"I Confess..."

Silence. As I sit in the pew of a little brick church building on the outskirts of Savannah, GA I bow my head and let the noiselessness of the room fill me. Locked in a state of reflection, I prepare myself to be vulnerable, honest, and totally exposed. A man in robes enters the room and moves past me to the front of the sanctuary. He places a chair in the center of the altar and sits with his back to me; he quietly meditates and lifts his own prayers to heaven.

After a few more moments of reflection, I slowly approach the front. Kneeling just behind the man, I begin sharing the deepest and darkest truths of my soul in spoken prayer to God. As I render unto God all the sickness of my heart and soul that I can muster out of my memory, the man bears witness to my confession of sin. Then I speak the words signifying that I was finished and robed priest answers in response that I am forgive all my sins. After some words of encouragement, he leaves me to pray in silence as long as my heart would desire. After a time I took my leave, feeling like the weight of the world had been taken off my shoulders and full of life. And thus ended my first experience in participating in a formal confession.

I was very nervous about doing a confession, but it was something that been on my soul to do for quite some time. While I know there are many of my friends and family who will be quite taken aback by my having done this, I believe that it was something impressed upon me by the Holy Spirit to do. So in the confidence that my honesty would be kept secret (and that it was something I need to do) I let my heart pour out and I showed no restraint. In that prayer I spoke of things that I had shared with no living thing.

I know that many will argue about the theology of confessing to a priest, and that's all good-just leave your opinion in the comment section below. I'm writing to share my experience, not to convince anyone of it theologically. Even if you don't believe that it is a necessity to confess to a priest (or pastor, if you're into that sorta thing), you will never know the beauty and relief of having shared your sins with another human being and being accepted regardless of your darkness.

The beauty of going before someone of greater spiritual maturity who has devoted his life to caring for the souls of humanity and sharing the deepest and darkest parts of your being. To stand before God together like a child going before his father to tell him about the window he broke; having his older brother right there beside him to encourage him. And then having both the father and the brother hold him and say "all is forgiven. Let's go fix that window!" That is the beauty and glory of confession.

From this I find relief. Not only in knowing that I have been accepted and given grace by a spiritual director, but also the reality of God's acceptance and love by extent. In seeing that in a human being, I was able to walk in greater certainty of God's forgiveness and grace! In turn I believe I now have a better understanding of humanity and greater capacity for showing grace to fellow humans.

This is my experience and I am incredibly grateful that I yielded myself to the Spirit's leading despite the discomfort and difficulty that I faced in doing so.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Why I Defended a Muslim

I recently wrote a post about Christians being racist and today I got to see the evils of such a reality on a very real and personal level. As I have mentioned before, I once spent a summer in the Middle East and while I was there I taught English to locals.

I have the privilege of still being in contact with many of my students, and I get to have conversations with them from time to time. Today, one of my former students posted a picture that contained a quote from the Qu'ran concerning the Trinity and the divinity of Christ. I had decided that I might respond to this and explain first that Christian belief in the Trinity is in fact a monotheistic belief. Before I could even start writing my comment I had my attention stolen at the site of a comment from that said student asking "what is a durka?"

My stomach dropped and I frantically began reading the other comments. I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of disbelief as I read the comments of these two men that raged against him and made comment after comment loaded with racism, poison, and ignorance. I left a comment for my friend and asked him to forgive the two racists for their comments and for being so blatantly disrespectful. Next thing I knew I found myself defending my Muslim friend against these supposedly "Christian" individuals.

Where ever there is hatred, ignorance, persecution, darkness, or chaos we must stand up and say "NO! This is NOT permissible!"

If I come across a Christian attacking anyone for the color, ethnicity, or religion I will ALWAYS stand up AGAINST them. This is NOT Christ-like in any way, shape, or form! This is evil and ungodly! It is taking the name of God upon oneself in utter vanity and misrepresents the Holy One. It is an affront to the Gospel and worthy of wrath and ruin! Lest they repent, God will most certainly silence them Himself.

