The Suffereing That Changes

Is it New Years yet? Why? Because I have been doing a lot of reflecting over this year occurrences, as well as have been examining myself and analyzing  the changes that I have undertaken. God has brought me through some really crazy stuff this past year and allowed me to suffer in His presence and to endure by His unfelt love and His unfelt provision. Suffering is often associated with the works of Satan, but often is sent by God for the purpose of purging us of our uncleanness and false thinking or false actions. False being defined, not as unreal, but as ungodly or misguided.

I've nearly made it a year without A/C and heat, I've made it 6 months without home internet, and I've endured suffering in relationships, spiritual matters, and financial stability. I say these things, not to gain pity or get a pat on the back, but simply to say that I have endured things that I can clearly see God using to change me from the inside out. He is ringing about a heart change through life change and even though at the end of the month I left with spare "change"  I am grateful for it all.

Some of the ways that God has used suffering are the building of endurence, the building of appreciation for what is (and for what is not) and compassion for others who suffer or lack. My focus and drive have been redirected, my doubts have been challenged, my fears have been confronted, and my thinking has undergone severe correcting. This is the glorious truth of our God. He does yield to our every whim, but desires to give us good things and to give us good things He often uses the bad things in us and the darkness of the world to make His Light shine all the brighter. Glory be to God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit whose power does greater things in us than we can ever pray for or even imagine! For He does not allow us to suffer forever, and He will not turn is face from us too long; He will not leave nor forsake, but instead He will bend down pick us up from our filth, clean us, and bring us into His house to dwell in goodness and Light.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Ridin' Solo

It is no secret to those who know me that at this time in my life I am making little to no effort to enter into a "serious relationship". This is due to my current financial, spiritual, and all around life status. What most people don't know is that I have been prayerfully considering taking vows of eternal singleness. This is not something that I take lightly or would advise people doing on a whim. to take such a vow must be done with
the realization that breaking it would be detrimental to one's health (and soul) but also is an incredibly

honorable sacrifice to God. One must know their reasons for doing so and be certain that God has not called them to life of marriage. It is a decision that must be made in community and with mentor ship and patience.

That said, I have found that through discussions and seeking advice from friends and mentors, that I do not believe that I am called to singleness. In the very least I will not be taking my vows and I will be keeping an eye open for possibilities. Given that so few people in my life knew that I was considering this, I have found it interesting how several people have come to me to talk about their wrestling with the subject themselves; expressing their contemplation of permanent celibacy.

What exactly does it look like to be a celibate? Let's break this down a little bit. First and foremost, I would advise asking a monk or nun to share their experience in the matter. After all, they most likely are able to describe that life style more than most.

To give up sex is to give up marriage and (this will surprise some people) to give up marriage is to give up sex. Biblically the two coincide. You aren't supposed to have one without the other.

Giving these up means...well, no children. There is an exception to this. There is a young woman in Africa by the name of Katie who has adopted over a dozen children and single handedly is raising those kids. However, you can say goodbye to blood-related children or continuing you're bloodline (which isn't as biog a deal within the context of Christianity).

Altered social life. No double dates. No dates. Life priorities and focus change. Less responsibilities to handle at home, and freedom to go and do stuff at the drop of the hat. Greater risks can be taken, and as a result I would argue that with the loss of home-responsibilities, their is an increase of responsibility outside of one's home and to the church. Having more free time and less priorities doesn't mean you can waste time and resources, it simply means you re direct that time and resources to other areas. This is an area that I am currently not doing well. I am single and I have plenty of free time due to only having a part-time job, and yet I waste so much time and accomplish little more than I would if I had a full-time job.

It is difficult and yet honorable to make such a decision. It is a great testament to people, an inspiration to other believers, and a challenging sacrifice for the self that, I believe, God sees and rewards. However, God also loves marriage. After all, He is the one who established marriage and created the concept of sex and family. To be married is to demonstrate the beautiful union of Christ and Church, as well as greater display the Image of God in us.

I'm going to rabbit trail for a moment. God designed us for intimacy, marriage, parenthood, and sexual union with opposite genders. It is deeply apart of who we are, and is it any wonder why this area of our lives has been so greatly distorted by sin and by the Church? Sexuality is an aspect of humanity that is so greatly misunderstood and misused worldwide and faith-wide. In the Church's desire to bring humanity back into right living and to try and correct the false use of sex, She has often gone to extremes. She either has either made the topic taboo and uneasy to talk about or taught about it with such negativity that people walk away believing that even sex INSIDE of marriage is sinful and disgraceful.

Sadly, much of the Church of late has swung the opposite direction in Her desire to please people and get people in the doors, but this is an affront to the gospel and is false doctrine.

Back to the topic at hand.Too many people are making this decision based off of fear. Fear of commitment and being in a relationship. Fear of being hurt (again) by someone and as a result they throw away all hope of being in a relationship. They fear their abilities to be good parents, or to be a good spouse. These are not good reasons. Instead of shrinking away, use those fears to drive you to be a better person.

