My Thesis

One of the most difficult part of writing for me is finding continuity and thesis. I can barely stay on one subject or create a work that isn't going a thousand directions! Every time I send my stuff to my friend Chase, I get the same question. "Where are you trna go with this???" and then he would say "You are saying a lot of good stuff about a lot of different things....what's your thesis?"

UGH! IT'S INFURIATING!

Not Chase, but continually having to hear those same words over and over to bring me back in mine and set me on the proper course (Gah that will preach!).

SEE! Even now my mind is drawn a thousand directions trying to decide what to write about!

Here's what I'm getting at though. At the end of the day, when it's all said and done, what is the thesis of my life?

Okay okay. Hokey I know but seriously?! God has intent for my life, and so do I! There is something that I'm aiming for in life, and the reality is that I am all over the place outside of my mind as much as I am in! Take a list of my goals and aspirations and you would see that I'm all over the place there as well!

What is my thesis?!

Chase, where are you?! You are supposed to set me back in line here!

Haha, but seriously where do I want my life to go? What cause do I want to uphold? What is the one thing I want to be remembered for? to leave behind as a legacy?

Over the last three weeks, this has been theme of my convictions, meditations, and prayers.

I think I've got it. The books I'm reading, the sermons I stumble into, the conversations that I have all point towards something burning in my soul.

I want, when it's all said and done and I lie in my grave, that I will be remembered for reflecting the heart of Christ both in justice and in grace, but more importantly in love. I want my love to so deeply and thoroughly consume my life that all that whoever I interact with are consumed with understanding of God's justice and His overcoming grace!

That...that's my thesis: to live, and live fully in the light of the Holy, life-giving cross.

Grace and Peace,
Stephen

Aspirations

What is something worth aspiring towards? What is worth doing? Each of my friends has something they aspire to be or do. For one it is to be consistent in all that he believes and to teach others to be consistent as well. Another seeks to live with discipline in the realm of Christian tradition and to have vast understanding of historical theology and understanding. Another aspires to good biblical theology and an understanding of the ancient languages that form the holy Scriptures and to teach others. And another seek to become well versed in psychology and to understand the mind to be able to reach out to broken men and women caught up in a world of brokenness, depression, sex slavery, and abuse.

All of these things, though in many ways very similar, are unique and independent aspirations that a beautiful to behold. Not all, however, have the same aspirations nor do people always appreciate these goals fully. Not everyone understands why one might want to start a nonprofit that helps the sexually abused as well as the abuser. Not everyone sees the importance of tradition or of original texts.

So here is where I find myself a little lost. I have nothing that I really specialize in, and I cannot think of single thing that I am passionate about. What is this? Apathy? Maybe. I'm really not sure. I mull over a thousand different things that I could pursue. I come across causes and the like that inspire me and even spark a desire to act, but all too soon that spark fades and I'm back at square one.

I confess that this reality scares me a little. It leads me to question myself and to wonder if there is an area I am broken in. There is. Depression and self-pity are two of the diseases that plague my soul and have for a very long time. It would be pointless and dishonest to deny that this is true. The consistent self-destructive thinking cripples my advance toward something I want to do. Before I even begin my task I've already told myself that I can't do it and I burn the bridge before it's even built.

I think that what I struggle with is more common than I once believed. I am hearing more and more about people who struggle with the same things as I. I know that there are events and relationships throughout my life that have played important factors into who I am and how I behave, but I must accept ultimate blame for what I do or don't do. Could a lot of crap been avoided by the actions of others? Absolutely. Will they be held responsible? Of course, but so will I. I will take the blunt of the blame just as I will take the measure of responsibility for what I did and did not do for others in need.

My responsibility now is to rise above my habits and the darkness that threatens me. I will seek help when necessary; I will make plans and push myself to get past the written lists I've developed. I will seek and trust God to lead me through the dark valleys that will build up my soul and make me holier tomorrow than I was yesterday. I will aspire to be a godly person and that faces every adversary with boldness and faith, to be free of cultural shackles that give me false interpretations of what is greatness and what is admirable. I will aspire to be the fullness of what God has desired to be the person of Stephen Green.


Grace and Peace,

Stephen