A Happy Ending

Finally...It's Over

My parents recently signed the papers to end the twenty-some-odd-year season of hurt and struggle that many people commonly refer to as "marriage."

You might think that this is overstepping boundaries-that I have no right to share any such things with the world. After all, it wasn't my marriage right?

HA! WRONG!

You're right… it wasn't my marriage, but this grand catastrophe profoundly affects my life. Covering it up helps no one and only perpetuates the problem. My intent is not to share their junk, but to tell you my experiences and what I learned from living with a less-than-ideal marriage.

A child, though not fully able to comprehend his or her surroundings, can pick up on the subtle issues of his or her parents. I was no exception.

Here are the three things that I learned as a teen dealing with a broken marriage.

1. Fear Suffocates

Whether you cause it or experience it, fear is poisonous to a healthy home environment. Fear can cause us to say and do a lot of crazy things. It enslaves us to the whims of others, keeps us from speaking out against injustice, fosters irrational thought about our relationships, or isolates us from the very people who can help us.

Several kinds of fear wrecked our home. The fear of abandonment, the fear of pain (emotional and physical), the fear of failure, and the fear of social shame.

It was not loving.

Love is not oppressive. It isn't manipulative and controlling.

Instead, love fosters creativity, freedom of thought, safety and security to speak honestly (in a respectful manner) without fear of punishment. It is patient and it approaches others with grace and understanding. This is what my parents needed in their marriage. This is what our home needed as a whole. Instead, we all suffocated within the walls that were supposed to be our sanctuary and our family's place of safety.

Fear reigns when there isn't...

2. Humility and Honesty

Pride can lurk near environments of fear. It is often the very source of fear, or the root of what causes one to instill fear in others. Pride keeps us from being honest with ourselves and with others.

Pride kept certain members of my family from admitting their faults, while simultaneously keeping others from seeking community and processing with others; lest they be thought of as weak or stupid.

As a young adult, I still struggle with trust and with fear.

I fear I will be like my parents.

This is, in part, due to my parents pointing out my faults and manipulatively connecting these flaws to the other parent in an attempt to motivate change. This, of course, only made the whole of our family struggle much worse.

I wish I could have had the courage to speak my mind as a teen and had not lived on in fear. I wish I had been able to speak boldly what I knew was true and face the consequences of my actions with strength.

But sadly I was too deep in insecurity to know that I had what it took to stand up, to revolt.

The lack of humility and honesty was further cultivated by...

3. The Unhealthy Idolization of Family Ideals

I had a lot of pressure put on me to be happy and to be fully invested in a family that I didn't feel safe in. I often heard the phrase "if you can't trust family, you can't trust anyone" in response to my seeking external community and aid. This attempt to inspire me towards a family-centered worldview strongly influenced the way I approached the world.  

My desire to be free of the tension and stress and to build relationships elsewhere was met with shame and sought to keep me trapped within the social structure that bore down on my psyche and hindered my growth as an individual.

To compound these matters, I was often commanded to not share my pain. I was told "family issues stay within the family." This philosophy fosters fear in other areas of life: Fear of social reprimanding, fear of consequences, fear of dishonoring my parents, and fear of crossing boundaries.

I found myself believing that it was wrong to speak ill of anyone in my family, even if it was an attempt to process with a friend.

I was taught to have undying loyalty to family, even though it was family that was most disloyal to me of all of my relationships.

The bible does not center salvation around family, though it talks about families and family ideals. It does not permit that families behave as clichés nor as individualized communities. The gospel of Christ tears down these concepts and breaks the barriers between bloodlines.

It says we are all one family, one people under one King.

 "What happens in the family stays in the family" is false. It is a means of control that fosters fear and pride. We are bound and enslaved! The Church suffers far more disunity than the splitting of denominations, but in the separation of family units. Satan has masked a very serious threat as something that "God prioritizes." It is a subtle tactic that cut us off from meeting our true potential as a people unified under one Lord. Do not place trust and faith on family.

Place trust and faith on God.

