"Who...are...you?"

If you have ever watched the movie Alice in Wonderland, then you know what I'm talking about when I saw "that is one creepy caterpillar!", but he asks a question of Alice that, I believe, is important for all of us to ask of ourselves. "Who are you?"

This is a question that we naturally begin to ask ourselves (though most in our subconscious) as we enter our teenage years. Lies and deceits imposed upon us by our peers, family, and even ourselves often keep us from discovering the answer to this question. If you live outside of Christ, then you will never be able to fully answer that question. In Christ is where the fullness of one's being lies.

When I was a sophomore in college, I had a shift in thought. I had often asked the question "why am I?' while I was in high school, but now I took this other question and I moved it from the subconscious to the conscious and began the journey to understanding myself. It's not as easy as one might think. Over the years I have managed to make some progress, but I was stunted by something. Something of vast importance.

I lacked the desire to be honest with myself. As much as I wanted to know myself, to do what I am good at, etc. I wanted even more to avoid the risk of pain and disappointment that I might experience upon finding that answer. I wanted all the good, but I was scared to hear the bad, and more often than not I began picturing myself as a hideous being that was void of strength and value. I distorted the good as I refused to hear the bad; letting my imagination and fears control me. This is an unhealthy and ubiblical style of living.

Knowledge is power, and it is important to have knowledge about yourself. There are a few significant facts we must accept as we seek to know and understand ourselves.

1. Outside of Christ we can't even come close to the truth of our being
2. Chances are that you will not have a complete understanding, but that should never keep you from trying
3. Honesty is vital, and you must take the bad along with the good. Otherwise you will be out of balance. To repair and strengthen the weakness requires honesty.
4. It isn't something done  alone. We need others to help point out what we cannot see or to correct our vision. We need community to help repair and improve.
5. It definitely won't happen over night. Anything worth doing is worth the time it takes to do it. Such a task will require much of your time for prayer, meditation, and critical thought and research. 

If you are seeking this understanding, I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to not give up when it gets hard. The challenge and difficulty will only serve to aid you and make it all the more worth it. If you have never moved from the subconscious to the conscious, then let me encourage you to do so. You will find your life improved from you questioning and seeking. 

Peace be with you,

Stephen

Freedom and Stability: Worship in a World of Chaos

The world is ever shifting and changing. Life proves to be consistently unstable and often unpredictable. Faith and worship are the anchors that hold us steady as the hurricanes rage against the battered ships of our souls. But just how stable are our anchors and supports? Can the pillars of our faith hold when our world starts to shake? Does our worship of God strengthen those pillars, or does it hollow the infrastructure?

I have been in search of the answer to this question over the course of the last couple years, and while I have not come to an ending conclusion, I do believe that I have made a great deal of discoveries over the past year and would like to share some of those thoughts here and now.

I grew up in the contemporary/Charismatic tradition. I am intimately familiar with "modern" worship services. In my home church, I found music pleasing to listen to, exciting, moving, and LOUD! I loved it all, and I loved how God worked in me through those experiences. I am highly sympathetic to those who choose to worship in these "concert-like" settings and to the styles thereof, but I think that there is an aspect of worship and the Christian life that one is robbed of when they only worships in this form. I am also, however, ashamed of the shallowness of much worship and overly emotional actions of many. Unfortunately, the foci of many within the worships services that I've attended all over the U.S. were erratic and often self-serving as people were more concerned with their "experiences" rather than about God and His truth. I am one of those many people who cared to much about experiencing something and about whether or not I ended up on my knees crying than about adoring God and speaking (or singing) words of truth, honor, and faith.

Again, I do not think charismatic worship is wrong, just incomplete. I was greatly shaped and challenged through charismatic worship as a teenager and I know that God used all of it to make me a better person and to pull me closer to Him. Yet, there was something missing in the midst of it all; I would not grow in Christ as much as I am able to if God had left me there and not begun working on my heart this area of my faith. I believe that worship is less shaped by who we are, and rather that it shapes us. There are those two-faced people who live completely different outside of Church than they would act within, and it is sad that people can live out their lives with a disassociated faith, but I would venture to say that they are still affected by their form of worship.

