Feeling the Tug

Ever since Spring of '10 I have been in love with travel. I enjoy seeing new places and being in cultures unfamiliar to me, and in the time of my college career I was blessed with many opportunities to go abroad and visit lands outside my own. I miss those opportunities, but have sought to make the most of what I have now here in my homeland, which I have missed and loved returning to. I found, however, that I can't escape the desire to travel and have new experiences. This, I believe, primarily comes out of having been changed and molded by my travels. I have seen greater change in my life and have been challenged by my surroundings and by people in my travels. I long for that again.

I believe that the time has come to begin actually doing something about my situation and my life, that I begin meeting new people and having adventures and new experiences. I have been incredibly blessed with gifts, talents, and desires, and even more so that I have become tied down by a relationship and, therefore, have no true responsibilities to anyone outside of paying off a few minor debts. This past year I have allowed myself to feel overwhelmed and enslaved by those said debts and by the expectations and beliefs of others, but that is an unhealthy and unreasonable way to live. I am free and should be living as such.

In my liberty to choose my life and my next steps, and trusting that God is guiding my will by the transformative work of His Spirit, I will do what is necessary to do what I desire to do and discover more of the world and of myself. I need to stop selling myself short and not being being the leader that I am just because of false self-talk and and because of I am putting myself down or letting people put me down or control me. It is unacceptable and dishonorable to God who made me who I am and has guided me through life to this point. He did not give me desires and gifts to be buried in the dirt, but instead to be used and invested in the world. In this I have failed greatly.

My soul screams out the pain of loss and realization, but also in joy that truth prevails and I can step out of my current situation stronger than ever and overcome the lingering shadows of sin and soul-enslavement. I have set boundaries on my life that diminish my ability to act and I have not set proper boundaries for humanity, and where I have set boundaries I have failed to defend them from intruders that barge through.

I have let time and opportunity slip by because of foolishness and bowing to the whims and perceived thoughts of others. I have feared humanity more than I have God and as a result I have become enslaved to humanity, to the philosophies and expectations of my parents, and to the broken culture that I dwell in. I am the one at fault. Through Christ who liberated me and gave me His Holy Spirit, I can break free of the darkness of my fears; I enjoy His creation and His presence forever and ever and go into the world.


Grace and peace,

Stephen

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