This grim fairy tale has met its happy ending. Take my experiences and learn from these errors. Use them. Take the first steps to liberating your life where fear, pride, and false idols are enslaving you; preventing you from the healthy, fulfilling life that God wants you to live.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

On Eagles' Wings

When you're a kid, and the world is small, it is easy to imagine that you can make a difference; that you can save the world. Which is ironic cause most kids can't tell you why the world needs saving. They just know it does.

When I was young I fantasized about being a hero. I imagined that I could fly--that I could sweep in and save someone from harm and take them away to my secret hideout in the side of a mountain where nothing evil could reach it.

As I grew older and my world changed, I began to daydream that that same safe haven wasn't so safe. Family situations began to develop and my ability to comprehend the dysfunction started to shake the paradigms that I had developed within my concrete, 5-year-old mind. In my imaginary world I found that I would have to defend my sanctuaries against attack. Regardless, the place I had conjured in my mind was safe because I fought to keep it safe. Looking back as an adult, I can see the direct correlation between my imagination to my real life issues that I was trying to process out through story.

By the time I was a teenager, my imagination begat fewer and fewer beautiful realities and replaced them with stories of pain and struggle. Stories that didn't always turn out "happily ever after." And everything around me screamed that this...this was normal.

                                                                               ***

There is darkness and suffering. That's undeniable. It's everywhere we look. The beauty of the Gospel is that all can (and will) be redeemed! Christ, our great hope, is the foundation for believing and chasing after a world that is filled with peace and unity! In Christ, we can dare to believe that the impossible can happen; to believe that skin color, gender, and a thousand human variables don't have to divide us and that, in Christ, they won't!

Behold! the Light has come and the darkness cannot understand it!

***

Life has a tendency to clip our wings and strip us of our armor. It's easy to fall into the trap of hardship and despair; to forget that as kids we once flew above the tree and fought against ghosts and goblins. We have grown cold in our elder years with the pain of love and loss. The kingdom of elves has been closed off. The land of golden rivers and sapphire tress has all but vanished. 

"It's time to grow up", they say, not even knowing what they mean or why. 

Should growing up mean that we lose our wonder or that hope must be tucked away in a chest like it's just another child's toy that is no longer relevant or acceptable to play with? 

What would happen if we allowed ourselves the opportunity to hope again? to hope for a unified and peaceful humanity? to dare to believe that we can put an end to racism? to live in a world where border control wasn't needed or travel warning lists could all be burned?

What if we dared to believe that we could fly?

Bloody Religion

A lot of people out there what Christianity to be nice, clean, and efficient, like the office of a major CEO. I used to be one of those people. Reality is, for most of us, that Christianity is anything but clean. It's a bloody operating table and we are just laying on it with our chest ripped open as we wait for the transplant that will rescue us from certain destruction.

It's not clean. It's not prim and proper. It's Christ pouring out his blood to cleanse and cover our mutilated souls that so very much prefer darkness over light.

As a kid I thought I could get by sitting in the examination room. Blinded by the demonic distractions of anti-ritualism and hyper-focus on spiritual encounters and "spreading the gospel" I missed my own desperate need. I didn't just need to be examined and be diagnosed. The diagnose had been in since I was born. I needed action. I needed change.

Don't get me wrong. I was a good kid. I was a faithful Christian even since I was young; my heart was caught up in the spiritual things of God and His scriptures. That might be the worst place to be in. There was a certain young ruler spoken of in the Gospels who wasn't so different. Hell, Saul (later Paul) was similar in this aspect. Though the law of God and the desire for things of the Spirit were
there, there was something missing for the three of us.

I may not have been a murderous, cussing little deviant, but I was broken nonetheless. I had sin in my heart and it manifested in very different ways.

News flash: I still do.

Despite a degree in Christian Ministry and years of youth ministry work, I'm still very much a tainted soul. I wrestle with pride and selfishness constantly! I shows in my work, it shows in my struggle to get up on Sundays and celebrate Eucharist with my fellow believers, and it shows in my negative thought patterns.