First, what is worship? thefreedictionary.com gave the following definitions:


wor·ship n.
1.
     a. The reverent love and devotion accorded a deity, an idol, or a sacred object.
     b. The ceremonies, prayers, or other religious forms by which this love is expressed.
2. Ardent devotion; adoration.
3. often Worship Chiefly British Used as a form of address for magistrates, mayors, and certain other dignitaries:
v. wor·shiped or wor·shipped, wor·ship·ing or wor·ship·ping, wor·ships
v.tr.
1. To honor and love as a deity.
2. To regard with ardent or adoring esteem or devotion. See Synonyms at revere1.
v.intr.
1. To participate in religious rites of worship.
2. To perform an act of worship.

Humans have questioned worship and what is the most "true" form of worship. I once was one of those who argued that true worship involved lots of passion and "freedom" to do what you wanted; that loud, emotional services were what God was most please by. I condemned liturgical worship for being "dry, artificial, and unpleasing to God." I was among those who thought of non-Charismatic worshipers as prideful, starchy Christians who were too arrogant for their own good. I mean how dare they tell us that our form of worship is wrong when it is so obvious that is the ONLY right way to worship! Besides, all those ritualistic words and phrases make "them Catholics" no better than pagans and witches right?!

Wrong.

Liturgical worship is authentic, God-pleasing, beautiful, and freeing. I have heard many critique liturgy and say "I couldn't go to that kind of church cause I have to have my freedom to worship God" without even having the understanding of the depths of worshiping liturgically. There is freedom and life in structured worship that can't be found in some of the more "low-church" settings! Liturgical worship disciples and teaches the doctrines of the church with greater depth and complexity than most of the non-liturgical worship we see throughout the Church today (most of which is actually quite shallow). I have felt the presence of God during a Latin mass just as much as I have in buck-wild Pentecostal Church.

I recently was reading a book in which one of the main characters was being tortured by an evil king who had her beaten with iron rod that had been heated within a furnace. In the book she faces all sort of torments and mental stress, but through the whole thing she focused on rites and rituals. The rituals allowed her to maintain her sanity and to keep from letting her willpower fail. The stability and consistency of liturgical/ritualistic worship helps bring stability to the unstable world we live in. It is an anchor to reality. It is also the way the early church worshiped! As well as the Israelites of the old testament. The book of Psalms contains this form or worship as well.

Both liturgical and non-liturgical worship have important elements to them that benefit the life of the believer. While it isn't about us, I believe God designed that worship be beneficial to the worshiper. There are times where we should worship with all our emotions and lay on our faces with tears pouring from our eyes and loose our grip on our self control so as to, in a way, expose ourselves before God and make ourselves emotionally vulnerable to Him. We should also, however, worship in rich, symbolic rituals of the ancient faith for is strengthens us and disciples us. Worship with  your intellect. Worship in unity with the Church all over the world. Worship in "spirit and in truth". I personally practice both forms continuously throughout the week.

Lastly, stop making it about you! Worship is about God and not about you. It's not about what you want or how you want to worship. Be grateful that you have liberty and that God is not overly strict on the way the Church is to worship, but do not think that it is your right to worship as you deem most right. It is your privilege. Whether you ever cried or not, whether you ever were made aware of the presence of the Holy One or not, you are to worship. Don't condemn others for worshiping in a way that is different than yours and think it as being less pleasing than yours. The fact of the matter is, they very well maybe worshiping far more authentically and God-pleasing than you are.

"I Feel Like..."

When I was a student at Bryan, I had a certain professor who I found to be unrelenting and incredibly strict in his grading of papers. My friends and I called him..."The Bearded One". The rest of the world knew him as Dr. Daryl Charles! The man had a beard like no other and we were convinced that it had magical powers. These powers included, but were not limited to, portal magic (which, we believed, explained how he seemed to disappear the moment he stepped out of the classroom), telekinesis, and much more.

