Strangers and Adventures

As a young college student I was lost in a sea of the unknown. I started off on metaphorical journey; my primary quest was to find myself. Yes, this journey was vague, post-modern, poetic, and cliche but I had started it nonetheless and I was determined to succeed. It took many years to find myself, and when I did I was shocked by who I found.

Weird right?! Surely once I turned the last corner of the maze; when I finally found the right light switch and saw myself standing there I would have full and complete understanding of who he was! Surely there would be some sort of overwhelming spiritual sense of comfort and familiarity...RIGHT?

Wrong.

This idea that tranquility at the point of self-discovery is novel, but unrealistic. It is a fanciful thought and such a transcendent experience is an illusion of the mind.

I thought that when I found myself I would recognize myself immediately. Instead I met a stranger. But of course I was a stranger! Why should anyone expect to recognize someone they have never met before?!

When one spends his entire life looking in a broken mirror, or through a muddied reflection, how can he possible know the dimensions of his face or the true distance between his mouth and his ears? In such a discovery there will always be a sense of wonder, as well as unfamiliarity.

Frankly, I'm glad that my expectations were unfounded. Now I have the opportunity to begin discovering who I am and figuring out my limits and pushing the boundaries of my abilities.

Thus ends the journey of self-discovery, and begins the adventure of self-application.


Grace and Peace,

Stephen

The Mirrors of Fiction

If I were ever to write a book, I think that the hardest part would be to create a diverse collection of characters that didn't reflect me. It would be difficult to not make a hero character that had my red hair, irresistible charm, and incredibly handsome features! Haha, I'm just kidding. It is true, however, that the characters that I created would be highly influenced by my thoughts, experience, worldview, and personality traits. I wonder how various authors see their characters and how they develop them. Do the authors ever see themselves in the books they write?

I know that I often find myself in the books that I'm reading. In the movies and TV shows I find myself clinging to characters and feeling as if I have some sort of tie to that character. The question is, why? I wondered for a time if perhaps my seeing myself in characters of a book was merely my self-centered nature coming out...me thinking of myself more than I should, but no. That is not the case. Within characters of fictitious origin and through their action or inaction we can discover ourselves. We can learn about who we are, who we are not, and who we wish we were.

As a part of my recent desire to be self-aware I decided to engage in a little exercise. I began analyzing  my childhood favorites and began to search for answers as to why I loved them so much. What I found was very interesting. The following is a list of some favorite characters that I have held most dear and/or found connection with over the course of my life:

• Luke Skywalker (If you don't know what movie he's in...just stop reading and go educate yourself)
• Obi-Wan Kenobi (Episode I version)
• Yoda (Duuuuhhhh)
• Gandalf (LoTR)
• Elrond (Also, LoTR)
• Eragon (Inheritance series)
• Raven (Teen Titans)
• Batman (but not Bruce Wayne...which I find interesting)
• William Herondale (The Infernal Devices series)
• Clary Fairchild (The Mortal Instruments series)
• Pretty much any of the main characters from Avatar: the Last Airbender (each one for a different reason)

Many of the characters I liked came from the desire to be wise and be a person others turn to for support and guidance (hence Yoda and Gandalf), while others seemed to embody the loneliness and the feeling of darkness within myself while desiring to be a person of light and good (Raven, Batman, William, etc.) and others still represented my desire to be someone that rose out of weakness and mediocrity to become a person of honor and a protector of life and justice (Clary, Luke, Eragon, etc). 

Additionally, I found that I have a high view of words and language...almost to the point of believing that my words actually hold supernatural power (a doctrine often found in charismatic churches that I found appealing). This admiration for language and power in words only reinforced my love for the characters Gandalf, Raven, Clary, William, and Eragon. 

If you don't know these characters that's ok. While it would be easier for you to grasp an understanding of me through the knowledge of these fictitious entities, they are not necessary. So what about you? What can you glean from exploring your own thoughts and emotions concerning books, movies, and the like? What can you achieve from taking the time to pick apart your favorite heroes and villains? Think of the cartoon characters you associated yourself with as a child; of the books you read and the stories you most loved and the ones you most hated. Why did you like them? Why did you hate them? You might find out something about yourself that you never knew. 

It could be something as broad as something that encompasses human nature as a whole, or something a precise as unique trait that makes up who you are as an individual.

Through the creations of artists, play-writers, and authors we can answer the questions of identify and become self-aware in ways that would otherwise be harder or even impossible. I believe we can look past the shallow feelings of "like" or "dislike" and catch a glimpse or ourselves through the mirrors that are stories and fairy tales, and even through historical events and people long deceased.

Peace be with you,

Stephen

"Who...are...you?"

If you have ever watched the movie Alice in Wonderland, then you know what I'm talking about when I saw "that is one creepy caterpillar!", but he asks a question of Alice that, I believe, is important for all of us to ask of ourselves. "Who are you?"

This is a question that we naturally begin to ask ourselves (though most in our subconscious) as we enter our teenage years. Lies and deceits imposed upon us by our peers, family, and even ourselves often keep us from discovering the answer to this question. If you live outside of Christ, then you will never be able to fully answer that question. In Christ is where the fullness of one's being lies.

When I was a sophomore in college, I had a shift in thought. I had often asked the question "why am I?' while I was in high school, but now I took this other question and I moved it from the subconscious to the conscious and began the journey to understanding myself. It's not as easy as one might think. Over the years I have managed to make some progress, but I was stunted by something. Something of vast importance.

I lacked the desire to be honest with myself. As much as I wanted to know myself, to do what I am good at, etc. I wanted even more to avoid the risk of pain and disappointment that I might experience upon finding that answer. I wanted all the good, but I was scared to hear the bad, and more often than not I began picturing myself as a hideous being that was void of strength and value. I distorted the good as I refused to hear the bad; letting my imagination and fears control me. This is an unhealthy and ubiblical style of living.

Knowledge is power, and it is important to have knowledge about yourself. There are a few significant facts we must accept as we seek to know and understand ourselves.

1. Outside of Christ we can't even come close to the truth of our being
2. Chances are that you will not have a complete understanding, but that should never keep you from trying
3. Honesty is vital, and you must take the bad along with the good. Otherwise you will be out of balance. To repair and strengthen the weakness requires honesty.
4. It isn't something done  alone. We need others to help point out what we cannot see or to correct our vision. We need community to help repair and improve.
5. It definitely won't happen over night. Anything worth doing is worth the time it takes to do it. Such a task will require much of your time for prayer, meditation, and critical thought and research. 

If you are seeking this understanding, I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to not give up when it gets hard. The challenge and difficulty will only serve to aid you and make it all the more worth it. If you have never moved from the subconscious to the conscious, then let me encourage you to do so. You will find your life improved from you questioning and seeking. 

Peace be with you,

Stephen