I work so hard to combat the darkness in my soul and it's draining! Still I can't overcome, no matter how hard I fight to keep my thoughts captive or how much time I spend in prayer and meditation. Why? I'm relying to much on my own immune system to drive out the sickness inside, but I simply cannot do it alone.

As I pray, I am reminded of my need for Christ. That is one of the prime points of Christianity: I can't do it along, I NEED Christ.

Yes, we are required to put in the soul work, but even more importantly we need to yield ourselves to the cleansing work of Christ in us and let Him do the real work in us.

We do this by being in Christian community, by committing ourselves to spiritual disciplines, to actively choosing each day to live for others and not ourselves, and by participation in Holy Eucharist, by which the Divine Spirit comes and works in us with grace and power.

Though it is painful, until we yield ourselves completely to Christ we will never be free and sin will slowly eat away at our hearts until we are consumed in darkness.

So take me hand and squeeze tight. Get on the surgery table, brace yourself, and let go of your control. We will do this together...


Grace and Peace,
Stephen

Darkness and Starlight

There is a yearning and an aching in seeing a single star in the night sky. It is the whispering of hope that there is light in the midst of our great darkness and there is a greater light to come. Nature screams out to us the truths of God, the ever growing anticipation of reconciliation yet to be completed.

I see darkness every day and I see the pain that lies behind the eyes of dozens of teenagers and, though they dare not utter the words, I hear their souls crying "Help....please just help..." They crave the same reconciliation that all of Creation screams. They crave the healing and wholeness of a world restored and they do not know where to find it, or even where to begin looking.

There was a time when my heart ached and I thought myself broken beyond repair. I thought that I was doomed to shadows; to darkness and pain. I thought I would never find life and that there was no hope anywhere. I went to Church constantly, just trying to find a shred of something that might give me a reason to believe that there was purpose in my pain. I prayed for death often and begged God to end what I thought was a worthless, useless life. He said, "No...let there be Light."

I work hard to love these teenagers because I know of the craving for light in the darkness and I know the difficulty of life in pain without knowing where to turn. I know that God was with me and that He is with my students. I know that He loves them and will never give up on them, and that He asks me to do the same.

We at Shelterwood have been called to live in a dark place that we might know the light Christ in a way we never could before, and in that knowledge we have become a beacon of that light. Daily we struggle to keep going, to yield our hearts and our pride and be what these students need, and by the grace of God we continue to succeed.

Whatever darkness you face, whatever pain resides within your soul, know that God is always with you. There is something that I have found true and often share with my boys. There is Light...there is always Light...even if it's a single star. Let the Light fill you, pick up your mat, and walk.

Grace and Peace,
Stephen

To Become a Jedi (No Spoilers)

I frappin' love Star Wars and have since the re-release of the original trilogy! So with the release of the new film I can strongly feel the weight of anticipation as my long time favorite franchise resurfaces!

When I was a kid (and lets admit it...even now) I wanted to be a Jedi! I wanted to be a laster of the Force and the Lightsaber, defending the galaxy from evil! Sadly, God did not gift me with telekinesis  of super advanced technology. Yet there was something more about being a Jedi than chucking rocks with the mind or carrying blue swords that cut through nearly anything. There were principles, goals, and presence created by Jedi in the midst of the never ending shadow. There was the theme of being a person of Light in the midst of a Dark universe.

I think this is something we can understand. It seems like the tendency to do wrong and the World's undercurrent of pain and shadow might overwhelm us and steal us of life. Yet there is that calling out of the void that says "Live....be Light."

I learned that Dark Lords and evil regimes will rise, but the Light will always persist; it will always fight. I knew that I could never do what I saw as Jedi, but I knew that I could become what they represent. Keepers of peace. Warrior of Light. To chase ideology while embracing realism. Finding balance, and clinging to all that is good.

I may not be a Jedi, but I'm a Christian. Quite frankly, that's pretty darn close.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Not Speaking my Mind?

It's incredible how much of the unknown we actually know about ourselves. 

Yes, yes...what I just said was completely nonsensical but that's part of the point.

