My Own Worst Enemy

Sometimes the hardest thing for me to do is see the good of the "now." Being the kind of perfectionist that I am, I grow restless when things are not as I believe they should be. Additionally, I am extremely hard on myself when I am not doing as much, or as well, as I believe I should be. Instead of looking at myself and saying "this is where I lack, and this is where I can improve" I magnify my lack to the point of not even allowing myself to recognize my good.

This is not a healthy way of living. I should live in the balance of recognizing both "good" and "bad" (for lack of better words). I guess the point is that in my lack of willingness to accept my non-perfection and in turn refuse to see any good at all. Why do I do this? Why this reaction to my disapproval than another? I'm not sure. I'll leave the Nature vs Nurture debate to the experts on this one. Ultimately, it is my fault either way. Regardless of it being genetics or as a product of my environment, I have the ability to make choices. Even if it is a genetic issues, I can override this through practice, prayer, and support from community.

One thing that I am beginning to accept is that I cannot do this on my own. It is my tendency to think it weakness to need help, but we all need help. We were designed to need community and to function within community. It is not a shameful thing to need others, and if those that you are closest to are not willing to help you or bear your burdens, then perhaps it is time to find another community to be apart of.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

TedTalk Tuesday: How to Ask

Hey y'all! It's that time of the week for TedTalk Tuesday! This is the day I choose a Ted Talk that really stood out to me or enhanced in my life. This weeks choice is the tale of an musical artist and her journey to learning about connecting, learning, and asking. Her story is an absolute inspiration and I believe she has some pretty amazing insights to share from her encounters.

I hope you enjoy it! Have a great Tuesday y'all!

Peace be upon you,

Stephen

Drama, Drama, Drama...

It seems like the majority of television these days if filled with shows that are just flooded with drama. Between shows like "Secret Life of the American Teenager" and "Degrassi", how are people expected to have healthy and stable emotions? Apart from that it appears that drama levels are on the rise in the lives of every day Americans and have been steadily doing so for decades.


When I say "drama", I am not talking about plays or suspense..I'm talking about situations blowing up over nothing. Things like someone crying because their "boo" got the wrong colored flowers (which is and OBVIOUS sign that they don't care), a word misread in a text message and someone immediately ending a relationship without talking it out, or a sibling being deleted off of Facebook because he/she invited him/her to take a parent to diner without actually being involved in the planning process (totally know someone who had this happen to them). No, i'm talking about the DRAMA that we used to see just in high schools and in middle schools, but now infiltrates as early as preschool to as late as eternity.


My own life is not void of this terrible disease. In fact I have a couple members of my extended family that grow the stuff, smoke it in a pipe, and then blow it in your face. If you just understood my metaphor, then you know how "suffocating" it can be to be around people who breed drama. My purpose in saying all this is not to complain, but to ask a question?


Why all the drama?! 
Why the emotional and relational instability?
How should we be dealing with it?


Lets start with the first question.


"Why all the drama?" When I think about all the situations that I have endured that have yielded high concentrations of drama or when I think about those people that I know to be drama-breeders, there are a certain list of characteristics that come to mind. The list is as follows:

• Pride
• Shame
• Insecurity
• Immaturity
• Self-centered 

These are the things I see most, and logically I have to come to the conclusion that there is some sort of relationship between these characteristics and the production of drama just by the sheer reality that both coincide together. Can these characteristic be present without the production of drama? Sure. Can drama be produced without these characteristics? Mmmm...maybe, but not according to my experiences nor by any extent of my ability to reason. To answer my first question, I believe that the root of "drama" is SIN. 

"NOW HOLD UP!" Now for those of you reading this who might jump on the fact that I listed "shame" and would like to point out that it is not sin...I would have to say that you are right. Shame is not a sin per say. It is, however, a distortion of our mental and emotional health that was not meant to be a part of our lives and is often rooted in pride. So no, it is not a sin listed in the Bible, but it not to be something that is intimately a part of our lives. We will experience shame, but it is arguably "sinful" to live in it. 