Lord, have mercy.

Christ have mercy.

Lord have mercy.

Love God and Love your neighbor as yourself! These things are neither love nor service to God or man! What I saw today was the darkness of humanity and the evils that even those who claim Christ are capable of conjuring. They attacked an innocent man and counted him a murderer and a villain. They struck him with their words and sought to deprive him of dignity and value over his religious devotion. May Christ have mercy on them and forgive them!

God, forgive ALL of us for all of our foolishness and for all we do that dishonors Your Name and leads men astray! Correct Your children and makes us more like You and let us be found above reproach; that we would be Light where there is Darkness, Truth where there is Deceit, Knowledge where there is Ignorance, Peace where their is Chaos, and Life where there is Death!

 Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Wounded? Go Heal

Recently, I read the book The Wounded Healer  by Henri Nouwen. I was deeply moved by his words and began contemplating what it means to be a "wounded healer." Growing up, I believed that one was either the wounded or the healer, and that being both at the same time was contradictory and diminishing of the healing work of the Spirit and the calling to be a minister. How could someone be called to minister to the wounded, and those in the church needing spiritual guidance, be someone that the Holy Spirit has not fully and completely healed and restored?

The truth is that everyone is wounded in one way, shape or form. EVERYONE! Those wounds come a thousand different places: family, friends, strangers, teachers, co-workers, sexual assault, verbal abuse, spiritual manipulation, etc! While we all experience varying levels and quantities of suffering, we all experience it.

So how do we reconcile a hurting world with a "loving" God? By first correcting our understanding of suffering and God's relationship to humanity and our understanding of God's "will".

God does not love suffering.

Suffering is a result of sin.

God USES that suffering and people's sin to reveal Himself and to fight against the Darkness.

God leads us through processes of healing and restoration. Christ was the sacrifice for our sins and the gateway to our being restored to right standing with God! We have to be careful not to get fixated on an attribute of God and draw conclusions of what "should be", but instead realize that there is a mystery and a complexity to God that we can never understand. God loves us! He will end suffering, He will end pain, and He will completely heal, but He has chosen to use His creation and to reveal Himself in incredible ways while He does it! He uses the brokenness of His people and invites us to join Him in the restoration of the World by the power of His Spirit and the cleansing power of His blood! How beautiful is it that we are given this opportunity to walk along side our God and be apart of His work and participate in the Glory that is God's!

With that said, we need to understand that God created us to work in conjunction with others and in the context of community. We as the Church are called to work towards the restoration of the world and of the souls of humanity. We are called to work in the greatest restoration project of all time! We are to be healers in a world of hurt. It doesn't matter that you have been wounded because we all have! Our wounds enable us to connect with others and to share our experiences of God's grace and love.

So go and be a healer and don't fret about your imperfections. Work on your imperfections, but don't let them be a hindrance or an excuse to not act or to engage with those in need.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Simply "Just"

I have noticed a pattern in my thinking when it comes to my thinking about life and in my practice of self-examination. Whenever I have a problem and I am trying to work out a reasoning or solution, I have consistently used the word "just" in my statements. I will saying thing like 'Oh, it's just _____" or "I'm just being _____" or "I need to just do _____ and everything is fine." I consistently give in the temptation to over simplify by saying "just".

The issue of my word usage goes a step further. In my usage of the unjustly used word "just" I not only just simplify the issue at hand, but also diminish it's importance or significance! This is hindrance to my problem solving as it very deceptive in nature. The question I must now ask is, in what other ways have I done this? In what ways have a over simplified or diminished the importance of? Sadly, I think there are many ways that I have done this. Even more so, I think I'm seeing this pattern in American culture, and even in the Church. 

We see this flaw in a lot of the "soul care" that is performed by many of our pastors. Many telling those under their care that they "just need to pray and read their Bibles" or that "it's just a sin issue" and they "just need to repent of that sin", while many times there is a much deeper need that isn't being met. Our families even fall prey to this dark reality in the way parents might address family issues and in training their children. 