This week I had two or three conversations that started with that ominous question "how are you?" and out of nowhere all the stuff that I didn't even realize was going on inside just poured out between my teeth! It seems that my tongue knows more about the state of my soul than my brain does. 

Odd how we can feel like we are completely fine, but the moment someone asks about the deeper things all this junk bubbles up to the surface! A classic case of stuffing and denial meeting reality in the moment of need. 

I am grateful for friends who are safe for me and are willing to filter through those things with me; for people who can help me understand that there are things going on that I am not fully aware of in my heart. 

This is another example of the necessity of community. I do a lot of reflecting and meditating. As a result I am able to sort through a lot of things, but I can't get them all. To meditate on something first requires a place to start, and I don't always know where that place is. Community points to the things that I can't see and forces me to be honest about the things that I myself am not capable of being honest about on my own. 

Being here at Shelterwood has definitely not been easy, but I have received a thousand blessings through this place, and God has used my time here to shape me, grow me, and teach me more about community than I ever thought possible in a single year. Through community He has taught me more about myself than I ever thought possible as well! 

Sometimes, we really need to be able to speak the things on our heart for them to become clear to us and I thank God that He placed those beautiful, safe people in my life to be able to grow into the man that I long to be.

Strangers and Adventures

As a young college student I was lost in a sea of the unknown. I started off on metaphorical journey; my primary quest was to find myself. Yes, this journey was vague, post-modern, poetic, and cliche but I had started it nonetheless and I was determined to succeed. It took many years to find myself, and when I did I was shocked by who I found.

Weird right?! Surely once I turned the last corner of the maze; when I finally found the right light switch and saw myself standing there I would have full and complete understanding of who he was! Surely there would be some sort of overwhelming spiritual sense of comfort and familiarity...RIGHT?

Wrong.

This idea that tranquility at the point of self-discovery is novel, but unrealistic. It is a fanciful thought and such a transcendent experience is an illusion of the mind.

I thought that when I found myself I would recognize myself immediately. Instead I met a stranger. But of course I was a stranger! Why should anyone expect to recognize someone they have never met before?!

When one spends his entire life looking in a broken mirror, or through a muddied reflection, how can he possible know the dimensions of his face or the true distance between his mouth and his ears? In such a discovery there will always be a sense of wonder, as well as unfamiliarity.

Frankly, I'm glad that my expectations were unfounded. Now I have the opportunity to begin discovering who I am and figuring out my limits and pushing the boundaries of my abilities.

Thus ends the journey of self-discovery, and begins the adventure of self-application.


Grace and Peace,

Stephen

The Beauty of Ruins

My favorite type of games to play growing up are what are known as "real-strategy games." My brother and I both played these games, but we had very different ways of playing. While he would do what he could to build up his forces quickly and wipe out his opponent without mercy and without patience, I would often do the opposite. I was defensive in my strategies. I loved building up walls and structures and creating strongholds. I wanted to make cities of refuge and flawless defense. Nothing was to get through. I would become frustrated whenever my walls fell or if I experienced invasion. Inevitably, I would lose a match because I would spend all my time and resources trying to keep the walls intact and perfect instead of taking action.

I am but dust...

Turns out that my strategy for playing video games was not so different than my strategy for life. I've lived my entire life as a wall builder and a perfectionist, desperate to keep control over what people see and don't see about me. Wanting to keep myself impenetrable and free of hurt. Wanting to make myself safe and to appear perfect and whole, even when I wasn't. My efforts proved to be in vain time and time again, and yet I never changed my strategy. I followed through with my building castles and fortresses, and over time my walls have been breached, burned, and found wanting.

I am but dust, and to dust I shall return...

What I have realized recently is that God has been playing a significant part in the destruction of my defenses. Why? Because locked away behind my castle doors I would have died of starvation and disease
. I need my defenses destroyed so that I might grow and that I might know Him more. I needed to be free of my own trap and begin living a different life.