Some don't want the responsibility of being a parent or spouse, to which I say you don't deserve marriage and even more importantly, you don't deserve to have sex. Sex is not to be done in such complete selfishness. Sex is for holding marriages together and starting families, not solely for one's self pleasure and entertainment.  If you don't want to bear the responsibility of raising children, don't have sex. If you don't want to care for another person or think of someone other than yourself...then you should consider taking those vows.

For those like me who are currently single, hear me out. Enjoy singleness and don't make rash decisions for or against marriage. Live life as honorable and godly as possible. Pray and seek God and He will direct you to where He wants you to be. Realize that marriage and sex are gifts of God and not shameful or sinful. Pray for the life of the Church and the world that this area of our lives might be brought into submission under our Christ and healing maybe done in us and in others.

Grace and Peace

The Fourth

I have a unique collection of friends. One of my circles is summed up by three of my closest male friends, Matt, Myles, and Tiller. Each one has a different perspective of the world and Christian thought. One thing I like to brag about when speaking of my friends is their great intellect and vast stores of theological knowledge-each one containing a piece of puzzle.

Tiller-caught up in the beauty of historical theology and tradition-can talk for hours on the thoughts and practices of early church fathers, who are often neglected and forgotten by mainstream Protestantism and small Christian circles.

Matt-lover of systematic theology-searches for weaknesses in Theological paradigms and seeks to construct a theology that is logical, flows, and is consistent.

Myles-prodigy of the biblical languages-doesn't come to conclusion without first consulting the semantics of the ancient speakers of Greek and Hebrew. His theology is greatly shaped by wording and format of the ancient text that most of us miss because of our limitation to English.

Where do I fall into all this?

Me. It has often been pointed out to me that I live, move, and breathe within the realm of practical theology. I have often tried to be good at the other three forms that my friends bear, but this is a terrible injustice to them, to the world, and to myself. In trying to be the highly logical, historical, or philosophical theologian, I have neglect that which I am gifted in naturally.

I'm not saying that I cannot engage in the other three forms or that I am not good at them. I am logical and philosophical, but I have lost my focus and have been someone other than myself in an attempt to sound intelligent and to imitate others. I could think about the deep things of God, I can have all the best theological arguments, and I can teach every theological construct with clarity and simplicity, but if I don't have love and if I do not take action to push back the growing darkness then I am nothing and only making noise. If my studies don't lead to charity, compassion, excellence, and service I have ultimately failed and my thinking and reading have been in vain.

In terms of theology, logic, and knowledge I am the least among my three friends. I am the fourth. In terms of necessity and purpose I am in equality with them, and it is vital that I act upon my gifting and live out the person God has wired me to be, not letting fear, pride, and insecurity prevent me from honoring God in this way.

Grace and Peace. 

Ordered Steps

Lately it seems like God is really taking the extra effort to speak to me through people, while also using me to speak to others. Over the last few weeks, there have been people who have consistently come and spoken things to me in times of great need or relevance to my current place in life, including those who have approached me and told me things right out of the blue like "You need to be bold, stop worrying about other people opinions", and then other friends speak similar things, followed by random scripture readings that speak the same, and then a sermon from the pastor on the topic matter.

People have come to me with random statements of encouragement and stories that have deeply affected my heart. It is impossible to deny that God has ordained it that I should interact with certain people and to hear sermons, stories, and specific conversations to bring about change in my life in a very direct way...in a very personal, as well as obvious way. I cannot say that God's working in my life has been this apparent in quite some time. It is a joyful thing for me to have been in this season for the last month, and I find it difficult to accept that soon I will have to move back into seasons of silence and faith before too long, but I will not worry about the silence that lies before me. Instead I will enjoy the now, and accept the guidance, love, and discipline for Christ while I am allowed to yet hear and see. In this I know that God is preparing me and strengthening me. He did not end my life, but instead has rewarded me with the relief and comfort of His being near, so that I might continue to serve in the dark places of the world.

When I was 16-17 years old, I was actively a part of a prayer team that met every Saturday night to pray for the life of the Church. One night I was approached by an older woman that I didn't know, but had seen at the meetings quite frequently. She told me that she had seen a vision of me standing in the middle of Darkness surrounded by people. I turned  the only section of wall visible and grabbed a torch from it. This torch was the only source of light  around. She then stated that I raised the torch into the air and ran...I ran into the darkness all who were with me chased after me, and as I ran I came upon others and I grabbed them from the darkness; they too followed behind me as I ran with the torch. I am often reminded of that night when she told me of her vision, and whether or not she spoke in Spirit or in Flesh, I have been consistently reminded of it and inspired to keep going because of that vision.

I pray that I am strong enough to endure, but even more than that: to be able to carry others through their struggles and pains and bring Light to those that have none. I want to be that man that runs in the darkness; I believe that that is the person God is changing me into.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

When Worlds Colide

This past Sunday I was in Chattanooga visiting family, and while I was there I went to my old church. There were several Russians who had flown into the country to be able to go on a retreat that the church had put on over the weekend. During the worship portion of the service, the worship leader called up one of the Russians, who was the worship leader for the church back in their home town, to join him on stage. It was there that I experienced the beauty of hearing "How Great is Our God" sung in RUSSIAN! What was truly beautiful was when all the Russians began singing and, at the same time, the Americans in the room began singing out in English. I was lost in a in the miscellany of voices and the intense combination of language.