While I found this professor incredibly frustrating and destructive towards my GPA, I recognize him as being one of the best professors that I have ever had the privilege of studying under. My ability to think, reason, and write have all been vastly improved by this man.

If there was one thing, however, that stands out to me from all of his teachings it is this: "When you write, don't tell me how you feel, tell me what you think." I had this concept severely beat into my cerebral cortex! I still remember the notes and red marks on some of my reflection papers from where I used the dreaded "I feel..."

Why is this so significant? We have become a nation of people that are caught up in "feelings", and it is evident even within the Church of America. We associate truth with emotions, rather than associating emotions with truth. Emotions are not to define, but are to help process and react to what "is".

Additionally, to say "I feel" rather than "I believe" or "I think" is to be less committed to what you are saying. There is less risk to reputation, as well as less of a requirement of having an explanation for what they believe. People can get away without having a reason for how they "feel", but to not have a reason for what they "think" is not so easily accepted.

It's not that emotions are wrong or evil. They are a gift of God for humanity! He gave us emotions as a kind of operating system for us to process data that we receive. Some people are like Windows Vista...could use a little work before being out out into the world. Other like Macs...low maintenance. And then the Windows 8...a little too modern and kinda "touchy" lol. No that my random analogies are through, I will say that I am a person that I am a person who understands the risk and ease of letting emotions run one's life. It is a matter of discipline, prayer, and mediation to be able to fight against the dictatorship that is emotion.

Just as the Government is meant to protect it's people, so are your emotions to protect you. When too much power, however, is given to either...you are left with enslavement and chaos. (Is it the 5th of November yet?)

We need to be able to stand by our words and commit ourselves to beliefs. Stop "feeling" and start thinking. Take up the responsibility of thinking through what you "feel like you believe". Your witness as a Christian depends on it; the Church as a whole is desperate for intellect and critical thought to be come and bring order to the emotional chaos that has swept her worldwide.

Below is what is called the "Apostle's Creed". Below that I have replaced the word "believe" with "feel". Notice the change in voice and meaning. (I had to do some sentence restructuring to make it fit grammatically, but I don't think I've taken liberties)

We believe in God, the Father almighty,

creator of heaven and earth.

We believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,

who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,

born of the Virgin Mary,

suffered under Pontius Pilate,

was crucified, died, and was buried;

he descended to the dead.

On the third day he rose again;

he ascended into heaven,

he is seated at the right hand of the Father,

and he will come to judge the living and the dead.

We believe in the Holy Spirit,

the holy catholic (Universal, not Roman Catholic) Church,

the communion of saints,

the forgiveness of sins,

the resurrection of the body,

and the life everlasting.

Amen.

And now:

We feel like [there is a] God, the Father almighty,

creator of heaven and earth.

We feel like [there is a] Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,

who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,

born of the Virgin Mary,

suffered under Pontius Pilate,

was crucified, died, and was buried;

he descended to the dead.

On the third day he rose again;

he ascended into heaven,

he is seated at the right hand of the Father,

and he will come to judge the living and the dead.

We feel like [there is a] Holy Spirit,

the holy catholic Church,

the communion of saints,

the forgiveness of sins,

the resurrection of the body,

and the life everlasting.

Amen.

May our emotions be results of our thinking and believing, rather than our thinking and believing being a result of our emotions.

Peace be upon you all,

Stephen

Institutions, Organizations, and Nations Transcendent of Time, Space, and Petty Arguing

Ok... so you are probably reading this because the long, bizarre name intrigued you. That's the same reason why a lot of people aren't reading this post! haha! Let's begin!!!

