in a relationship. Fear of being hurt (again) by someone and as a result they throw away all hope of being in a relationship. They fear their abilities to be good parents, or to be a good spouse. These are not good reasons. Instead of shrinking away, use those fears to drive you to be a better person.Some don't want the responsibility of being a parent or spouse, to which I say you don't deserve marriage and even more importantly, you don't deserve to have sex. Sex is not to be done in such complete selfishness. Sex is for holding marriages together and starting families, not solely for one's self pleasure and entertainment. If you don't want to bear the responsibility of raising children, don't have sex. If you don't want to care for another person or think of someone other than yourself...then you should consider taking those vows.
For those like me who are currently single, hear me out. Enjoy singleness and don't make rash decisions for or against marriage. Live life as honorable and godly as possible. Pray and seek God and He will direct you to where He wants you to be. Realize that marriage and sex are gifts of God and not shameful or sinful. Pray for the life of the Church and the world that this area of our lives might be brought into submission under our Christ and healing maybe done in us and in others.
Grace and Peace
