Faith. Hope. Love

I was recently writing a speech for one of my students who was graduating from the program that I work at and I was looking for just the right thing to share that reflected his time at Shelterwood. The word "story" echoed in my heart and I began constructing a verbal expression of who I saw in this young man; I reflected upon his story and the themes of his story. Sudden;y, I found myself thinking about my own story and the themes therein. I found something interesting about my life.

Year 12 was a landslide into depression and anger. I was searching for God with all I had and I was angry when I couldn't find him anywhere. Life didn't make sense. How could there be a God that loves me when I watched my sister run away and vanish out my life, my relationship with my brother dissipate into dust, my mom break down crying twice a week, or a dad that I thought I couldn't make happy? How could there be a God out there that let my nation fall into terror and dismay at the hands of heretical extremists?

"God where are you?! Prove to me you exist! Prove that You love me!!!"

At 15 I was thrust into a whole new world of ministry and community. It started with spontaneity, but not my own. No, not my own. I sat there on the back row of the chairs, visiting a youth group that I thought the same as any other. It was just another black hole for me. There was no hope left in my heart and I began asking "How might I die tonight?" A youth pastor whose name I did not yet know shattered the silent screams of my heart and said "You belong. I see you. I will teach you."

"God, I see you....but how can I keep going? How could life ever be ok? Why did you let me live???"

College rocked my world. It was where I met others of a similar difference, and it was there that I fell in love with life. Light shone everywhere and my heart began to beat stronger and stronger with each passing year. I found interests and learned the questions to ask. I felt the pain of disappoint aside the pride of knowing that at least I had tried. I found rejection and betrayal, and forgiveness became something that kept me going. I learned to reach out to people I disliked, and I learned to give more than I thought I could live without.

"Father of Lights, be my light...give me strength and make me an instrument of Thy peace. You gave me life, not let me go and give hope to others: to those that You love."

I moved and left my loves behind because I had to learn to love the "unlovable"...and I had to learn to love myself as much as I had learned to love others. In the giving of my time and energy I lost my works-based belief of self-value.

"Most Merciful God, You have been with me all my days and you have held me when I was weak. You helped me to stay strong and remain in You through super natural faith. When all hope seemed lost, You rushed to my side and lifted me up again and again! You built me up and gave me purpose and drive to go and BE! You have gifted me with a love for others that cannot be taught and You have taught me to love You. Now I seek to know the love You have for me that I might love myself honestly and healthily. I am amazed by You and Your workings in my life. Be with me still all my days and be my strength when I am weak, my faith when I'm in doubt, my hope in the midst of despair, and my love when betrayed and tempted to hate. Be my Everything. I don't feel like loving people right now because I'm tired and frustrated and feeling alone. So teach me to love. That seems to be the phase of life You have me in now. Teach me to Love."

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

"As Those Long Dead"

At some point in my teenage years I decided to read Lamentations just because it was there (and because I couldn't recall ever reading it). I had no idea what I was about to read. At the time I was painfully unaware of the definition of "lament", nor had I practiced such an action as lamenting to God. I wasn't quite connecting with the book until I began the 3rd chapter.

"He causes me to dwell in darkness as those long dead..."

-Lamentations 3:6

As a read the words that spoke of pain and suffering; the expressions of feeling abandoned by God, I began to cry. The words resonated in my soul and I ceased reading before I finished the chapter. These were the darkest words that I had ever read outside of my own prayer journal, and they were in the Bible! What was I to think of this? Was I reading it right? How could there be scriptures of such pain and misery?

"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

-Lamentations 3:21-23

The Orthodox have a belief that the life of the believer is one of rhythms and patterns. We go through time of Darkness - and that Darkness can be overwhelming at times! - but it placed in our paths to lead us out of self-destruction and sin; to strengthen us and lead us in to deeper knowledge of God and into states of holiness. Yes, it is painful to walk in shadow and to feel as though God has abandoned you, but He will not let it last forever. Faith, Hope and Love at the gifts that God grants those who ask, and these gifts are the tool that get us through! 

"Though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil..."

-Psalm 23:4

Walk through the Shadows; stay in the Light.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

God: Faithful to the Faithless

“Lord, make haste to save us…”

In Friday’s readings (Psalm 69, 73; Genesis 43:1-15; I Corinthians 7:1-9; Mark 4:35-41) we were bid by Isaiah to seek God, to forsake our sins, and to turn to God. We were then given a promise of reconciliation and redemption from God as result of our repentance. Lent is a time in which we are drawn to repentance, but it is also a time to meditate on the attributes and characteristics of God.

As I read the assigned readings for Friday, I found myself drawn to meditate on His faithfulness to His people. David cries out to God for help and speaks the heaviness of his despair and the many troubles that he faces. In the midst of his lamenting, he speaks of the goodness of God. He does not ask God to be good, but instead asks that, in light of His goodness, God would act out of His very nature.

In the New Testament reading, Christ saves His disciples from the wrath of the storm, and they are amazed. He then convicts them for their lack of faith, and they are amazed. It is important to point out that Christ did not wait until they had faith to act upon their situation. He did not hesitate. This is a major testament to the nature of our God!