Recently, I underwent change of denominations. The majority of my life I spent my time in the pews of a "Church of God" (Of Cleveland, TN). Toward the end of my college experience, God began pulling me out and away from the denomination I grew up in, and he used some pretty intense things to do that! (That's another tale to be told at another time...feel free to ask me about!) For several months I went from church gathering to church gathering, I even took the opportunity to visit denominations that I knew little to nothing about so that I could experience a variety of the Christian expressions! Greek Orthodox, Baptist, Methodist, Episcopal, Anglican, Independent Pentecostal (YIKES!), Messianic Congregation (5...hours...long...and that with me skipping the last part!), Presbyterian, a neo-calvinistic/non-denominational/charismatic church, and Evangelical Free....am I forgetting one???

I grew a lot from this experience, but it also drained me quite a bit. Wandering is not healthy for one's spiritual life. The lack of fellowship and community was also very difficult. After some time I began to be partial to the Anglican community while I was still living in Chattanooga. I also visited the Episcopal church on occasion (primarily to daily Eucharist with my good friend Milez). This leaning led to a lot of questioning and raised eyebrows from friends and family. One member of my family in particular did not seem to happy with my participation with the more "high-church" communities and often said things that conveyed disapproval.

Upon moving to Knoxville I visited several more churches (including a local Anglican church) that caught my fancy, but in the end I landed my choice with a local Evangelical Free Church! To learn more about the EFCA (Evangelical Free Church of America), visit this website! While I do not label myself an E. Free Christian, I do regularly attend and E. Free church. The Anglican Church was a close second.

So why visit so many denominations you may ask.Why choose the denomination I'm in now, you may also be asking. Why do you ask so many questions?!

Well, I do not believe that there is a perfect denomination...ANYWHERE! At the same time I am anti-nondenominational. In fact, I think nondenominationalism (as it is expressed in America) is more unbiblical that denominations. Stick that in your eccleisological pipe and smoke it! The reason being that I believe that denominations help to keep together what nondenoms are destroying...structure and unity.

In the end I could care less about what denomination I am in, so long as the church I attend is seeking to fulfill it's role as a member of the body of Christ, holds to the Apostle's and Nicene Creeds, and that allows me to work within my gifting to edify others. Sure, I have some theological preferences, and I looked out for stuff like that when I was searching for a church, but more because I wanted to be in unity with those I am worshiping with than anything else. How can I be of the utmost use when I theologically disagree with absolutely everything I am hearing from those around me or from the pulpit???

In the end, I chose the E. Free church because in addition to being theologically sound and having, what I would say are, strong biblical foci, as well as plenty of opportunities for me to serve. Additionally, it appeared that this is where God wanted me to be. I found it sad that when I told people where I was going the only question that they thought to ask me was "Do they speak in tongues?"...I'm so glad that people care so much about my spiritual well being enough to ask the REALLY important questions. Forget missions, outreach, community, worship, or whether they are a cult or not...so long as they speak in tongues. Has our understanding of "church" become so shallow? Have we so forgotten our purpose and our function? What has the church become...I think God weeps over us.

Despite my choice to attend an E. Free church, I find myself not telling everyone that they need to go to an E. Free church. Quite frankly, I don't want to be like so Christians out there who evangelize their church more than they do their faith. I know people who are more likely to evangelize you into attending their denomination rather than into the Christian faith as a whole.

"You're Baptist? Oh, well you should come visit my church! It's great"

"You're a Catholic?! I'm just going to assume you're not Christian and in need of Jesus. Let me start by telling you everything about Christ that I know you don't know, because you are obviously so focused on Mary that you probably don't know that she isn't the Christ! Let me start by telling you about this little thing called grace..."

"Oh...you're Church of Christ? My church has real worship!"

"Presbyterian? Did you know that there is this person known as the Holy Spirit?!"