We must be careful not to allow ourselves to underestimate the significance of the difficulties and temptation we face, not that which our friends and family members face as well. To not give proper attention and energy to a matter is an injustice, and even sinful, way of treating ourselves and others. Additionally, we must recognize that solutions are rarely ever simple. They are almost always complex and will take time to overcome or solve, if either is ever actually achieved at all. It is a part of the incredible, multifaceted journey to sanctification and wholeness that we all must undertake as followers of the Christ. 

As ministers of the souls of humanity, let us strive not to look down upon the struggles and difficulties of our brothers and sisters, but instead let us hold them with grace; bearing the patience and grace to listen, and to listen well. Lives are at stake; souls that need wholeness and the Light of Christ. 

Simplicity has it's place and it's beauty. Simplicity is real and even needed, but the we must not lose truth and logic in our desire to simplify. It is nice to think that solutions are easy and can be quickly conjured, but if we allow ourselves to think this way then we hinder our healing and restoration as well as the healing an restoration of others. Recognizing that wholeness is often a difficult and complex journey is important for us to accept if we are to carry on and endure the hardship; to resist the weight of discouragement and the sorrow of slow progress. 

I pray that we may all grow to help others and to give ourselves in love, and listen with sincerity and intent to those around us who also suffer from the darkness of sin and it's consequences. 

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Justified Christian Racism?

"And love your neighbor as yourself..."

A few years ago I had the incredible privilege of traveling to the glorious country of Jordan and living among Iraqi refugees and teaching English to Jordanians and Palestinians. In my being there, I learned so much about culture, history, and humanity! Upon my return, however, I began to see an aspect of Christianity that I had never experienced before: racism justified by theology. 

Generally, when one hears the word "racist" they think of a white guy hating on a black guy because the color of his skin, or against a Hispanic for not speaking English very well. What I experienced, however, was very different and arguably worse. I spoke to someone about the possibility of going and being a part of YWAM (Youth with a Mission) and with a big smile he said "Great!", but then suddenly turning to a hard, grim face he said "just don't learn Arabic...don't learn Arabic." 

This was not the last time I heard something like this or experienced this kind of hateful disposition over my having worked with Arabs or desiring to learn Arabic. This distasteful attitude came out of some with incredibly Zionistic trends in their theology and overall worldview. My qualm is not with Christian Zionism, but instead with what is a very common side effect of that tradition: the belief that the enemy of the state of Israel is the enemy of the Church universal. 

There is a strange elitistic belief concerning Jews and Israelis, and more specifically messianic Jews. In my living in Knoxville, I have met people who believe that Messianic Jews are superior in Christ's Kingdom, and this disheartens me greatly! What makes it even worse that I myself used to believe this way and didn't realize it! It is sad that anyone should think less of any ethnicity simply over political issues and theological disposition that glorifies ancestry over the Gospel! Even if they are Christian, they may find themselves being tossed aside by their American brethren because they are seen as anti-Israel (such as the Palestinians in exile). 

The beauty of the cross and the Kingdom of Christ is that it transcends political and geographical borders. It goes beyond genetics, ancestry, dynasties, and time itself! 

One Christ, one baptism, one Church. 

The prejudice of the Church in America far exceeds mere Zionistic hatred of non-Israeli middle easterners. This is merely one way that I have personally experienced and continue to experience form time to time. My tendency is to shy away from confrontation, but I find myself unable to step back from this issue and to not address the unjust, unbiblical, and unChrist-like attitude. 

It is WRONG! Pure and simple. We are to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves, and that means ALL of our neighbors, especially if they are those within the Kingdom of Christ. Kingdom citizenship supersedes all other nationalities and racial backgrounds at all times and all places!

Let us examine our lives (as well as our theological beliefs) to ensure that we are living with Christ above all and that we are honoring the King whom we represent on this world full of racism and hatred between the peoples of the earth. 

