Bloody Religion

A lot of people out there what Christianity to be nice, clean, and efficient, like the office of a major CEO. I used to be one of those people. Reality is, for most of us, that Christianity is anything but clean. It's a bloody operating table and we are just laying on it with our chest ripped open as we wait for the transplant that will rescue us from certain destruction.

It's not clean. It's not prim and proper. It's Christ pouring out his blood to cleanse and cover our mutilated souls that so very much prefer darkness over light.

As a kid I thought I could get by sitting in the examination room. Blinded by the demonic distractions of anti-ritualism and hyper-focus on spiritual encounters and "spreading the gospel" I missed my own desperate need. I didn't just need to be examined and be diagnosed. The diagnose had been in since I was born. I needed action. I needed change.

Don't get me wrong. I was a good kid. I was a faithful Christian even since I was young; my heart was caught up in the spiritual things of God and His scriptures. That might be the worst place to be in. There was a certain young ruler spoken of in the Gospels who wasn't so different. Hell, Saul (later Paul) was similar in this aspect. Though the law of God and the desire for things of the Spirit were
there, there was something missing for the three of us.

I may not have been a murderous, cussing little deviant, but I was broken nonetheless. I had sin in my heart and it manifested in very different ways.

News flash: I still do.

Despite a degree in Christian Ministry and years of youth ministry work, I'm still very much a tainted soul. I wrestle with pride and selfishness constantly! I shows in my work, it shows in my struggle to get up on Sundays and celebrate Eucharist with my fellow believers, and it shows in my negative thought patterns.

I work so hard to combat the darkness in my soul and it's draining! Still I can't overcome, no matter how hard I fight to keep my thoughts captive or how much time I spend in prayer and meditation. Why? I'm relying to much on my own immune system to drive out the sickness inside, but I simply cannot do it alone.

As I pray, I am reminded of my need for Christ. That is one of the prime points of Christianity: I can't do it along, I NEED Christ.

Yes, we are required to put in the soul work, but even more importantly we need to yield ourselves to the cleansing work of Christ in us and let Him do the real work in us.

We do this by being in Christian community, by committing ourselves to spiritual disciplines, to actively choosing each day to live for others and not ourselves, and by participation in Holy Eucharist, by which the Divine Spirit comes and works in us with grace and power.

Though it is painful, until we yield ourselves completely to Christ we will never be free and sin will slowly eat away at our hearts until we are consumed in darkness.

So take me hand and squeeze tight. Get on the surgery table, brace yourself, and let go of your control. We will do this together...


Grace and Peace,
Stephen

The Art of Giving and Receiving

This past week I met up with the head rector of my church for lunch and conversation. We discussed a great many things going on in my life and the various decisions that I currently am facing. I shared my frustrations and my concerns about my lack of ministry work since having been in Knoxville and my failed attempt to be involved in a ministry earlier on in the year, to which he gave a response I was not expecting. "God is trying to teach you to receive", he said, "He is balancing you out and not allowing you to give because in giving you have control and in receiving you have none. Learn to receive. It's ok that God has you in this place and it's ok to receive."

These words have taken a good deal of my thinking and pondering this week. He is completely right! It;s is good to be someone who knows how to be giving, but it is also good to be one who can receive when the need is there. It is not an easy thing for me to receive money and gifts, even when I have great need of it; in my pride I often refrain from turning to others for help. This deprives others of the opportunity to show Christ to me, as well as causes me to suffer for my own pride. I am, in a sense, dishonoring the beauty of the Church and not allowing her to function as She should in the world because I brush off help and say "that is for someone in greater need tan I."

At the same time, the church needs to be ready to show love and grace to those in need, especially those within the body of Christ. I remember several years back I was sitting with a few people from my church that I didn't know very well. They were older members of the congregation and,, as far as I knew, very active seekers of God and His will. One of the kids from the small group I led was there with me as well. As we were sitting, a man entered the church and approached us; he asked if he could speak with an elder of the church or the pastor. He explained that he was in great need and was looking for anyone who would help him; he also stated that his own church had denied him any service or aid.