"Church of God...I'm going to just say that you're heretical. Additionally  I'm not going to bother learning anything about you or what you ACTUALLY believe. So take take your modolistic, snake-handling, and unintelligent but to a traditional church that teaches the Trinity." (I experienced this one first hand when I went to college, but not verbatim)

Hopefully you get my point. We are supposed to be of the one and only holy, catholic (universal, not Roman Catholic) church! We are hundreds of thousands of people who are all a part of this nation (kingdom in the more traditional language) of people from hundreds of cultural backgrounds, etc. The Church (notice the capital "c") is a Kingdom of humanity that is not bound by political borders and expressions, time, space, and so on. It exists despite our human flaws and out theological disagreements. there is ONE Chruch with many denominations. Not a thousand Churches. Christ is King over this Kingdom (something that even the Pope will claim), and we in our sin have began to do the same thing that the Apostles did in the presence of Christ-bicker and fight about who is greatest in the kingdom. Who gives a horses patoot?!?!

Lastly, there are many Christians out there that are preaching against Church structures and Church government. Just sit down before you hurt yourself please. You are rebelling against God and are twisting scripture to meet your biased opinions. I'm sorry that you got hurt by some pastor or that the Church of America is not being persecuted to the point of having to meet underground for fear of being slaughtered. Etc, etc, etc. Christ established Church government when we appointed the Apostles, and if I wanted to I could go much deeper into the biblical text and argue further, but chances are you wouldn't listen anyway.

There is a piece of my recent journey as well as my thoughts on denominations. Thanks for reading :)

Peace be with you,

Stephen

"In a Hole in the Ground..."

"..there lived a Hobbit."

For years, the story of Bilbo Baggins has ignited the hearts and imaginations of children and adults alike! Good and evil, Elves and dragons, and unlikely hero on an unlikely adventure. There is a beauty to the story of Bilbo that many tales of heroes and villains lack these days...depth. 

I recently re-watched the "epic motion picture" and was overtaken by a need for adventure! Life IS an adventure, though. I forget that sometimes. It is easy to forget the reality around you and to be caught up in all that one doesn't see or what one can't hear, feel, taste, or experience. Greed and covetousness for the experiences and lifestyle
s of others is an unhealthy way of going through existence; a misuse of the time that God has allotted to us. 

Recently, it has come to my attention that I dwell on the "what could be" and miss out on the "what is." Additionally, I do nothing to change "what is" to achieve the "what could be" and as a result I lay in self-imposed misery...missing out on life and missing out on opportunities to grow closer to God and to serve the Church and the world. 

Do not think that I am saying that desires to see the world or to have better things is a bad thing. Do think, however, that I am saying that we need a greater appreciation for what we do have and enjoy life as it is rather than be miserable in the thoughts of how it could be. As I have previous written about in an earlier post..."be present"

On the flip side of things, we should not become so caught up in the comforts of "what is" that we miss opportunities to step into peoples' lives and to experience the unknown, the new...and maybe even be a force of good that stumbles across the Ring of the Dark Lord, therefore becoming the gateway to saving the world form eternal darkness and despair! 

O.k. maybe a little far-fetched there, but you get my point. Bilbo was a happy fellow because he was able to enjoy the present and see the good that he had, but he also had the courage and drive to let go of all that he had to go out and be a part of something scary, challenging, and potentially life threatening. One of the most vital scenes in the movie (or so I believe) is toward the beginning when Gandalf and Bilbo are discussing the quest (see right). Gandalf states, "You will have a tale or two to tell when you come back." "Can you promise that I ever will come back,", asks Bilbo. Gandalf replied, "No...but if you do...you will not be the same." That was the point in which I found myself ready to jump on a plane to Africa! 

I think that God has a duel desire for humanity to find joy in their surroundings, but to also to not be enslaved by the possessions that we have and the lives that we run. Perhaps St. Francis of Assisi had a better understanding of what God desired for humanity than most of us do...maybe.  

I realize that I've jumped around a lot in this post, but it truly reflects my reflections (hehe) that came about from my watching the movie. 

Be grateful and work in the place that God has placed. Make the most of what you have! 

Be ready for when the call of duty comes and beckons you to do more and to be courageous for the sake of the Kingdom and for Christ our Lord and our King (who lives and reigns with the Father and with the Holy Spirit, one God now and forever. Amen). 

Peace be with you all,

Stephen