Most of us grow up in environments that come with a set of expectations. Some are healthy and some not so healthy. More often than not, these expectations are unwritten and, nearly as often, unrecognized for what they truly are. I experienced many of these said expectations in my own life, and I have watched many others either bow to or rebel against the ones set for them.
“Love makes the world go round, but money greases the wheel.” These are the words that I hear every time I have a conversation with my grandfather. He set high expectations for my brother and I to study hard, do well in school, and get degrees that led to jobs that [aid well and allowed us to live comfortably. There is nothing wrong with him desiring his grandchildren to live well, but the problem lies in not being willing to accept that we might desire to pursue careers and callings that lack significant income.
The expectation that I will work hard and work to take care of my future family is more than reasonable, and definitely biblical, but as a single man I have less responsibilities to uphold and can live with less income. Not work less hard, but definitely not worry as much about having the means to live “comfortably.” In fact, I do not find in necessary for me to gain more income just for the sake of having my heat turned on for the winter. I can survive just fine without it, as have hundreds upon hundreds of my ancestors. No, not needed. I do, however, have the responsibility of paying off medical debts and student loans and therefore income is essential for accomplishing this, and for getting sufficient food to be healthy enough to work. (Which...yea failing on that one...)
At the same time, while there are those that bear the weight of high-success expectations, many more bear the weight of low-success expectations. Those who are told their entire lives by friends and family that they will never amount to anything, that they will end up broke and pregnant, that they will their lives on the streets as a beggar. There are those that have no hope for fulfilling their dreams or living an average life because of a community that chains them down by broken expectations, and others still are unmotivated for having not been given expectations to begin with.
The worst is probably the expectations we place upon ourselves. If we really thought about it, there are no expectations outside of the ones we place upon ourselves. How do other peoples’ expectations enslave us? We adopt them in our lives and nail ourselves to them. We rate our success and failures according to what has been presented to us. We are at fault. I...am at fault. So how do we remedy this?
Recognizing the issue is a great first step! Acceptance of the truth is almost always a needed ingredient to true change! Once we see what is happening we can begin acting on it.
Now, here is the hard part. I can tell you from personal experience that knowing a truth does not make acting on it easy to do. In fact you might have to go back to step one a few times. The next step is a matter will power and discipline. Willpower to push oneself to do and to NOT do; to resist the pushing and twisting of other people intrusions and forced philosophies.
Don't get me wrong, we need other people to push us and to raise our expectations to a healthy level that will make us better people, but without breaking us. We need to understand that living our dreams and also living in the realm of responsible, well-balanced life requires that we engage in community and seek counseling form older and wiser people. To make sure that we don't pursue "dreams" that are completely foolish (think of some American Idol contestants).
Sometimes our dreams and desires need to be reformed. These change as we begin to understand ourselves, our talents, and our abilities. I will never be an Olympian. I would be a fool to chase after that, but I can be a much more fit man and I can pursue that. I will never get a hit record, but I can sing and I can practice that and use that in significant ways. I have a talent for teaching and I can pursue that route (though I definitely won't be "greasing the wheel" with that job).
Lastly, pray. Seek God and ask Him to guide you and help you to see His truth. The truth of who God made you to be and what He wants you to do. God's expectations not without struggle and are not accomplished without the exertion of energy, but they are easy and light. When we pursue the expectation of Christ, we honor Him and He helps us where we lack strength. We dwell in a healthy and freeing set of standards.
“Love makes the world go round, but money greases the wheel.” These are the words that I hear every time I have a conversation with my grandfather. He set high expectations for my brother and I to study hard, do well in school, and get degrees that led to jobs that [aid well and allowed us to live comfortably. There is nothing wrong with him desiring his grandchildren to live well, but the problem lies in not being willing to accept that we might desire to pursue careers and callings that lack significant income.
The expectation that I will work hard and work to take care of my future family is more than reasonable, and definitely biblical, but as a single man I have less responsibilities to uphold and can live with less income. Not work less hard, but definitely not worry as much about having the means to live “comfortably.” In fact, I do not find in necessary for me to gain more income just for the sake of having my heat turned on for the winter. I can survive just fine without it, as have hundreds upon hundreds of my ancestors. No, not needed. I do, however, have the responsibility of paying off medical debts and student loans and therefore income is essential for accomplishing this, and for getting sufficient food to be healthy enough to work. (Which...yea failing on that one...)
At the same time, while there are those that bear the weight of high-success expectations, many more bear the weight of low-success expectations. Those who are told their entire lives by friends and family that they will never amount to anything, that they will end up broke and pregnant, that they will their lives on the streets as a beggar. There are those that have no hope for fulfilling their dreams or living an average life because of a community that chains them down by broken expectations, and others still are unmotivated for having not been given expectations to begin with.
The worst is probably the expectations we place upon ourselves. If we really thought about it, there are no expectations outside of the ones we place upon ourselves. How do other peoples’ expectations enslave us? We adopt them in our lives and nail ourselves to them. We rate our success and failures according to what has been presented to us. We are at fault. I...am at fault. So how do we remedy this?
Recognizing the issue is a great first step! Acceptance of the truth is almost always a needed ingredient to true change! Once we see what is happening we can begin acting on it.Now, here is the hard part. I can tell you from personal experience that knowing a truth does not make acting on it easy to do. In fact you might have to go back to step one a few times. The next step is a matter will power and discipline. Willpower to push oneself to do and to NOT do; to resist the pushing and twisting of other people intrusions and forced philosophies.
Don't get me wrong, we need other people to push us and to raise our expectations to a healthy level that will make us better people, but without breaking us. We need to understand that living our dreams and also living in the realm of responsible, well-balanced life requires that we engage in community and seek counseling form older and wiser people. To make sure that we don't pursue "dreams" that are completely foolish (think of some American Idol contestants).
Sometimes our dreams and desires need to be reformed. These change as we begin to understand ourselves, our talents, and our abilities. I will never be an Olympian. I would be a fool to chase after that, but I can be a much more fit man and I can pursue that. I will never get a hit record, but I can sing and I can practice that and use that in significant ways. I have a talent for teaching and I can pursue that route (though I definitely won't be "greasing the wheel" with that job).
Lastly, pray. Seek God and ask Him to guide you and help you to see His truth. The truth of who God made you to be and what He wants you to do. God's expectations not without struggle and are not accomplished without the exertion of energy, but they are easy and light. When we pursue the expectation of Christ, we honor Him and He helps us where we lack strength. We dwell in a healthy and freeing set of standards.
You might just suddenly find everything flipped on ya.
Grace and peace,
Stephen
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