In response I explained that the church did not have "elders" but that I would be more than welcome to direct him to the secretary and he might be able to speak with the head pastor. I directed him to the offices and then returned to me seat. After he had departed, one of the two older members spoke. "I wouldn't DARE show up at a church like that asking for help!", she said, "When I and my husband hit rock bottom I went and found another job and I paid off our bills and I pulled us out of debt! The nerve!" This angered me greatly, but I stayed calm. I tried to reason with her but she would not budge. Lost in her pride, she refused to to even see that the church is the first place a person in need should turn. She was caught up in her own achievements and allowed those to justify her indignite behavior towards the man that came knocking and, in humility, asking for aid.

As far as I know, that man did receive help. Thankfully, the leadership was not as arrogant and and unloving as that woman. We all have areas of our life that we fail in, and we must all go through the process of being purged of our false thinking. I pray that that woman will one day see the errors in her thinking so that she can begin to fulfill the gospel in an even greater way rather than boasting in the false gospel of achievement.

In the same way, I have failed. I have fallen for the false gospel of achievement by seeking to be the giver and by doing deeds to gain favor, rather than doing good simply because I love God or because I love people. Giving out of selfish motivation and self gratification/glorification is just as sinful as the woman belittling the man and boasting of her on achievements.

Love God. Love others as yourself.

These summarize all the law, and when we do these we learn to engage in the art of giving and receiving to/from God and to/from our community of believers.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

By Spirit or By Flesh

 The other day I was drinking coffee with my best friend at our favorite local coffee shop. I was reading Paul's letter to the Philippians while he was studying the biblical text (whether in Hebrew or Greek, I remember not). Now, I had read this letter many times of the course of my life, as have most people who were raised in a "Christian" home (I do not put the word "Christian" in quotations to say that may family does not meet that criteria. I do so to ease my conviction of misusing a noun as an adjective). As I was reading, however, I found myself struck by one of the passages and began meditating on Paul's words. Here are the verse that the Holy Spirit struck my heart with.

^{Philippians 1:12} I want you to know, brothers,^[e] that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, ¹³ so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard^[f] and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. ¹⁴ And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word^[g] without fear.

¹⁵  Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will. ¹⁶ The latter do it out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. ¹⁷ The former proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment. ¹⁸ What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.

Astounding! A lot of times in the church we find ourselves arguing and debating over frivolous things, such as sprinkling vs. fully emerging baptisms, KJV vs. modern translations, cultural equivalency vs. ignoring culture, etc. etc. etc. As for me, I often find myself being overly critical of actions being taken within the Church. "Is that biblical?", "Are your intentions pure?", "Is this being led by a manipulator?", "What are the consequences of what you just said in your sermon?" These are all good questions in and of themselves, but my heart is rarely in the right place, and I ultimately miss the most important questions of all..."Is God being glorified in the lives of men?" and "Is it advancing the Kingdom?" These two question are far more important than anything else.

When I read these words of Paul, I suddenly had recollections of a man in a small town just an hour North of my city. I had been driving through and had stopped at the local grocery store for a drink and was headed on my way. As I was leaving the building I noticed him standing on the far side of the parking lot with a book in his hand and he was yelling out into the parking lot. He had no one in particular that he was speaking too directly, and the book in his hand was obviously a Bible. He yelled out one of the most passionate "hell-fire and brimstone sermons" that I have heard to date and he would not stop. My initial attitude toward him was not one of awe, compassion, or respect. In fact I found myself rather angry at him for his choice of methods for preaching the gospel. In my mind it was a misrepresentation of Christ, even though nothing he said was actually false, but it weighed more on the element of fear and emotion to entice people to seek a "fire-escape" Savior. It was not a sermon preached with love and compassion...but with a fierce anger.


God, however, stepped in and has offered me a firm, yet gentle, rebuke through the writing of one of His greatest servants. Paul's words rang in my mind over and over like the sound of church bells echoing through a city. Paul makes it clear that he doesn't care whether they are preaching in love or with selfishness, as long as Christ is being proclaimed to the lost! Ultimately, we know that those who preached out of selfishness will have to answer for their actions, but what matters above all else is that Christ is glorified among the the sinners of the World!

So how many other people have I looked upon with pride and arrogance because they did not have the complexity of doctrine and training that I've had? How many times have I grieved the Holy Spirit because of my foolishness, instead of looking at my fellow believers with love and compassion? I have not changed in my disapproval of that man choice of methodology, but instead I take heart and am now praising God that he is being used to spread the Gospel regardless of how he is doing it. As long as the truth being taught, and the Gospel not perverted, then what wrong method is there?