We know not whether David was full of faith when he wrote Psalm 69 or not, but we know that God is faithful to come to our aid even when we are faithless. The cross is proof of this fact! He came “while we were yet sinners” and out of His nature He delivered us. He does not rely on us, but instead sees our lack and calls us to faith that we might know and be known by Him.

Look closely at your life, and I promise that you will see a thousand places where Christ intervened; a thousand times He was faithful even when you had all but lost hope that He would come through. Let us not forget the faithfulness of God, especially as we stand in the shadow of the cross and as Resurrection Sunday lies just a few weeks away.

Praise God for his faithfulness despite our brokenness! Let us repent, not that we might earn favor, but because He is deserving of our obedience and love! Let faith well up in our hearts in the knowledge that He is our God. He will never abandon us in the darkness, and death will never overcome us.

Grace and Peace

Ridin' Solo

It is no secret to those who know me that at this time in my life I am making little to no effort to enter into a "serious relationship". This is due to my current financial, spiritual, and all around life status. What most people don't know is that I have been prayerfully considering taking vows of eternal singleness. This is not something that I take lightly or would advise people doing on a whim. to take such a vow must be done with
the realization that breaking it would be detrimental to one's health (and soul) but also is an incredibly

honorable sacrifice to God. One must know their reasons for doing so and be certain that God has not called them to life of marriage. It is a decision that must be made in community and with mentor ship and patience.

That said, I have found that through discussions and seeking advice from friends and mentors, that I do not believe that I am called to singleness. In the very least I will not be taking my vows and I will be keeping an eye open for possibilities. Given that so few people in my life knew that I was considering this, I have found it interesting how several people have come to me to talk about their wrestling with the subject themselves; expressing their contemplation of permanent celibacy.

What exactly does it look like to be a celibate? Let's break this down a little bit. First and foremost, I would advise asking a monk or nun to share their experience in the matter. After all, they most likely are able to describe that life style more than most.

To give up sex is to give up marriage and (this will surprise some people) to give up marriage is to give up sex. Biblically the two coincide. You aren't supposed to have one without the other.

Giving these up means...well, no children. There is an exception to this. There is a young woman in Africa by the name of Katie who has adopted over a dozen children and single handedly is raising those kids. However, you can say goodbye to blood-related children or continuing you're bloodline (which isn't as biog a deal within the context of Christianity).

Altered social life. No double dates. No dates. Life priorities and focus change. Less responsibilities to handle at home, and freedom to go and do stuff at the drop of the hat. Greater risks can be taken, and as a result I would argue that with the loss of home-responsibilities, their is an increase of responsibility outside of one's home and to the church. Having more free time and less priorities doesn't mean you can waste time and resources, it simply means you re direct that time and resources to other areas. This is an area that I am currently not doing well. I am single and I have plenty of free time due to only having a part-time job, and yet I waste so much time and accomplish little more than I would if I had a full-time job.

It is difficult and yet honorable to make such a decision. It is a great testament to people, an inspiration to other believers, and a challenging sacrifice for the self that, I believe, God sees and rewards. However, God also loves marriage. After all, He is the one who established marriage and created the concept of sex and family. To be married is to demonstrate the beautiful union of Christ and Church, as well as greater display the Image of God in us.

I'm going to rabbit trail for a moment. God designed us for intimacy, marriage, parenthood, and sexual union with opposite genders. It is deeply apart of who we are, and is it any wonder why this area of our lives has been so greatly distorted by sin and by the Church? Sexuality is an aspect of humanity that is so greatly misunderstood and misused worldwide and faith-wide. In the Church's desire to bring humanity back into right living and to try and correct the false use of sex, She has often gone to extremes. She either has either made the topic taboo and uneasy to talk about or taught about it with such negativity that people walk away believing that even sex INSIDE of marriage is sinful and disgraceful.

Sadly, much of the Church of late has swung the opposite direction in Her desire to please people and get people in the doors, but this is an affront to the gospel and is false doctrine.

Back to the topic at hand.Too many people are making this decision based off of fear. Fear of commitment and being in a relationship. Fear of being hurt (again) by someone and as a result they throw away all hope of being in a relationship. They fear their abilities to be good parents, or to be a good spouse. These are not good reasons. Instead of shrinking away, use those fears to drive you to be a better person.

Some don't want the responsibility of being a parent or spouse, to which I say you don't deserve marriage and even more importantly, you don't deserve to have sex. Sex is not to be done in such complete selfishness. Sex is for holding marriages together and starting families, not solely for one's self pleasure and entertainment.  If you don't want to bear the responsibility of raising children, don't have sex. If you don't want to care for another person or think of someone other than yourself...then you should consider taking those vows.

For those like me who are currently single, hear me out. Enjoy singleness and don't make rash decisions for or against marriage. Live life as honorable and godly as possible. Pray and seek God and He will direct you to where He wants you to be. Realize that marriage and sex are gifts of God and not shameful or sinful. Pray for the life of the Church and the world that this area of our lives might be brought into submission under our Christ and healing maybe done in us and in others.