"Why the emotional and relational instability?" Given the various causes for drama, is it any wonder why it is so burdensome? These particular sins, mixed with the emotions that come with them and with drama, are very hard on a relationship, and often lead to the termination of friendship. In some cases even families are torn apart. As a former youth ministry intern, I found that most of the kids who were drama-filled, experienced a lot of drama in their homes. Teens expressed the great heartache and difficulty when facing family drama. When we live like the world owes us or based around ourselves, then we live outside of the "original design" and we suffer from our sin and form the consequences of sin. When relationships struggle, emotions spike, minds race, and we get caught in a vicious cycle of destruction. 

"How should we be dealing with it?" I have a dear friend who deals with a lot of drama in her world and it becomes a significant stress producer in her life. What baffles me is that she will sit and watch these TV shows that are nothing but drama! I asked her about this once out of concern; certain that in watching these shows that it must only be adding to her plight. Why would someone who experiences so much drama in there own life want to see it lived out by others in mass overdose? Her response was, "It helps me to get my mind of of my own drama for a while." This statement struck me...I had never considered that it might be helping her deal with her own drama. The question remains...does it help?


Bottling up emotions or ignoring ones emotions are very destructive for one's emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health (a statement derived from both common knowledge and personal experience). But pouring it all out on someone continuously isn't good either. First and foremost we have to realize our strength comes from God, and if we are truly to overcome we need to have the wisdom and strength of His Spirit. While I think that it's ok to pull away from drama from time to time to rest and refocus, it is also important that we learn to process our emotions and to communication open. 


START with yourself. Pray and ask yourself if you are somebody that produces drama. If so, why? Whats the root? Once you identify it, take it to God and seek Him. When you take things to God in humility and with a willingness to work, He will help make your faith complete by strengthening you and helping you with your problems. 


OTHERS might be the source of drama in your life. If they are family, well you pretty much have to live with it, but you have to learn to continue showing Christian character through love and patience (yes yes I know...easier said than done), and be sure to try to keep communicating. Express your feelings and confront family when they are going over board, just do it in love. If it is just someone you know, then you need to decide if your willing to put up with that before you let your friendship get to far. If you are willing to have a friend that produces drama...then God be with you, but don't you dare go into the relationship expecting them to change...it won't be healthy for wither of you. If you are already in too deep, be loving, patient, and try talking it out with your friend (say it with me) WITH LOVE. 


This was a long reflection, but I had a lot of thoughts on it that have been building up over the last few days. 


Peace be with you :]

"I'm Ashamed"

Today I listened to an audio file for one of my classes at school. the topic of the lecture was "shame." I took some time to think about this topic...and I have discovered that I deal with an underlying sense of shame in my life. Unlike guilt, shame is not directly linked to morality, but it does come from a sense of having fallen short. So whats my issue with this? In this day and age, people have made for themselves constructs of what it means to be a hero or to be sufficient...and then their minds wander and they build an unrealistic standard of value for humanity, but specifically for themselves. So what I've deduced is that I have set myself a standard by which NO man can reach, and I'm left with a buzzing sense of shame.

With a little more analyzing, I can point out various ways that I have projected my shame of myself onto others, making it as though they feel the same way about me as I do. This could easily be labeled as self-deceit, and it is, of course, unfair to my friends and family since this in turn affects how I treat them. Even better is that there is nothing I can do about this. I can treat the "symptoms" and "side-effects" by having myself do mindset exercises...but lets be honest, that isn't really going to solve anything.

So now I am left in a place of honesty, admitting that I cannot overcome this by anything that I have or can do...I truly am left to trust in God concerning this matter and I have no other option...no plan B. Either God delivers me from my "shame" or I will be left to deal with it until my death and all my being is sanctified. Being left facing these two realities...I say that I will trust God to be faithful and to be loving to one of His own, believing that He will not turn His face from me forever and He will deliver me from my plight long before the grave rises to take my flesh.