Strangers and Adventures

As a young college student I was lost in a sea of the unknown. I started off on metaphorical journey; my primary quest was to find myself. Yes, this journey was vague, post-modern, poetic, and cliche but I had started it nonetheless and I was determined to succeed. It took many years to find myself, and when I did I was shocked by who I found.

Weird right?! Surely once I turned the last corner of the maze; when I finally found the right light switch and saw myself standing there I would have full and complete understanding of who he was! Surely there would be some sort of overwhelming spiritual sense of comfort and familiarity...RIGHT?

Wrong.

This idea that tranquility at the point of self-discovery is novel, but unrealistic. It is a fanciful thought and such a transcendent experience is an illusion of the mind.

I thought that when I found myself I would recognize myself immediately. Instead I met a stranger. But of course I was a stranger! Why should anyone expect to recognize someone they have never met before?!

When one spends his entire life looking in a broken mirror, or through a muddied reflection, how can he possible know the dimensions of his face or the true distance between his mouth and his ears? In such a discovery there will always be a sense of wonder, as well as unfamiliarity.

Frankly, I'm glad that my expectations were unfounded. Now I have the opportunity to begin discovering who I am and figuring out my limits and pushing the boundaries of my abilities.

Thus ends the journey of self-discovery, and begins the adventure of self-application.


Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Wait....Already???

A year has come and gone; life has been a whirlwind. Could it already be August again??? Could I really completed my year internship at Shelterwood? Did I really go through ALL of that?! How have I grown so much? How have I not grown more?

I can't even begin to process it all, and half the time the only response that seems appropriate screaming. Other times, praying.

The year is up and I've made a lot of mistakes, but I've also made a whole, whole lot of victories as well! My year was a success beyond measure, and yet I still feel the longing of change an
d growth. I know that I'm not whole. I know I'm not healed. I know that I am not finished serving and sacrificing here in Missouri.

I have been forced to choose been the luxury of rest and my passion for youth. I choose passion. I choose the suffering though my heart longs for rest. I love my kids. And I know what's best for me. What's best is that I struggle now and that I fight on in self-denial for the love and care of others in need.

I have grown through the struggle and the pain, not from the rest the I sneaked in between troubles.

To all who fought with me this year I say thank you.

Thank you for your sacrifice and your passions. Thank you for all that you gave up for the sake of loving the "unlovable." May God grant you peace and grace as you go forth to do even more for his kingdom and may He grant you all that you deserve for your work in His Kingdom.


Grace and Peace,

Stephen

BE Wise

I ask for wisdom often. I mean OFTEN! I always want to be able to give others the absolute best advice and I want to be able to pass good judgment on any given situation that I walk into, but I never think of wisdom as being beneficial to ME.

I do not mean that I don't ask for advice, but instead that I never ask for wisdom to be able to live healthier myself. I always think of wisdom as being something you have for the benefit of those around you, but in thinking that way I ultimately neglect my own needs.

What I am doing is asking for wise words, but not to actually be wise.

To be wise is far more complex than being able to give advice. It living it out. I may give wisdom form time to time, but anyone who looks at how I take care of myself and say that I am not a very wise person at all.

So when you pray, pray to "be wise" rather than to "have wisdom." Don't pray to have light...pray to BE light!

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

How Honest is too Honest?

They say that "honesty is the best policy." Yet honesty is one of the hardest things for humanity to live out, unless of course you are just temperament is to be super direct. At what point does honesty become...too much? 

Honesty doesn't mean saying everything you think and feel, but where do we draw the line? Vulnerability is a necessity of humanity, and yet how vulnerable should one be? At what point does one move from healthy exposure to soul prostitution? Is it merely a matter of the heart and the intentions and expectation in one's giving that determine whether the vulnerability is right or wrong? or is there actually a point where one must cease? Should culture and society define this?

As you can see I have a lot of questions on the matter. 

