What 8 Months of Ministry Taught Me and More!

Today marks my 8th month in "high-action youth ministry"! Or at least, that's what I like to call it! Being a Direct Care Staff at a Christian therapeutic boarding school can hardly be simplified any other way!

I am not as happy as I was when I first started, but I am happy. The reason for this decrease can be found in a variety of reasons.

1) Gah I'm tired! Up until this last break I didn't realize how freak'n tired I was! 80+ hours a week takes its toll, and the truth is that I must endure a great deal on the daily from teens who wish they could have met me somewhere else for a completely different reason than being sent to this school. Haha! Which leads to number...

2) My relationships with my teens is constantly in flux. They don't want to be here. They have stuff they are working through. I have stuff I am working through. I am their friend, but I am also their authority. Perfect combination for tension. I could be talking through some heart issues with a guy one night and then be cussed out the next for having to call them out on a rule; suddenly I am their worst enemy and we might not talk for a week (for people who see each other and spend as much time together as we do...that's rough!).

3)I'm not as open to change and learning from experience as I was when I got here. At first I was actively seeking areas to improve and lessons to learn as much as possible. Even though I still do that, I am definitely not as intentional or consistent as I was. I need a return to a greater level of humility and to be intentional again.

So there are the three areas that add to the struggle that I experience in this 8th month of my Shelterlife! It's rough, but it is also wonderful. I have learned a lot about people and I have wrestled with some tough questions and learned how to love in greater ways than I ever thought possible.

Here are a few things that I've learned/am learning:

1) Trust, but be ready to forgive. Living in a constant state of distrust is not healthy for you or for those you are trying to reach. Granted, my teens come to me in a position that would cause anyone to naturally distrust them, but for them to grow and heal they need to experience being trusted. This means that I personally have had to live in a state of hyper-trust building. I have to be willing to trust sooner and be ready to talk about why I do or do not trust someone. If there is distrust, I may have to offer concrete advice as to how it can be built, and then respond to any effort that I see being taken.

Life outside of my currently environment requires a different approach, BUT I believe that the base principle holds true. Learn to trust. Don't be shocked when they break that trust. Be willing to forgive.

2) Be yourself. As I once told one of my guys, "living a lie is never healthy." That doesn't mean that you may not need to make changes, ant that doesn't mean you use a current flaw as an excuse. It means that being honest about who you currently are and believe is vital to being healthy and whole and is the only way to achieve real change. Living a two-faced life is not. It is destructive and eventually will break you. Be like the goof balls to the right who took some liberties with my phone lol!

3) Don't be a loner. We need community. We need people. I can't do my job by myself. I can't make it through the week with out turning to one of my fellows staff members/friends for support and feedback. I often feel the temptation to pull away when stressed, angry, or feeling insecure. I have learned, the hard way, that this is not the way to go. It only makes things worse and the weight will crush you. It nearly did me. Thankfully I have some amazing people looking out for me!

4) Christ is everything! Without Christ I would NEVER, EVER be able to do my job! There would be no point in my job! Christ is the one who guides and heals and makes you strong enough. It is so freak'n easy to forget that ESPECIALLY when your job is Christ-centered! Why is that? Because the enemy effin' hates you! You are going to struggle and fight because it more essential for you to remember Christ's control and presence in your life when it's the very thing that you are trying to teach. Fight for your spiritual life above all else and don't be ashamed or afraid of it!

If you don't have that community in your job, look for it outside your job. Make it, build it, seek it out. If you are in ministry and are facing a lack of community and connection (and you are genuinely trying to create it) then it may be time to brush up that resume...


That's all I have! 8 months and going on!

Grace and Peace!!!

Stephen

The Art of Self-Care

One of the biggest challenges I face in life, even as a house parent in an therapeutic boarding school, is self-care. It has been my greatest downfall for many a year and I have suffered the harshness of life in greater measure because of this unfortunate truth. 

My parents SUCKED at self-care, so naturally I wasn't going to learn it from them. My pastors growing up had no concept of it, Hollywood distorts it more than the news distort racial discrimination (Too soon?), and the first time I ever really heard any teaching on it (let alone actually seeing it done) was in college. 

Working at a job that demands the majority of your week, and the nearly all of your sanity, I have had to do some learning in the area of slef-care. After 6 months of this, however, I am still learning how to do it right! 

Here is what I've learned so far:

1) You are the ONLY one responsible for insuring your own health. You  can ask for help and recieve aid, but ultimately it comes down to you. If youur job is preventing that, tell them. They can't help you unless you  make it known. They won't help? Look for a new job. Environment affecting your ability to do this? Change it. You  will not get the care you need unless you take the intitive to get it.

2) Search out what helps you. Humanity is diverse and so is self-care. We each have our own goals, desires, triggers, energy-providers, etc and therefore we each have different needs for health and well-being. There are some basics that help everyone like getting involved in a physical activity, eating healthy, and getting sleep, but the details of each of those is where we begin to express our indiviualty. 

Furthermore, our personailties and temperments have a major say in how we send our time and what activities give us energy. For example, I need quiet time and relaxation. i need calm people and deeper, more intimate conversation from people I love and trust. A dear friend of mine often turns to dancing, talking to randomm strangers, and general goofiness his means of unwinding and re-energizing. 

Neither are wrong. Just different.

3) Set proper boundaries. This is something I really frappin' suck at!!! Saying no to people that I know will not provide me the enrionment i need for self-care, spending too much of my off time with my kids, doing hospital and airport runs on my off time, etc.  These are ways that I fail to set boundaries for myself and thus set myself up for exhaustion and a rough week. Boundaries are an important part of life and society. Without them we run the risk of being used, manipulated, and having the life sucked right out of us (speakign form experience!). While establishing boundaries isn't an easy task, it is definitely one fo the most important ones. 

So there are some of my thoughts on the ambigious, challenging, and esstial topic of self-care!

Grace and Peace,

Stephen