I have been humbled. God took my self-perceived perfections and laid them bare. He took the things I was proud of and shattered them before me, revealing the flaws and showing me who I really am...a sinner; a flawed human being in need of grace. He has seem it fit that I might suffer for the sake of being made pure. To not be caught up in perfection and the safety and comfort of control, but instead to be real and to be vulnerable in the ways He wants me to be. Vulnerable that I might provide love, healing, and shelter for others who are in pain and in need. I can't reach out to other and run to their aid when I'm too busy cowering behind my whitewashed walls.

 I am but dust, and to dust I shall return. Lord...

I have found beauty in the ruins of my soul. In my destruction I am being made into place of refuge. My greatest defense must be God, not my works and my efforts; not my reputation or in opinions. My greatest good is God and my perfection is Him and Him alone. Let the storm come; let the walls be obliterated and my ivory towers break. I know It is for my strengthening and my purging. Let them fall. I know my God is with me and He won't abandon me. Take what I have, I deserve none of it anyway.

I am but dust...
And to dust I shall return...
Lord, Make haste to save...

Where Dusk Meets the Dawn

Some days I think I got stuff figured out; that I've discovered the attitude and mindset that one should bear to experience fullness of growth and live most submitted to the will of God. In my defense, I've never claimed to be without pride haha. Every time I get to the point where I think "Oh man, I think I got it this time!" God is like "NOPE! Good try though!", and then I'm back at the drawing board.

Today is one of those days where I am struck with the realization that I definitely don't know everything, and also a day where I realize that I haven't quite dealt with some stuff that I thought I had! It's subtle experiences and revelations that keep life interesting. They slip in and the world changes!

Today I am filled with awe as I meditate on my relationship with God. I recognize a dissonance in my heart toward the cliche word "relationship". Partially because the word is incredibly overused, but another is that it seems so...limiting. The word cannot grasp the depth of what it is to know God and be known by God. At least, it doesn't seem to.

I have come to the conclusion that the question "how is your relationship with God?" is a very poor one to ask. I have found that a better question would be "how are you doing spiritually?" or "What has spiritual discipline been looking like for you lately?" These are questions that more accurately portray what is being asked and provides better insight into one's interaction with God and much more informative of the soul's formation.

To describe one's relationship with God is so difficult compared to a relationship with another human being. It is the colors of daytime mixed with the solitude and peace of the country. It is the ocean waves crashing against the sand; the wind rushing over grassy plains. It is where city meets country. It is dawn and dusk all in one. It is a divine dance of romance; of joy and of sorrow. To be in a "relationship" with the great, eternal Being that created everything, who loves perfectly and is perfectly trustworthy...it is an incredibly one sided relationship indeed.

I cannot describe God, so why would I think that I can capture what it is to be loved by Him or to live life alongside Him? I can't even begin to understand why He causes or allows certain events and circumstances to occur, so why do I believe I can define it or create a formula for spirituality?

I used to believe that the heart of God was found in Israel, in a certain biological and political grouping of humanity and Christians were an add on. I was wrong, the heart of God is humanity as a whole! It's in the individual person and in the gathering of people. His heart is us. Is delight is in us! In our broken, marred, and disgusting state He loves and delights in us! He craves and pursues humanity, allowing us to experience His glory and love, though we deserve annihilation.

How great and magnificent is our God above all other gods?! How pure and loving and majestic is He who sacrificed Himself to Himself to pay a debt that was not His and to bring forth reconciliation on our behalf when we were found incapable of doing so ourselves!

Perhaps you are going through a time of sorrow and it is difficult to see God in the midst of the shadows of life. Even the darkness whispers of the love of God. I find that this is often the case for me as well, but I have found that God has never left me and it is in the shadows that He reveals His healing light. Do not fear the darkness for Christ is with you. Do not fret the valley for it does not last forever, and when you breach the mist and walk out of the the crevice of death you will find Him there and He will give you peace.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Burn It Down

In his book Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton wrote about the prerequisites for true change. He stated that for someone to change something they must A) hate it enough to want to change it and B) love it enough to think it worth changing. Nestled between the two is the spot in which action can create true change. To do this, one must often be willing to raze it to the ground to accomplish the desired outcome. Sometimes we need to just stop patching the holes and blow bigger holes in the walls instead. tear it down and start over.

