The Life of Clay

Isaiah 45:9-19English Standard Version Anglicised (ESVUK)9 “Woe to him who strives with him who formed him,    a pot among earthen pots!Does the clay say to him who forms it, ‘What are you making?’    or ‘Your work has no handles’?10 Woe to him who says to a father, ‘What are you begetting?’    or to a woman, ‘With what are you in labour?’”11 Thus says the Lord,    the Holy One of Israel, and the one who formed him:“Ask me of things to come;    will you command me concerning my children and the work of my hands?[a]12 I made the earth    and created man on it;it was my hands that stretched out the heavens,    and I commanded all their host.13 I have stirred him up in righteousness,    and I will make all his ways level;he shall build my city    and set my exiles free,not for price or reward,”    says the Lord of hosts.

Recently, I was praying about life and, essentially, complaining to God that everything in my life was wrong. I was, more or less, accusing Him of all that has befallen me and the various aspects of reality that I have had to endure. Truthfully, I have done this for quite some time. It is so easy to begin complaining. It is one thing to share with God what you are going through, but there is a thin lines that separates the prayer said in broken honest and the prayer spoken in bitterness and accusation.

During this same time of prayer I was struck with the memory of the verse stated above. It was then that I was hit with conviction. Recently I was asked "What is [my] relationship with Christ?", to which I was a little insulted and wanted to respond with "He is my God and I am His creation." In my patience I refrained from stating so, but the thought continued to echo in my mind. He is God...and I am His creation. God brought this thought back into my mind as I was praying and combined it with the memory of the words of Isaiah. In the moment I got a divine slap in the face and a fist full of humility. It is not my place to accuse God or to Question His actions in my life. My job is simple: Love Him and love people.

I am to live life and not ask God "why are you doing this to me?" with any other attitude than one of humility and a desire to know the heart of God. So for now, my goal is stop asking "why?" and let Him fashion me. To go and live my life, trusting that He is going to direct my paths.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" --Proverbs 3:5-6

Grace and Peace,

Stephen 

"Saintly" Convictions

A few nights ago I found myself lying on my living room couch feeling rather sorry for myself. The reasons many would consider perfectly legit reasons to be sad or upset, but I've been sad and upset over these for quite some time and I was finally reaching the level of "wallowing in self-pity." I started walking around the room, and then noticed a picture of St. Francis on my table. I flipped it over and discovered the following prayer:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury,pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

I was struck by the words of St. Francis, and found myself convicted by the Holy Spirit concerning my attitude towards life. In the midst of all that I was going through, I allowed myself to become self-centered, as well as self righteous. I hate it when people who are going through a hard time and start talking about Job, but here we go! 

It seems that I am no where near as strong willed as Job was. He endured far more than I can even imagine before falling to self pity, and yet here I am already at that point when I haven't lost a single family member, nor have I lost vast amounts of wealth, and my friends aren't shoving bad theology down my throat-they are shoving theology down my throat...but not bad theology lol. 

In the midst of my weakness, however, God gave me strength and renewed me. Just to make things even better, God-in a great use of irony- takes the man that denied all luxury and gave away his vast riches for the sake of Christ to accomplish something in my life. 

 I had recently been praying that I would learn from testimonies and examples of the Church Fathers and grow in understanding through the actions and teaching of the ancient saints, and God stepped in and did just that. I pray that He continues to teach me and give me strength, for soon I will fail again and crumble under the weight of life's difficulties. 

Peace be with you,

Stephen