Asking For Help

Help.

God knows I need it!

I began reading through a book by the incredible author Anne Lamott titled, "Help Thanks Wow: Three Essential Prayers" and OH MY WOW!

I didn't realize how badly I needed help, but even more importantly I didn't realize how afraid I was to ask for it.

I knew that I wasn't good at asking humans for help. Naturally I would struggle to ask the sentient beings of my own nature for help, but I'm also really bad at asking God for help. I keep a pretty long check list of prerequisites for a prayer to be acceptable, and not all of them are realistic. In fact it's legalistic. Always afraid of praying an "unholy prayer" I move into a place where I am not genuine about how I feel, what I believe, or what I really want.

That's not good for a relationship with fleshies....so why would I think it acceptable with God?

So here I say "HELP!' I can't do this on my own. I'm never alone but I too often give in to that lie that I am.

I love God, but I don't love God nearly as I should. In truth I often don't trust Him or believe that He cares. I may not doubt His existence, but His character? On the daily.

So thank you Ms. Lamott for your honesty and for reminding me of the importance of being honest in prayer. Thanks for the reminder to ask for help and to ask for one's own desires. May the King of Suns fill your life with light and air and give you peace.

And here is my prayer: Father of Light be my light. Make me Peace and forgive me of my anxiety and selfishness. Forgive me Merciful One for not being honest with You. Help me because I don't trust You. Help me because my life seems threatening and overwhelming. Help me because I often hate myself and feel like I can't change. Help me because I'm afraid of the change that I feel that I can't make. Please be kind to me in failures and discipline me to greater character and greater love. Help me to fail beautifully and to learn from my missteps.

Truly Yours,

Stephen D Green II

Heroes and Heroines: The Role-models That Shape Us

We have thousand of of stories of heroes and heroines. I believe that a lot of these stories of heroes, along with their antagonists affect the way we look at the world we live in and change how we function. I think that we might be, sadly, implanting false concepts into the minds of our children.

Everyone loves Superman. The shining beacon of perfection for all humanity right? Superman stands above all the other characters in Metropolis in that he is the only one who always thinks of others and he alone protects the whole of metropolis...and the world. With a few punch and couple shots of laser-eye power, the big, blue boy-scout overcomes villain after villain.

So...the only purely amazing and moral human is...well, an alien? I guess that's also why there are so many evil people and so few good ones. Is this being translated into the minds of our kids that there is more evil than good and if good is to prevail it needs to come in the form of something alien to ourselves and is buffer
than the Governator and flies fast enough to out run a bullet and maybe even turn back time? Well...coming from a Christian perspective of the world...goodness comes from God and sometimes He seems alien enough, but strength of a single "human" isn't what will overcome evil.

Let's look at Wonder Woman. The woman carved from stone to be a daughter for Hades and...whatever her name was. Again, we find ourselves with a leader and guardian that is very...alien. Additionally, it seems that a woman can only be heroic is they dress like they just came out of a strip club. Can't they beat their enemies without trying to distract them with their own lust and raging hormones? That's fighting dirty! Most Heroines seem to have the mindset that they can't fight unless that show a little cleavage and/or mid-drift. Sorry sweetheart, looking good is not an essential part fighting crime and overcoming evil. This sets an unhealthy mindset into our daughters...and quite frankly our boys as well. Personally, if I had a daughter I wouldn't want her to grow up thinking that the only way she can lead and change the world is to run around in her panties and a tank top! A little more leg doesn't increase your chances of saving the day. Sorry, Zatana.

I think there needs to be more stories like that of Batman, an ordinary man that, through discipline and willpower, overcame his limitations and became the humble hero that made the hard self-sacrificing decisions and used his whit and passion to drive himself to being a force to be reckoned with. Additionally, the story of Batman tells of a need for community. Bruce Wayne cannot single-handedly defeat evil. He needs the faithful, loving care of Alfred and the companionship of others to reach his goal. He leads and he disciples.

The X-Men and the Avengers series also show the need for community and relationship that is vital for living in the real world. We need community to overcome our weaknesses and to form our special gifts and talents. This is reality. Even the Lone Ranger wasn't all that "Lone".

We need more stories that display truth and teach our kids that you don't need super powers of some bizarre origin (like a father that happens to be the Greek god of water) to be able to slay dragons and topple regimes. However, we need the beautiful stories of meta humans and Avatars that spark imagination and creativity in the minds of our children...and even in the minds of adults.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Feeling the Tug

Ever since Spring of '10 I have been in love with travel. I enjoy seeing new places and being in cultures unfamiliar to me, and in the time of my college career I was blessed with many opportunities to go abroad and visit lands outside my own. I miss those opportunities, but have sought to make the most of what I have now here in my homeland, which I have missed and loved returning to. I found, however, that I can't escape the desire to travel and have new experiences. This, I believe, primarily comes out of having been changed and molded by my travels. I have seen greater change in my life and have been challenged by my surroundings and by people in my travels. I long for that again.

I believe that the time has come to begin actually doing something about my situation and my life, that I begin meeting new people and having adventures and new experiences. I have been incredibly blessed with gifts, talents, and desires, and even more so that I have become tied down by a relationship and, therefore, have no true responsibilities to anyone outside of paying off a few minor debts. This past year I have allowed myself to feel overwhelmed and enslaved by those said debts and by the expectations and beliefs of others, but that is an unhealthy and unreasonable way to live. I am free and should be living as such.