Life is not a Bob Ross painting. You can't also paint over your "happy little accidents", although it is possible to do at times. No, sometimes our lives are a complex acritextureal feat, and in the midst of our building we realize the foundation is flawed. Therefore, instead of continuing we tear down all that lies above the foundation so that we might fix it. Then, and only then, do we start again. One might tear down their structures a hundred times, but anything worth making with worth making perfectly, and anything worth making perfectly is worth burning down again and again until it can stand a thousand years.

Plans, ambitions, goals, activities, projects, art, buildings...the tangible and intangible. These things often need to be trashed and started over. The question is that do we hate our flaws enough to want to change them, and we love the flawed thing (ourselves, others, relationships, businesses, cities, nations, etc) enough to believe it worth changing?

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Aspirations

What is something worth aspiring towards? What is worth doing? Each of my friends has something they aspire to be or do. For one it is to be consistent in all that he believes and to teach others to be consistent as well. Another seeks to live with discipline in the realm of Christian tradition and to have vast understanding of historical theology and understanding. Another aspires to good biblical theology and an understanding of the ancient languages that form the holy Scriptures and to teach others. And another seek to become well versed in psychology and to understand the mind to be able to reach out to broken men and women caught up in a world of brokenness, depression, sex slavery, and abuse.

All of these things, though in many ways very similar, are unique and independent aspirations that a beautiful to behold. Not all, however, have the same aspirations nor do people always appreciate these goals fully. Not everyone understands why one might want to start a nonprofit that helps the sexually abused as well as the abuser. Not everyone sees the importance of tradition or of original texts.

So here is where I find myself a little lost. I have nothing that I really specialize in, and I cannot think of single thing that I am passionate about. What is this? Apathy? Maybe. I'm really not sure. I mull over a thousand different things that I could pursue. I come across causes and the like that inspire me and even spark a desire to act, but all too soon that spark fades and I'm back at square one.

I confess that this reality scares me a little. It leads me to question myself and to wonder if there is an area I am broken in. There is. Depression and self-pity are two of the diseases that plague my soul and have for a very long time. It would be pointless and dishonest to deny that this is true. The consistent self-destructive thinking cripples my advance toward something I want to do. Before I even begin my task I've already told myself that I can't do it and I burn the bridge before it's even built.

I think that what I struggle with is more common than I once believed. I am hearing more and more about people who struggle with the same things as I. I know that there are events and relationships throughout my life that have played important factors into who I am and how I behave, but I must accept ultimate blame for what I do or don't do. Could a lot of crap been avoided by the actions of others? Absolutely. Will they be held responsible? Of course, but so will I. I will take the blunt of the blame just as I will take the measure of responsibility for what I did and did not do for others in need.

My responsibility now is to rise above my habits and the darkness that threatens me. I will seek help when necessary; I will make plans and push myself to get past the written lists I've developed. I will seek and trust God to lead me through the dark valleys that will build up my soul and make me holier tomorrow than I was yesterday. I will aspire to be a godly person and that faces every adversary with boldness and faith, to be free of cultural shackles that give me false interpretations of what is greatness and what is admirable. I will aspire to be the fullness of what God has desired to be the person of Stephen Green.


Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Healing in Darkness

When you think of healing you probably think of relief, light, happiness, peace, etc. These are the places that we often associate as being closest to God and the areas in which He most speaks to us. It is easy to come to the conclusion that God, being Light, speaks to us in the periods of light that we walk through. 

"The Light shines in the Darkness, and the Darkness has not overcome it..."   -John 1

This is the push within a lot of categories of Christianity. It is a push to reach a spiritual high; to focus, worship, and pray hard enough and long enough to enter into a place of God's "presence" that they might hear Him speaking to them and guiding them.

I have often heard it preached that you are either moving closer to God or you are backsliding; there is no middle ground or stagnation. One must seek God or they will move into darkness and experience the consequences thereof. Often, this understanding of the spiritual life of a Christian and his/her relationship to God is hard to reconcile with reality. What happens when the Christian that follows faithfully the teaching of His pastor/priest, prays continuously, attends services weekly, and reads scripture consistently, but faces times of darkness, despair, apathy, and physical/financial/emotional destruction?