Grace and Peace, 

Stephen

 

The Power of Words

“Because even the smallest of words can be the ones to hurt you, or save you.” 

                                                 ― Natsuki Takaya

 I don't know about you, but I find that I am often too quick to speak or to text without first examining my heart and my words. The art of speaking is often lost to those who have chosen to bury them within the deepest parts of their soul for the sake of self-preservation. When that person chooses to come out of darkness and into the light, to rip open their sown lips, he finds himself on a journey to self-expression that is wearisome and tedious.

Words are full of meaning. They form us, define us, and betray us. They are the backbone of relationship and of civilization, and the preface to war and heartbreak. I fail consistently in my words. From time to time my words are dramatic, untruthful, demeaning, soul rendering, or even self-destructive. I too often use words for my selfish gain; to manipulate another to do what I want, to make myself sound superior, etc.

But words are also the key to healing, redemption, reconciliation, and encouragement. It is by words that my friends have encouraged me, rebuked me, and brought life and structure to reality. It is by words that God has used me to speak into the lives of others in true and holy ways. It is by words that I am able to begin the process of healing my broken soul and to grow closer to the God of my salvation. The very God who used words to create the universe, to calm raging seas, and to move the hearts of men.

Let us then seek to use our words less flippantly, but instead with great meaning and intentionality; letting God speak to our souls and to filter our words and our thoughts that we might speak life rather than death. To let Christ govern our lips. May truth, love, and purity come from our lips, and may we also know that sometimes it is best to just remain silent...

To Deserve Love

Love...oh boy. It's a crazy word that gets thrown around like loose change these days, and it seems to come with a variety of forms and meanings. The spectrum of cultural usage of the word covers everything from "Give me sex!" to "I would die for you!" Being individual humans who are affected by experience and emotions, we often misuse and mistranslate the word in it's use. It also doesn't help that we are detached from each other in such a way as to be unable to feel the emotions or hear the thoughts of the speaker.

In my neverending desire to over analyze everything, I started thinking about love and it's biblical definition. It came to my attention that I am no expert on loving. Sin, in it's never ending distortive nature, has greatly diminished my understanding and expression of love. In my pride I even had the thought "I deserve to be loved!" and "After all that I've done for _____ (God, friend, family, etc) I should be loved more than I am!" These are false statements on multiple levels. 

First, love that is given for the sake of love received is, in fact, not love at all! Love is given without expectation of return; anything done with the demand or with the goal of a return is not love. Love is not currency, and therefore you do not spend love for love. If it something that is not to be demanded and, by it's very nature, doesn't demand anything, how can we possible "earn" or "deserve" love" We can't.

A child doesn't earn his/her parents love. Either the child is loved or the child is not loved. Satisfaction and affection is often earned, but love itself is not; satisfaction and affection are often naturally given sub components to one's love for another but can be withheld for personal health and emotional safety from the person they love. 

So knowing that love can not be earned by means of action or the like, we must then begin to look at how we treat others and how we understand Christ's command to "Love God and love your neighbor as yourself." Love is more than chemicals, but it is also action and choice. Love is struggling and wrestling. For some it is easy to give and for some it is not. It is struggle because of sin, but God is sinless! God loves perfectly and without the hindrances of sin and distortion. 

Being that God loves perfectly and we don't, we cannot begin to comprehend the fullness of God's love or the actions that His love produces. It brings a whole new level of awe to the death of our Lord and forces us to rethink about our beliefs about salvation and the relationship between God and man.

God loves us regardless of our actions because our actions do not generate love and that is beautiful reality. We are loved perfectly by the great Creator of the universe despite all our flaws and our sin nature. God choose to bestow upon us His perfect love and out of that love paved a way for us to be reconciled to Him through the cross. The cross is an act of grace. We can rest assured that though God will one day judge our works, our evil will not diminish His love for us.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen