Sweet, Sweet Memories

Today I went to the office of my apartment complex to retrieve a package that I WASN'T expecting. Upon retrieving the package I immediately looked for the sender's info; I was delighted to find that the package was form a couple of dear friends of mine currently living in the frozen wonderland of New Canada (a.k.a Minnesota).

It's amazing how something as simple as a bag of coffee and few personal, thoughtful notes written on the side of said bag of coffee can brighten ones day and flood one's thoughts with a thousand beautiful memories of times gone by! :)

A year ago I might have mourned the passing of that period of my life and taken upon myself a cloak of sadness at no longer being near these friends of mine or being in Italy with them. I find, however, that I over the last year that God has so greatly worked in my heart and mind that instead of sadness, I fully embrace the  joy of times past, the gratitude of friendships that survive the harshness of time and distance, and the grace of a God that has allowed me to have both.

I may no longer be in Italy, but I still have those memories. I may not be living in the same building as those dear friends of mine, but I still call them friends and I know that we are there for each other if life were to rage against us. I have learned from the past and look to the future with a great hope and with the knowledge that I have many more unique experiences awaiting me. Places to go, people to meet, and a God that is going to be with me through it all!

Ave Atque Vale! Hail and Farewell!

Peace be upon you,

Stephen

The Mirrors of Fiction

If I were ever to write a book, I think that the hardest part would be to create a diverse collection of characters that didn't reflect me. It would be difficult to not make a hero character that had my red hair, irresistible charm, and incredibly handsome features! Haha, I'm just kidding. It is true, however, that the characters that I created would be highly influenced by my thoughts, experience, worldview, and personality traits. I wonder how various authors see their characters and how they develop them. Do the authors ever see themselves in the books they write?

I know that I often find myself in the books that I'm reading. In the movies and TV shows I find myself clinging to characters and feeling as if I have some sort of tie to that character. The question is, why? I wondered for a time if perhaps my seeing myself in characters of a book was merely my self-centered nature coming out...me thinking of myself more than I should, but no. That is not the case. Within characters of fictitious origin and through their action or inaction we can discover ourselves. We can learn about who we are, who we are not, and who we wish we were.

As a part of my recent desire to be self-aware I decided to engage in a little exercise. I began analyzing  my childhood favorites and began to search for answers as to why I loved them so much. What I found was very interesting. The following is a list of some favorite characters that I have held most dear and/or found connection with over the course of my life:

• Luke Skywalker (If you don't know what movie he's in...just stop reading and go educate yourself)
• Obi-Wan Kenobi (Episode I version)
• Yoda (Duuuuhhhh)
• Gandalf (LoTR)
• Elrond (Also, LoTR)
• Eragon (Inheritance series)
• Raven (Teen Titans)
• Batman (but not Bruce Wayne...which I find interesting)
• William Herondale (The Infernal Devices series)
• Clary Fairchild (The Mortal Instruments series)
• Pretty much any of the main characters from Avatar: the Last Airbender (each one for a different reason)

Many of the characters I liked came from the desire to be wise and be a person others turn to for support and guidance (hence Yoda and Gandalf), while others seemed to embody the loneliness and the feeling of darkness within myself while desiring to be a person of light and good (Raven, Batman, William, etc.) and others still represented my desire to be someone that rose out of weakness and mediocrity to become a person of honor and a protector of life and justice (Clary, Luke, Eragon, etc). 

Additionally, I found that I have a high view of words and language...almost to the point of believing that my words actually hold supernatural power (a doctrine often found in charismatic churches that I found appealing). This admiration for language and power in words only reinforced my love for the characters Gandalf, Raven, Clary, William, and Eragon. 

If you don't know these characters that's ok. While it would be easier for you to grasp an understanding of me through the knowledge of these fictitious entities, they are not necessary. So what about you? What can you glean from exploring your own thoughts and emotions concerning books, movies, and the like? What can you achieve from taking the time to pick apart your favorite heroes and villains? Think of the cartoon characters you associated yourself with as a child; of the books you read and the stories you most loved and the ones you most hated. Why did you like them? Why did you hate them? You might find out something about yourself that you never knew. 

It could be something as broad as something that encompasses human nature as a whole, or something a precise as unique trait that makes up who you are as an individual.

Through the creations of artists, play-writers, and authors we can answer the questions of identify and become self-aware in ways that would otherwise be harder or even impossible. I believe we can look past the shallow feelings of "like" or "dislike" and catch a glimpse or ourselves through the mirrors that are stories and fairy tales, and even through historical events and people long deceased.

Peace be with you,

Stephen

"Shin'do Sin'dorei!"

I love World of Warcraft! Even though I haven't played in over a year, I still know a fair amount of the lore and can share far more details about the story than you (yes, you) would care to hear, thus the title in Thalasian (Blood Elf) stating "Glory to the Blood Bourne". I would be lying if I said that I wasn't proud of my level 85 Blood Elf Shadow Priest named Kohenshedon. Just saying...FOR THE HORDE!

While I loved WoW, I ceased playing for school. I'm cool like that. I didn't let the most popular MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game) control my life to the point that I couldn't live without it, nor did I let it affect the way I lived out in the real world...I already liked swords and pretending that I could throw fireballs from my hands before I even started playing. lol. My point is that I managed to enjoy a fictitious game of epic proportions without loosing my grip on reality, which is the the number one fear/ problem with playing such games. 

Role-Playing games have been often discouraged by the Protestant, American Church with accusations of being "witchcraft in disguise" or for causing people to be irresponsible or to escape reality. In some cases this is true. People have dove too far into the world that they were playing in and refused to come back or have attempted to make reality like the fantasy that they engage with.  MMO's are not the only activities, however, that people cling to in their desperate need to escape.

There are a lot of people out there who want to escape reality. Why? Life is harsh and American culture says it should be easy and dreamy. Postmodernism teaches us that truth is what we make it and reality can be what we want...it's all relevant. People lose themselves in pop culture, magazines, TV, movies, and so on. Some even use the Church as an escapism. 

We were created with imaginations and it's good that we use them to create and recreate. I think that movies, music, games, and the like show the ingenuity of humanity and display the divine gifts of the Image of God in us. Namely creativity and imagination. I believe that, even if the all the creators of these games and movies are atheists, they are are glorifying God by their action of creating and forming. Any negatives are a result of the sin nature found in ALL of humanity. Therefore, I support the creation and playing of games like WoW, but if one is unable to stay rooted in reality or begin to negate their responsibilities in the real world, then it is best that that person cease playing such games...or watching movie, whatever the activity in question is.

Love the life you have been given and accept this gift knowing that, unlike your game character, you will age and waste away as time passes and it can never be bought back. Don't waste the gift you are given. '

Peace be with you,

Stephen

If You're Going to Look, You Might as Well See

I once heard this quote by G.K. Chesterton that made me shout out "Yes yes yes!" The quote went like this, "The tourist sees what he came to see; the traveler sees all that there is to see." I want to be a traveler and not a tourist. I don't want to just see the fancy, beautiful attractions. I want to see everything! This was how I lived when I lived in the Jordan a couple summers back, and then in Italy the year before.

I wasn't in the Middle East to see the Jordan River or Petra. I was there to truly see; to be apart of the lives of a people group I didn't know and barely understood. When in Rome I was there to see the people, hear the subtle differences in accents from those in Venice
, the difference in clothing and food; I looked for the patterns in the stone road ways just as much as, if not more than, the architectural feat that is the Colosseum.

Upon my returning to the U.S. of blessed A. I found myself struggling to maintain the same mindset that I had in other countries. I was failing to see what I was looking at. People, culture, needs...life was happening right in front in front of me but I didn't "see" it.

This is how many people live their lives. Living as tourists to their lives, here to see what they came to see and not seeing what there is to see. As a result people die without truly being a part of the world around them and without experiencing the fullness of life. By "looking" but not "seeing" we do an injustice to God's creation and to the humanity that we are a part of. We do an disservice to our fellow believers, fellow humans, and even to ourselves.

