Compelling Words From a French Priest

This past month, a group of men and I read through a book called "The Sacrament of the Present Moment" by Jean-Pierre De Caussade. Jean-Pierre was a priest in France during the 1700's. During this time he wrote a series of letters to a group of nuns which was later published under the name "Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence." 

The book was the perfect read for me in this time in my life! I have entered into a significant time of transition and have been, as I have stated in a recent post, trying to live more in present and engage the people around me. This book spoke to my heart concerning this very issue that I have been wrestling with over the last several weeks! 

Jean-Pierre wove together a beautiful picture of surrender as he spoke of the Christian life and our need to be aware of the Spirit's work in this very moment in our lives. He spoke often of suffering and of darkness as being a part of the will of God. One of the statements that most stood out to me was his writing about those who struggle to reach spiritual greatness and instead experience affliction and struggle. He says:

"Perfection come to them, not through reason, enlightenment of reflection, but through every affliction sent by God, through their duty to the present moment and through impulses with nothing good about them, though not actually sinful."

He goes on to talk about the afflicted person being filled with despair and shame as he sees the weighty standards of "saintliness" that he sees others appearing to fulfill. He, in fact, finds himself "condemned: by the lives of the saints! He goes on to say that, "It is in these afflictions, which succeed one another each moment, that God, veiled and obscured, reveals Himself, mysteriously bestowing his grace in a manner quite unrecognized by souls who feel only weakness in bearing their cross, distaste for performing their duty, and capable of only mediocre spiritual practices."

This is something that resonates with me deeply! I have found that it has been in the turmoil, struggle, disappointments, and strife that God has done the most to change my heart and make me into a better person. This goes back to the topic of "purging" that I wrote about several weeks back.

We have a duty to the present. The past is gone and, though it affects us still, we are no longer living in it. We are here in the "now" and so is the will of God. His Spirit beckons us to be apart of the world that we are presently in and not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will come in it's time. We have a duty to those we engage with and to our jobs and our communities; with the understanding that God is with us and is active in this moment to bring us closer to perfection and to purer intimacy with Him.

Be here; be present.

Grace and Peace

Stephen

Moving On

Upon my graduation just a little over a year and a half ago, I found myself facing some difficult truths about myself. I was prideful, naive, self-centered, insecure, etc. I was constantly bumping heads with my family and my friends. I was angry all the time and I felt the weight of my past and my present crushing me and it fogged up my head; leading me to say and do things that have forever changed my life. After several months of getting no where I moved to Knoxville to take a job that...well, it didn't work out (collections sucks y'all), and for the past year I have worked part time in a retail department store and wrestling with the state of my heart and who I am as a man and a Christian.

I have had a lot of good days and a lot of bad. Moving away from home was one of the best things I could have done for myself, and I have had some pretty amazing friends to help me along the way. Facing one's own depravity and past is not an easy task, and thankfully I haven't had to do it on my own.

I have been reflecting on, and wrestling with, the various aspects of my life and experiences I accumulated over the last 23 years, including my teenage life and the theology that I heard (and believed) as I grew up. I have dealt with a lot of frustration, sadness, joy, and many more emotions as a result and have had a great number of revelations about myself. I have experienced significant growth and have had to accept a lot of hard truths.

I have been doing this for quite a long time and now I believe it is time to look past my...well, past haha. In the midst of my reflection I have not been fully engaged with the world around me. I retreated away for a time of healing, but now it's time for me to reengage the world. I am not saying that I am forgetting my past altogether or ignoring it's effect on my life, but I am saying that I am reprioritizing my life and putting my osat on the back burner. The past is important but not at the expense of the present and the future, which is what I have been doing up until this point.

With that said...HERE WE GO!

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Entertaining Unaware

This past week I found myself sitting in a McDonald's with three friends just chatting about a thousand random things. We discussed everything from giant bears to preferred form of death to bible to psychology to Lord knows what! We jumped to whatever topic was on our minds and we're having a blast discussing it all.

As we were talking about what it would be like to be killed by attacks from wild beasts (yea...I know), we were suddenly interrupted by a man in his late 40's who had been sitting not far from our booth. He expressed great joy in having been able to sit by and having overheard our conversation! We learned that the man was a pastor from the area and we had the opportunity to hear about some missions trips he was working on and we were able to pray for him before he left. While his initial interaction with us was slightly awkward, it was a rewarding and enriching addition to our night.

First and foremost, we were made aware of our having blessed someone else through our, well, living! We were ourselves and were able to bring the man joy! He stated that listening to us reminded him of his need to sit back and enjoy life; slow down and enjoy the simple things including conversations with friends about nothing in particular. This is a good things for all of us to remember!

Second, I was reminded that what we do doesn't always go unseen, or unheard! We influence and shape the world around us in small ways every day. This is why walking in love and displaying Christ everywhere we go is so important! People see it! You might be entertaining angels without knowing it right?

I was glad that he had taken the time and had the courage to approach us and tell us of how we had affected him. It makes me wonder how many people have overheard me talking with others and have been moved by what we said or if someone's day had been brightened. Also, how many chances am I missing out on in public places to hear and listen to the world around me just because I don't take the time to notice. While I wouldn't intentionally ease drop on a conversation, I can see and hear a great deal going on around me just by taking my headphones off and being more present in the local coffee shop I'm sitting in or the mall that I work at or whatever!

I want, and need, to be more present in my environment and not retreat from my surroundings so often. I miss prime opportunities for learning and for teaching by closing myself up in the prison of my Pandora station, but if I would just take the head phones off and let myself exist in fullness within the habitat that I have occupied...my life might change a thousand times more.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Speed Limits

One of the things that my friends get on to me the most is my religious devotion to obeying speed limits! They are always telling me to pick up the pace. Sometimes I think they are right. I drive to slow. But this isn't the case with the rest of my life. In fact, I think I am going so fast that life is passing me by and I'm not noticing all the beauty that surrounds me. At the same time I fear I may in some ways be going so slow that I'm not getting anyway. Since I am not a car, it is possible for me to go both too fast and too slow at the same time. 

Once again I am faced with the need (and desire) for change. Change has been a major theme in my life over the last 5 years, and it seems that it will be for a good deal longer. This change has to do with what I was referring to in the paragraph above. Observation of the life that speeding past me and the people that I am encountering on a daily basis is one of the things that I am working on. This is going back all the way to my very first post about "Being Present". Being a part of the world around us and our community is a significant part of being human. 

Second, I am not getting far in life as of right now. Personal study and discipline in the areas of life that I'd like improve in are significantly lacking. The study of foreign language, theology, culture, art, etc are all areas that I want to research and dive into, but have yet to truly devote time and effort into accomplishing. The time has come to change this. Waiting to start will only result in me waiting so long that death will come knocking before I accomplish what I want in life. This means breaking free of some of the limits that I've imposed upon my self...and many that have been imposed on me by others and I have foolishly followed. 

It's time to be me as I am and not me as others want me to be. I am a Christian, not because my parents want me to be, but because I have found Christian doctrine true and the purest way to live life. I am conservative in my lifestyle because of what I believe and not what others believe. It's time to break a few speed limits and write a few new ones. It is a matter of great discipline and it will be most difficult, but I have found this to be of the utmost importance. I think it's about time that I truly took the controls and began driving my own life.