The answer is often "It's just the devil!" and then they quote scripture and state that these "trials and tribulations" are proof that one is living right and the Devil is just mad. So the one enduring hardship and struggle goes on with his little "word of encouragement" and tries to endure. Labeling it all as spiritual warfare, he prays that God will come quickly from whatever distant star He watches from to come to his aid and deliver him from the impending darkness. All the while, not realizing that God is right there with him, leading him deeper into the darkness and into suffering because He knows that though His child prays for relief, it is more beneficial that he suffers.

Too often we fail to see God in the midst of our darkest moments. We beg and plead, we may even demand, healing and most of the time we expect that healing to be instant. We pray for closeness to God and expect butterflies in our stomachs or the feeling that a major weight has been lifted. Though God does do this from time to time, it is not the rule. Instead, He leads us to place of suffering that may, or may not, include the demonic. The hard truth is that sometimes, Satan just isn't involved.

"He has caused me to dwell in darkness as those who are long dead..." -Lamentations 8

What is most true is that God loves us. We as humans, however, often hold falsehoods and misunderstandings as to what love is and how God should display that love. Love is the sacrifice of oneself for another, but love is also discipline for one's wrong doing. Love is a parent forcing their child to pick up an instrument and bear the pain of practicing, or pushing them to practice soccer so that they will not be humiliated on the field or refusing to let them give up just because something is hard. If a parent would cause their child to endure hardship and struggle to become a better individual, how much more with God do this out of His infinite and perfect love.

"Then, there was a still, small whisper. And God was in it." - 1 Kings

God speaks most in the silent places of our lives. In our darkest and most hideous places in life, He speaks to us the clearest. He does the most healing when we are forced to expose our wounds and weaknesses. We are often drawn back into the deepest and darkest parts of our souls so that out of our toiling, that Christ might shine through all the brighter. God is answering the prayers for closeness and holiness, and it is our duty to learn to recognize God's hand in the darkness, allow others to help us in our weakness, and then to help others in theirs.

The greatest metaphor for this that I've ever heard comes from C.S. Lewis' "The Horse and His Boy". In the latter part of the book, the young boy finds himself walking down around and is suddenly overcome by a thick fog. He is unable to see anything! All is silent and He doesn't know where to go or what to do, so he just keeps walking slowly, hoping to reach his destination in time. Before long he hears breathing and senses the presence of "another" next to him. He is afraid because he cannot see what walks beside him, but he knows it's there. The unknown being leads him wordlessly through the fog into clarity. Only then does the boy realize that he had been walking beside a massive lion! The lion was, of course, Aslan. Aslan then began speaking the boy and revealing His working in the boy's life, though he was oblivious to it all.

May we learn to see God when we lie in our dungeons or when we walk in the middle of the desert. May we learn to trust the unseen One in the fog that leads us with nothing more than the whisper of His breathing.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

"Troubles" By Stephen Green II

They say troubles come in 3’s;

I say that troubles grow on trees.

Smoke billows around weeping willows

And all is silent upon the tear-stained pillows.

In a young man’s room where shadows promise comfort,

The loneliness of the Middle dampens every effort

To be more than just a byproduct of lust and desire;

To be more than a pawn’s head placed upon a crooked spire. 

They say troubles come in 3’s

I say that troubles grow on trees.

Shelters are prisons and forts are cages;

Punishments plus smiles are offered as wages.

Insensitively screaming “You think you got the stuff?!”

To the boy that dared to say “Dad,that’s enough.”

Other-worldly strength hidden behind weakness.

The strength of a man behind involuntary meekness. 

They say troubles comes in 3’s

I say troubles grow on trees. 

Yet there is hope amidst the strain 

And priceless is the gain

When one survives the storm

And goes against the norm.

A Christian most suceeds

When troubles grow on trees.