In my liberty to choose my life and my next steps, and trusting that God is guiding my will by the transformative work of His Spirit, I will do what is necessary to do what I desire to do and discover more of the world and of myself. I need to stop selling myself short and not being being the leader that I am just because of false self-talk and and because of I am putting myself down or letting people put me down or control me. It is unacceptable and dishonorable to God who made me who I am and has guided me through life to this point. He did not give me desires and gifts to be buried in the dirt, but instead to be used and invested in the world. In this I have failed greatly.

My soul screams out the pain of loss and realization, but also in joy that truth prevails and I can step out of my current situation stronger than ever and overcome the lingering shadows of sin and soul-enslavement. I have set boundaries on my life that diminish my ability to act and I have not set proper boundaries for humanity, and where I have set boundaries I have failed to defend them from intruders that barge through.

I have let time and opportunity slip by because of foolishness and bowing to the whims and perceived thoughts of others. I have feared humanity more than I have God and as a result I have become enslaved to humanity, to the philosophies and expectations of my parents, and to the broken culture that I dwell in. I am the one at fault. Through Christ who liberated me and gave me His Holy Spirit, I can break free of the darkness of my fears; I enjoy His creation and His presence forever and ever and go into the world.


Grace and peace,

Stephen

My Own Worst Enemy

Sometimes the hardest thing for me to do is see the good of the "now." Being the kind of perfectionist that I am, I grow restless when things are not as I believe they should be. Additionally, I am extremely hard on myself when I am not doing as much, or as well, as I believe I should be. Instead of looking at myself and saying "this is where I lack, and this is where I can improve" I magnify my lack to the point of not even allowing myself to recognize my good.

This is not a healthy way of living. I should live in the balance of recognizing both "good" and "bad" (for lack of better words). I guess the point is that in my lack of willingness to accept my non-perfection and in turn refuse to see any good at all. Why do I do this? Why this reaction to my disapproval than another? I'm not sure. I'll leave the Nature vs Nurture debate to the experts on this one. Ultimately, it is my fault either way. Regardless of it being genetics or as a product of my environment, I have the ability to make choices. Even if it is a genetic issues, I can override this through practice, prayer, and support from community.

One thing that I am beginning to accept is that I cannot do this on my own. It is my tendency to think it weakness to need help, but we all need help. We were designed to need community and to function within community. It is not a shameful thing to need others, and if those that you are closest to are not willing to help you or bear your burdens, then perhaps it is time to find another community to be apart of.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

"More? More did you say?!"

Over the years, many song have become distasteful to me because of biased opinion and/or bad experiences that I associate with certain songs, or sometimes I just get so sick of hearing that same song all the time, especially the super repetitive songs.

In my desire to be honest and fair, I started thinking about some of the old songs that I never sing anymore with the intent of separating my biases and my distasteful experiences from the songs that I believed I was being unjust to. I did not get very far.

Most people that I know are familiar with the old song "I Need You More". I grew up hearing the song often, and I myself fell into the mesmerizing lyrics of the song that displayed a great devotion and an "ever increasing need" for Christ and His grace. I have seen many teary eyes and expressions of serenity and false wonder among the worshipers that surrounded me singing this very song.

As I was meditating on the words of the song, I was suddenly hit with the realization that the song, while passionate and full of good intent, lacked critical thought and theological care. It appeals to emotion far more than the intellect, and by default teaches a false understanding of the relationship between God and man.

The chorus is where I find my dissonance. It reads as follows:

"I need you more. More than yesterday I need you Lord. More than Words can say. I need you more than ever before. I need you Lord. I need you Lord."

Now, I obviously have no argument with the statement that words are insufficient to describe the need we have for Christ. The world is full of darkness, hunger, hatred, sorrow and humanity all across the World suffer in a variety of ways. It's the "more than yesterday" and "more than ever before" parts that I am calling into question.

I can think of a couple people whom, if i were to tell this to them in person, would produce tears and begin talking about how they "need Him more" every day, and they might even be offended by my saying this. Perhaps they would accuse me of not having a good "relationship with Christ" or that I am not "in tune with the Spirit".

You might ask "what's wrong with these lyrics? Isn't the writer just being honest about how he feels or about with his relationship with Christ?" At one time I would have asked the same thing, but now it is not so.

Critical analysis leads me to ask this question instead, "can I truly need God more?" I believe the answer is "no." Scripture teaches that God is the creator and sustainer of life. In Him "we live and move and breathe", and outside of God's permission and will we cannot exist. For it was through Christ that we were made and it is through Christ that we remain, that even as He was hanging on a cross with nails in his hands and flesh ripped from His bones He held us in existence.

Given all this, can we say that we need Him more? If our breath, food, water, our very existence relies on Him being Him can we need Him more? I say no. For since before we were conceived in the wombs of our mothers we needed God to the absolute utmost. We always need God and we always will. We do not "need Him more", instead we become more and more aware of our need! We learn to rely on Him more, to trust Him more, and to turn to Him in struggle and in our lacking. We need God just as much when times are good as we do when they are bad.

As you seek and become more and more aware of the human condition and our need for God, I pray that you will desire, trust, and cling to Him who alone can redeem and sustain.

Peace be with you,

Stephen