Grace and Peace

Divine Encounters

Recently I found myself on the doorsteps of a beautiful church which I had gone to for the purpose of participate in a mid-day Eucharist service, but sadly I found the doors were all locked. I found, however, that there were a few men sitting out on the steps by themselves talking. I had stumbled across an impromptu  AA meeting, and before I knew it I had been asked to stay and listen. I was soon sitting on the ground listening to these men's stories, their struggles and experiences. It was a beautiful encounter that I would not have been able to experience if I had not gone and found the doors locked.

I had never participated in an AA meeting, primarily because I could not been deemed an alcoholic by any stretch of the imagination, but also because I never have actively sought out such things. In some way I see this as a tragedy on my part. I do not struggle. but there are those out there that do and need support. Perhaps it is best that a non-alcoholic not try to step in and "fix" those who are, but then again, is it otherwise merely the blind leading the blind?

I am forced to ask myself, can true accountability be held between two people who struggle with the same issue? I believe so. I saw this as true in the human beings that I encountered today. Young men often hold each other accountable (with moderate success) in the matters of sexual sin and addictions, so it is also helpful here. Though I would imagine that having someone who didn't struggle in the exact same way would be somewhat helpful, so long as the addict can see the non-addict for who they are and not see them as Pharisaic or Pietistic Overlords.

Photo taken from the AA websie:http://www.aa.org/pics_site/noflash_people.gif

I think that the important factor to remember is that they are human beings, regardless of addiction or abuse. We continually come across people throughout the week who are in need, some who recognize their problems and some who don't, and we have the amazing opportunity to be human with them; to be present in their lives. Should we not being seek opportunities to help others and to show others the Light of the Kingdom of Christ,the Light that gives liberty and freedom from addictions and to self-destructive philosophies? We need to stop talking about the world needing help and healing and start helping and seeking to heal. I pray that, as we grow in our faith, we might begin see these divine encounters that present themselves to us on a weekly (and sometimes daily) basis. For "life is short and there is but little time to gladden the hearts of those who travel with us. So let us be swift to love and make haste to be kind."

I would encourage you to look around at the people in your own communities, whether work, church, etc and look for ways that you can be a light in the midst of their darkness for the sake of the Kingdom and for the sake of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Peace be with you,

Stephen 

Liquid Holiness

For many generations, Christians have promoted (and made use of) a liquid substance primarily known as anointing oil! I myself keep a bottle of the stuff in my satchel. The question is whether or not there are biblical basis for it's use and, if so, when is it to be used? does it accomplish anything by being used.

I am writing on this topic after a friend of mine contacted me and requested that I share my thoughts on the topic matter and immediately I felt the inspiration to write on the subject matter. My friend asked me about my thoughts on the use of anointing oil and whether or not I thought is was abused, specifically by the charismatic/Pentecostal brethren.

My answer, however, cannot be made without first looking at scripture. In the Bible we see various instances where oil was used for anointing: generals to lead reformation, men to be priests, and a little boy to be a king. In the books and letters of the new covenant we see where people we anointed because they were sick.

The use of anointing oil has been upheld by Christian tradition for centuries. The Roman Catholic Church still supports it use in some of its rites, such as the final rites (which is perceived to be sacramental in nature). The RCC also uses Holy Water (which protestants, in a strange twist of irony, have labeled heretical). Pentecostal traditions have managed to mass produce the liquid substance and find themselves anointing. not only the sick or those being placed in a position of authority, but also the windows, chairs, walls, and doors.

What is the purpose of oil? What good does it do? Is it deeply symbolic, merely another strange action of a bizarre group of people lost in traditions while trying to honor a power and unfathomable God, or is there something deeply spiritual and effective about the use of oil? I'm not going to even pretend that I have the answer...because I don't. As much as I love God and as much as I have read books and had classes on scripture...more and more I realize that I may know more than most, I know nothing compared to all there is to know about Christ and His universe.

So, we have something that has vague use in the Bible, but is in fact used by the the early Church and carried forth by church tradition. It is powerful reminder and physical, tangible substance that draws our attention to the unseen and intangible. Regardless of it having power, it is a powerful tool for worship and prayer, as well as faith strengthening. Just like the incense that fills the naive and the bells that sound in rafters of ancient cathedrals, so does the oil bring us into focus upon our Creator and make us aware of His ever present Presence that covers us, fills us, and leaves a mark upon us.

I think the ultimate question is...does the your use of anointing oil or theology concerning anointing oil take away your worship, praise, faith, or reliance in God? Many pray to "Padre Pio" instead of praying to Christ, and many call on Mary and rely on her to speak on their behalf. Christ is center, Christ is focus, and if you find the anointing oil is a great symbolic reminder of the presence of Christ and helps strengthen your faith...then by all means use it! If you believe that there is a deep, spiritual essence to holy oil by which God causes change and/or acts upon the use of...then great! Point is that a) God gets glory and He is recognized as the life source and b) we are pushed to living a life style the reflects the beauty of the Gospel.