Lately I have found myself consumed by this subject of honesty. In my never ending quest for wholeness and understanding, I now find this at the forefront of my thoughts. 

Sadly, I must say that I have come to no conclusions and confess my inability to think it all out at this time...and that frustrates the tar out of me! 

It has occurred to me that, like many things that I question about life and reality, that there may not be a clear, black and white answer to my questions. 

Does anyone have any thoughts on the matter? Any resources to look at to shed some light? Feel free to share!!!

Wrestling With Identity

The other day I was sitting in Starbucks trying to relax from a long week and browsing the internet when I got a strange, sudden urge to look something up. I had heard a hundred times that there are scholarships out there for simply being a redhead! Well, in light of my contemplating a return to school to pursue a Master's I decided to go ahead and look it up. That's when I found Redheads Anonymous.

I got a good laugh out of the site, but as I was there I noticed a link to a survey where one could answer questions about being a ginger. Naturally I clicked the link to see what kind of questions I was going to be asked, and I found myself surprised by the questions.

The questions asked about bullying, my feelings towards being redhead, my "relationship" with my hair, etc. They asked about my identity and how being a redhead affected my identity.

Anyone who knew me as a teen knows that I have long wrestled with questions of identity, but rarely gotten anywhere with my questioning. I often found myself going round in circles, bound by the strongholds (see future blog post!) that held me down and kept me enslaved.

My teens that I work with struggle with this as well.

They say teens are supposed to wrestle with identity and start asking those questions as they begin to think more abstractly, but none of my psych books suggest an end date. Worse yet, they offer very little advice in helping to foster these questions other than "encouraging" them to happen.

Here are a few of the identity markers that I've come to realize are important in teens (and adults).

• Race-in a world infected with racism, I often want to avoid this one. The truth is, however, that one's identity is affected by the origins and skin color. We identify with those that are similar to us and build our relationships and culture that way. There is revolution to fight against this because of the racism that often grows out that, but the fact is that it is there. 
• Race 2.0-for me, race affects me differently. Being a ginger I am a subcategory of the White people and, in many cases, the "reject" of the white race or the "special" of the Whites...kinda depends on who you're talking to haha! My identity has genuinely affected by my hair color, but more so as a child than as an adult, but the affects it had in my early years grew into adulthood. 
• Age/youthfulness-we find a lot of our identity in our age and, by default, our peers of the same age. 
• Citizenship/Country of Birth- you are fooling yourself if you think that your country of birth doesn't have an affect on you. the culture you were raised in has the first and foremost affect, but I don't know a single person who hasn't thought upon the country of their birth found a measure of their identity in that. I know several teens that have been adopted from another country, and even though they grew up here in the states, they have made a connection back to their roots in Haiti, Jamaica, etc. 
• Religion-your faith is a huge identity shaper! Unlike race, it is not a physical issue, but a metaphysical issue. It is not something treated the same way and more wholly affects your lifestyle and choices than that of the skin and facial feature. It is the greatest identity changer of them all!

These are all things that I've had to face a teen and as a young adult. As a teen, however, I was not able to bridge the gap from questioning to answering. Even in college I struggled to come to real, solid conclusions about who I was as a person. I had to do a lot of growing, developing, and healing before I was able to accomplish this. 

Now I sit here, an adult, asking new questions of identity. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What is my "thing"? What do I have to offer my community? What are my priorities in life? 

Here is a glimpse of me:

I, Stephen Dewane Green II, am a single redheaded Christian from Tennessee with a B.A. in Christian Ministry and I currently work as a Direct Care Staff at Shelterwood Academy. I am in Christ. I am human. I am healing. I am searching. I am loved. I like art. I love people. I am someone's middle child and someone else's oldest child. I am angry. I am hurt. I am forgiving. I am sensitive. I am compassionate. I am giving. I am thoughtful. I am a hard worker. I am undisciplined. I am trying my best to not compare myself to others. I am going to change the world. 

Grace and Peace,

Stephen