Ordered Steps

Lately it seems like God is really taking the extra effort to speak to me through people, while also using me to speak to others. Over the last few weeks, there have been people who have consistently come and spoken things to me in times of great need or relevance to my current place in life, including those who have approached me and told me things right out of the blue like "You need to be bold, stop worrying about other people opinions", and then other friends speak similar things, followed by random scripture readings that speak the same, and then a sermon from the pastor on the topic matter.

People have come to me with random statements of encouragement and stories that have deeply affected my heart. It is impossible to deny that God has ordained it that I should interact with certain people and to hear sermons, stories, and specific conversations to bring about change in my life in a very direct way...in a very personal, as well as obvious way. I cannot say that God's working in my life has been this apparent in quite some time. It is a joyful thing for me to have been in this season for the last month, and I find it difficult to accept that soon I will have to move back into seasons of silence and faith before too long, but I will not worry about the silence that lies before me. Instead I will enjoy the now, and accept the guidance, love, and discipline for Christ while I am allowed to yet hear and see. In this I know that God is preparing me and strengthening me. He did not end my life, but instead has rewarded me with the relief and comfort of His being near, so that I might continue to serve in the dark places of the world.

When I was 16-17 years old, I was actively a part of a prayer team that met every Saturday night to pray for the life of the Church. One night I was approached by an older woman that I didn't know, but had seen at the meetings quite frequently. She told me that she had seen a vision of me standing in the middle of Darkness surrounded by people. I turned  the only section of wall visible and grabbed a torch from it. This torch was the only source of light  around. She then stated that I raised the torch into the air and ran...I ran into the darkness all who were with me chased after me, and as I ran I came upon others and I grabbed them from the darkness; they too followed behind me as I ran with the torch. I am often reminded of that night when she told me of her vision, and whether or not she spoke in Spirit or in Flesh, I have been consistently reminded of it and inspired to keep going because of that vision.

I pray that I am strong enough to endure, but even more than that: to be able to carry others through their struggles and pains and bring Light to those that have none. I want to be that man that runs in the darkness; I believe that that is the person God is changing me into.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

#ChristiansAndTheirWeirdNeedToMakeStatementsInHashtags

I love culture. Its complex, it's beautiful, and its the structure in which society functions and operates. Culture is full of wonderful and hideous elements of humanity, but it is essential. Culture is the stumbling block of Americans...and the Church. Americans often are insensitive to cultures other than theirs. Christians typically are either far removed from culture to the point of irreverence or they try so hard that they make it awkward.  Why is this? I haven't a clue.

                     (The above pic can be found on http://www.stuffchristianculturelikes.com/2008/08/15-believing-that-america-is-christian.html)
It is important to understand that the Church is a creator of culture, but to some degree must be aware of the culture that it indwells. Never to conform to the culture and give in to sin or be lax on doctrine, but adaptive none the less. To be apart of culture does take some thoughtful effort, but it should not be such a strain. There is such a thing as..."overkill" (or should we call it "overtweet"?).

Not a day does by that I do not see a picture or some text on Facebook that makes me "smh" (shake my head). I am appalled by the "Share if you love Jesus! Don't if you love Satan" posts. What point is there to this? To manipulate people's weak consciences and emotional states to get them to post something? Does reposting a picture bring some sort of legitimacy to your love of God? You may not think this is a big deal...but what happens when statements like these leave the confines of Facebook and simple matter of reposting and enter into the Church -culture in the real world? What happens when pastors and/or youth pastors start making these kind of statements to get people to do what they want them to? It's a dangerous place to be.

Along the same lines of the previous paragraph, why do so many Christians leave weird hash-tags?

#ChrsitansLivinItReal
#GodLovesMe
#LivinTheBlessedLife (I laugh every time)
#Truth
#TheWord

..and the list goes on. I'm not saying it's wrong to say these things or that the statements are untrue. I'm simply questioning our overuse of these statements and what appears to be a need for people to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you #LoveJesus or that your #BlessedAndHighlyFavored (I actually hate this one for a variety of personal and theological reasons). What I'm saying is go and be real. Be "in the World but not of it" in such away that you are light in the World and salt to the culture.

#PeaceBeUponYou (lol)

Stepheno Verde