Wrestling With Identity

The other day I was sitting in Starbucks trying to relax from a long week and browsing the internet when I got a strange, sudden urge to look something up. I had heard a hundred times that there are scholarships out there for simply being a redhead! Well, in light of my contemplating a return to school to pursue a Master's I decided to go ahead and look it up. That's when I found Redheads Anonymous.

I got a good laugh out of the site, but as I was there I noticed a link to a survey where one could answer questions about being a ginger. Naturally I clicked the link to see what kind of questions I was going to be asked, and I found myself surprised by the questions.

The questions asked about bullying, my feelings towards being redhead, my "relationship" with my hair, etc. They asked about my identity and how being a redhead affected my identity.

Anyone who knew me as a teen knows that I have long wrestled with questions of identity, but rarely gotten anywhere with my questioning. I often found myself going round in circles, bound by the strongholds (see future blog post!) that held me down and kept me enslaved.

My teens that I work with struggle with this as well.

They say teens are supposed to wrestle with identity and start asking those questions as they begin to think more abstractly, but none of my psych books suggest an end date. Worse yet, they offer very little advice in helping to foster these questions other than "encouraging" them to happen.

Here are a few of the identity markers that I've come to realize are important in teens (and adults).

• Race-in a world infected with racism, I often want to avoid this one. The truth is, however, that one's identity is affected by the origins and skin color. We identify with those that are similar to us and build our relationships and culture that way. There is revolution to fight against this because of the racism that often grows out that, but the fact is that it is there. 
• Race 2.0-for me, race affects me differently. Being a ginger I am a subcategory of the White people and, in many cases, the "reject" of the white race or the "special" of the Whites...kinda depends on who you're talking to haha! My identity has genuinely affected by my hair color, but more so as a child than as an adult, but the affects it had in my early years grew into adulthood. 
• Age/youthfulness-we find a lot of our identity in our age and, by default, our peers of the same age. 
• Citizenship/Country of Birth- you are fooling yourself if you think that your country of birth doesn't have an affect on you. the culture you were raised in has the first and foremost affect, but I don't know a single person who hasn't thought upon the country of their birth found a measure of their identity in that. I know several teens that have been adopted from another country, and even though they grew up here in the states, they have made a connection back to their roots in Haiti, Jamaica, etc. 
• Religion-your faith is a huge identity shaper! Unlike race, it is not a physical issue, but a metaphysical issue. It is not something treated the same way and more wholly affects your lifestyle and choices than that of the skin and facial feature. It is the greatest identity changer of them all!

These are all things that I've had to face a teen and as a young adult. As a teen, however, I was not able to bridge the gap from questioning to answering. Even in college I struggled to come to real, solid conclusions about who I was as a person. I had to do a lot of growing, developing, and healing before I was able to accomplish this. 

Now I sit here, an adult, asking new questions of identity. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What is my "thing"? What do I have to offer my community? What are my priorities in life? 

Here is a glimpse of me:

I, Stephen Dewane Green II, am a single redheaded Christian from Tennessee with a B.A. in Christian Ministry and I currently work as a Direct Care Staff at Shelterwood Academy. I am in Christ. I am human. I am healing. I am searching. I am loved. I like art. I love people. I am someone's middle child and someone else's oldest child. I am angry. I am hurt. I am forgiving. I am sensitive. I am compassionate. I am giving. I am thoughtful. I am a hard worker. I am undisciplined. I am trying my best to not compare myself to others. I am going to change the world. 

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

What's in a Name?

I have been working at Dillard's Inc. for nearly 6 months now, and about two months ago I received my name tag! (No, you're right, I was supposed to receive it sooner than that). After receiving the the name tag, I noticed very little change. People still asked if I worked there, but people ask me that even when I'm dressed way down and off the clock...and even when I'm in Krogger's! This past weekend, however, I have noticed a bizarre change in my customers. They have nearly all begun to thank me by name!

This might not seem significant in passing thought, but I noticed a change in my reception of the typical "thanks" given as I wish the customers farewell. There is something that hits me when I hear my name spoken. Why? The brain is a marvelous device of processing and thought, and perhaps it is my brain picking up on the unusual stating of my name and the attempt to process this is what stirs that feeling in my stomach.

Let's take that a step further. Not only is it unusual for me to hear customers state my name, but in doing so that have exerted additional effort to make their thanks more personal. They took the time to search for my name and then state it, knowing good and well that in doing so that were making a relational, personal move in their expressing gratitude. That means something. What caught me even more off guard was when customers came back and called my name from afar, thereby showing more effort to remember my name rather than simply state it in one brief moment.

A name is personal, meaningful, and identifying. It separates one from another, is used to make social ques or state relationship. For example, one who has deeper relationship with another might take the extra time to say their first name, while another with a more shallow relationship (perhaps one strictly based around sports) will use the last name. Nicknames also serve this function of bearing identity, or of hiding identity.

I have often thought about changing my name, and the only reason I did not was to avoid offending my parents. I did not want my parents to take my name change as a slap in the face, and being a 2nd makes that even more prominent. What I have noticed through this weekend's experience is that I cherish my name. I hold it dear to me because I am recognized by it. When my friends us it they are honoring me and saying "I recognize you as an individual. You are you and I am I; I realize your separateness and value it."

What do you think of your name or nickname? Do you wish you could change your name? If so, why? How do names affect your world and what would life be like without them?

Peace be with you,

Stephen

"Who...are...you?"

If you have ever watched the movie Alice in Wonderland, then you know what I'm talking about when I saw "that is one creepy caterpillar!", but he asks a question of Alice that, I believe, is important for all of us to ask of ourselves. "Who are you?"

This is a question that we naturally begin to ask ourselves (though most in our subconscious) as we enter our teenage years. Lies and deceits imposed upon us by our peers, family, and even ourselves often keep us from discovering the answer to this question. If you live outside of Christ, then you will never be able to fully answer that question. In Christ is where the fullness of one's being lies.

When I was a sophomore in college, I had a shift in thought. I had often asked the question "why am I?' while I was in high school, but now I took this other question and I moved it from the subconscious to the conscious and began the journey to understanding myself. It's not as easy as one might think. Over the years I have managed to make some progress, but I was stunted by something. Something of vast importance.

I lacked the desire to be honest with myself. As much as I wanted to know myself, to do what I am good at, etc. I wanted even more to avoid the risk of pain and disappointment that I might experience upon finding that answer. I wanted all the good, but I was scared to hear the bad, and more often than not I began picturing myself as a hideous being that was void of strength and value. I distorted the good as I refused to hear the bad; letting my imagination and fears control me. This is an unhealthy and ubiblical style of living.

Knowledge is power, and it is important to have knowledge about yourself. There are a few significant facts we must accept as we seek to know and understand ourselves.

1. Outside of Christ we can't even come close to the truth of our being
2. Chances are that you will not have a complete understanding, but that should never keep you from trying
3. Honesty is vital, and you must take the bad along with the good. Otherwise you will be out of balance. To repair and strengthen the weakness requires honesty.
4. It isn't something done  alone. We need others to help point out what we cannot see or to correct our vision. We need community to help repair and improve.
5. It definitely won't happen over night. Anything worth doing is worth the time it takes to do it. Such a task will require much of your time for prayer, meditation, and critical thought and research. 

If you are seeking this understanding, I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to not give up when it gets hard. The challenge and difficulty will only serve to aid you and make it all the more worth it. If you have never moved from the subconscious to the conscious, then let me encourage you to do so. You will find your life improved from you questioning and seeking. 

Peace be with you,

Stephen