What are you not seeing? What details are you brushing over? Do you see the painting and not notice the delicacy of each stroke of the brush or the mixture and manipulation of colors that were used to make said painting?

Don't just look....

See.


Peace be with you always,

Stephen.

"Who...are...you?"

If you have ever watched the movie Alice in Wonderland, then you know what I'm talking about when I saw "that is one creepy caterpillar!", but he asks a question of Alice that, I believe, is important for all of us to ask of ourselves. "Who are you?"

This is a question that we naturally begin to ask ourselves (though most in our subconscious) as we enter our teenage years. Lies and deceits imposed upon us by our peers, family, and even ourselves often keep us from discovering the answer to this question. If you live outside of Christ, then you will never be able to fully answer that question. In Christ is where the fullness of one's being lies.

When I was a sophomore in college, I had a shift in thought. I had often asked the question "why am I?' while I was in high school, but now I took this other question and I moved it from the subconscious to the conscious and began the journey to understanding myself. It's not as easy as one might think. Over the years I have managed to make some progress, but I was stunted by something. Something of vast importance.

I lacked the desire to be honest with myself. As much as I wanted to know myself, to do what I am good at, etc. I wanted even more to avoid the risk of pain and disappointment that I might experience upon finding that answer. I wanted all the good, but I was scared to hear the bad, and more often than not I began picturing myself as a hideous being that was void of strength and value. I distorted the good as I refused to hear the bad; letting my imagination and fears control me. This is an unhealthy and ubiblical style of living.

Knowledge is power, and it is important to have knowledge about yourself. There are a few significant facts we must accept as we seek to know and understand ourselves.

1. Outside of Christ we can't even come close to the truth of our being
2. Chances are that you will not have a complete understanding, but that should never keep you from trying
3. Honesty is vital, and you must take the bad along with the good. Otherwise you will be out of balance. To repair and strengthen the weakness requires honesty.
4. It isn't something done  alone. We need others to help point out what we cannot see or to correct our vision. We need community to help repair and improve.
5. It definitely won't happen over night. Anything worth doing is worth the time it takes to do it. Such a task will require much of your time for prayer, meditation, and critical thought and research. 

If you are seeking this understanding, I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to not give up when it gets hard. The challenge and difficulty will only serve to aid you and make it all the more worth it. If you have never moved from the subconscious to the conscious, then let me encourage you to do so. You will find your life improved from you questioning and seeking. 

Peace be with you,

Stephen

Freedom and Stability: Worship in a World of Chaos

The world is ever shifting and changing. Life proves to be consistently unstable and often unpredictable. Faith and worship are the anchors that hold us steady as the hurricanes rage against the battered ships of our souls. But just how stable are our anchors and supports? Can the pillars of our faith hold when our world starts to shake? Does our worship of God strengthen those pillars, or does it hollow the infrastructure?

I have been in search of the answer to this question over the course of the last couple years, and while I have not come to an ending conclusion, I do believe that I have made a great deal of discoveries over the past year and would like to share some of those thoughts here and now.

I grew up in the contemporary/Charismatic tradition. I am intimately familiar with "modern" worship services. In my home church, I found music pleasing to listen to, exciting, moving, and LOUD! I loved it all, and I loved how God worked in me through those experiences. I am highly sympathetic to those who choose to worship in these "concert-like" settings and to the styles thereof, but I think that there is an aspect of worship and the Christian life that one is robbed of when they only worships in this form. I am also, however, ashamed of the shallowness of much worship and overly emotional actions of many. Unfortunately, the foci of many within the worships services that I've attended all over the U.S. were erratic and often self-serving as people were more concerned with their "experiences" rather than about God and His truth. I am one of those many people who cared to much about experiencing something and about whether or not I ended up on my knees crying than about adoring God and speaking (or singing) words of truth, honor, and faith.

Again, I do not think charismatic worship is wrong, just incomplete. I was greatly shaped and challenged through charismatic worship as a teenager and I know that God used all of it to make me a better person and to pull me closer to Him. Yet, there was something missing in the midst of it all; I would not grow in Christ as much as I am able to if God had left me there and not begun working on my heart this area of my faith. I believe that worship is less shaped by who we are, and rather that it shapes us. There are those two-faced people who live completely different outside of Church than they would act within, and it is sad that people can live out their lives with a disassociated faith, but I would venture to say that they are still affected by their form of worship.

First, what is worship? thefreedictionary.com gave the following definitions:


wor·ship n.
1.
     a. The reverent love and devotion accorded a deity, an idol, or a sacred object.
     b. The ceremonies, prayers, or other religious forms by which this love is expressed.
2. Ardent devotion; adoration.
3. often Worship Chiefly British Used as a form of address for magistrates, mayors, and certain other dignitaries:
v. wor·shiped or wor·shipped, wor·ship·ing or wor·ship·ping, wor·ships
v.tr.
1. To honor and love as a deity.
2. To regard with ardent or adoring esteem or devotion. See Synonyms at revere1.
v.intr.
1. To participate in religious rites of worship.
2. To perform an act of worship.

Humans have questioned worship and what is the most "true" form of worship. I once was one of those who argued that true worship involved lots of passion and "freedom" to do what you wanted; that loud, emotional services were what God was most please by. I condemned liturgical worship for being "dry, artificial, and unpleasing to God." I was among those who thought of non-Charismatic worshipers as prideful, starchy Christians who were too arrogant for their own good. I mean how dare they tell us that our form of worship is wrong when it is so obvious that is the ONLY right way to worship! Besides, all those ritualistic words and phrases make "them Catholics" no better than pagans and witches right?!

Wrong.

Liturgical worship is authentic, God-pleasing, beautiful, and freeing. I have heard many critique liturgy and say "I couldn't go to that kind of church cause I have to have my freedom to worship God" without even having the understanding of the depths of worshiping liturgically. There is freedom and life in structured worship that can't be found in some of the more "low-church" settings! Liturgical worship disciples and teaches the doctrines of the church with greater depth and complexity than most of the non-liturgical worship we see throughout the Church today (most of which is actually quite shallow). I have felt the presence of God during a Latin mass just as much as I have in buck-wild Pentecostal Church.

I recently was reading a book in which one of the main characters was being tortured by an evil king who had her beaten with iron rod that had been heated within a furnace. In the book she faces all sort of torments and mental stress, but through the whole thing she focused on rites and rituals. The rituals allowed her to maintain her sanity and to keep from letting her willpower fail. The stability and consistency of liturgical/ritualistic worship helps bring stability to the unstable world we live in. It is an anchor to reality. It is also the way the early church worshiped! As well as the Israelites of the old testament. The book of Psalms contains this form or worship as well.

Both liturgical and non-liturgical worship have important elements to them that benefit the life of the believer. While it isn't about us, I believe God designed that worship be beneficial to the worshiper. There are times where we should worship with all our emotions and lay on our faces with tears pouring from our eyes and loose our grip on our self control so as to, in a way, expose ourselves before God and make ourselves emotionally vulnerable to Him. We should also, however, worship in rich, symbolic rituals of the ancient faith for is strengthens us and disciples us. Worship with  your intellect. Worship in unity with the Church all over the world. Worship in "spirit and in truth". I personally practice both forms continuously throughout the week.

Lastly, stop making it about you! Worship is about God and not about you. It's not about what you want or how you want to worship. Be grateful that you have liberty and that God is not overly strict on the way the Church is to worship, but do not think that it is your right to worship as you deem most right. It is your privilege. Whether you ever cried or not, whether you ever were made aware of the presence of the Holy One or not, you are to worship. Don't condemn others for worshiping in a way that is different than yours and think it as being less pleasing than yours. The fact of the matter is, they very well maybe worshiping far more authentically and God-pleasing than you are.