In that moment I saw the beautiful side-effects of Pentecost, people of various languages and cultures singing in unison of the glory of God and the wonder of our Christ! This is the beauty of the new covenant! That all peoples and all tongues and all cultures are now welcomed into the fold of God! That the Gospel will infiltrate the fabric of humanity and all men will sing together "Holy Holy Holy Lord, God of power and might. The heavens and the earth are full of Your glory! Hosanna in the highest!" From the East to the West, the Church shall be united once again. From the East to the West Christ will be Glorified. From the East to the West there will be peace, love, prosperity, and an end to injustice, poverty, and evil. All by the power of our God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Who is our "world without end".

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

People Watching

I rarely engage in the task of "people watching". In some way I think that I have missed out on life, and even disrespected humanity, in refraining from yielding my attention to them. There is so much to see and learn; there is terrible beauty and appealing deformity among our fellow humans that we can miss if we aren't looking close enough.

Those who watch me might see that my refrain is based in the fear of what a person might think if I happen to be looking in their direction at the time they look at me. This is a foolish reason to not enjoy and learn from others or to observe them. At this very moment I'm sitting in a coffee shop surround by students studying for tests and classes, additionally there is a couple out on a date getting to know each other better by indulging in topics of music, family, background, etc. It is fascinating to hear and to see the diversity that can be found in the middle of a little coffee shop on the edge of downtown Knox.

I have found yet another reason to put aside my fears and my insecurities; that is to see God's creation and enjoy it as a fellow human being, engaging in community and life. This is a desire of God.

People are hideous; people are beautiful. They are "Shattered Light".

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

The Truth Shall Set You Free

I finally got around to watching a few movies on my “must see at least once” list. One of which included the movie The Invention of Lying. It was an incredibly thought-provoking, if not also insulting. It is definitely sacrilegious and anti-Christian, but definitely worth seeing once regardless.

It is hard to imagine the world void of a specific sin, in this case deceit (as the title clearly suggests). I was led to examine my own life and ask myself, “Am I truly honest? Do I have strong integrity?”

I have to swallow a hard truth…honesty is my battle cry and deception is my shield. I do not always practice what I preach. On a daily basis I lie and deceive for the sake of my reputation, to avoid conflict, and to protect myself. In fact, we all do this! As a result, many peoples' friendships are shallow and continuously at the risk of breaking, because they are not true relationships at all. They are merely constructs of false connections by means of false common desires and beliefs. I am blessed to have relationships that are based on honesty and truth, but even within those I find myself withholding truth and dancing around honesty. If I do this with my closest friends, then you can be certain that I do this with family.

While some may find my logic here unreasonable and that I should reverse my last statement to say that “if I do this to family, then you can be certain I do this to friends”, I believe that what I have stated to be accurate. Blood is thicker than water; war more binding than the womb. It is possible for two siblings to also be friends and create a bond in blood, but it isn’t as common as many seem to think it is.

After watching the movie I started texting a dear friend a series of “truths”. These texts contained facts about me and my opinions of myself and the world that were completely and utterly true, nothing twisted to sound pretty or to sound humble or noble or anything; jut honesty. I found the exercise to be liberating and enlightening. I learned about myself and I faced some of my good and some of my bad in ways I never allowed myself to do before. Thank God for honesty, and thank God for people to be honest with.

Peace and Grace,

Stephen

Made of Iron

The other night I watched the movie The Iron Lady, a movie commemorating the life and achievements of the late Margaret Thatcher. Towards the beginning of the movie, the character of Thatcher is met with praise from a young woman stated Mrs. Thatcher had a significant impact on her life and that she was inspired to "be somebody", to which the elderly Thatcher replied, "In my day, it was about 'doing' something. Now it has become 'being' something."

Throughout the movie, there is a theme of "doing". The Iron Lady of good ole Britain did not strive to "be someone". No, she strived to DO something.  There is a significant difference between the two, and the latter often produces better results. There is a notable difference between the man that strives to be the leader of the free world and the man that strives to do something to make the world a better place. Comparatively speaking, it is the difference between President Washington and President...Clinton (I'll refrain from speaking about our current president out of respect. For though I am not a fan, I will respect the position that God has allowed him to be in).

So in my own life, I must begin to question my heart and ask myself "what is your goal, to be or to do?" I have a dear friend who's desire is to start an organization that reaches our to prostitutes and pimps; to make a difference in their lives and bring truth and healing to both the offended and the offender. She is not striving to "be" but to "do". She does not desire fame and power, but instead to make a difference in the lives of the hurting and the broken.

For too long I have reflected and contemplated the concept of "being someone" and it now I realize that my focus is in the wrong place. Let me not be, instead let me do. I am a Christian, let me do Christianity. Let me act and make a difference rather than try to make a reputation or a name for myself. I will become what I do--the action comes first.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen.