How Honest is too Honest?

They say that "honesty is the best policy." Yet honesty is one of the hardest things for humanity to live out, unless of course you are just temperament is to be super direct. At what point does honesty become...too much? 

Honesty doesn't mean saying everything you think and feel, but where do we draw the line? Vulnerability is a necessity of humanity, and yet how vulnerable should one be? At what point does one move from healthy exposure to soul prostitution? Is it merely a matter of the heart and the intentions and expectation in one's giving that determine whether the vulnerability is right or wrong? or is there actually a point where one must cease? Should culture and society define this?

As you can see I have a lot of questions on the matter. 

Lately I have found myself consumed by this subject of honesty. In my never ending quest for wholeness and understanding, I now find this at the forefront of my thoughts. 

Sadly, I must say that I have come to no conclusions and confess my inability to think it all out at this time...and that frustrates the tar out of me! 

It has occurred to me that, like many things that I question about life and reality, that there may not be a clear, black and white answer to my questions. 

Does anyone have any thoughts on the matter? Any resources to look at to shed some light? Feel free to share!!!

Wrestling With Identity

The other day I was sitting in Starbucks trying to relax from a long week and browsing the internet when I got a strange, sudden urge to look something up. I had heard a hundred times that there are scholarships out there for simply being a redhead! Well, in light of my contemplating a return to school to pursue a Master's I decided to go ahead and look it up. That's when I found Redheads Anonymous.

I got a good laugh out of the site, but as I was there I noticed a link to a survey where one could answer questions about being a ginger. Naturally I clicked the link to see what kind of questions I was going to be asked, and I found myself surprised by the questions.

The questions asked about bullying, my feelings towards being redhead, my "relationship" with my hair, etc. They asked about my identity and how being a redhead affected my identity.

Anyone who knew me as a teen knows that I have long wrestled with questions of identity, but rarely gotten anywhere with my questioning. I often found myself going round in circles, bound by the strongholds (see future blog post!) that held me down and kept me enslaved.

My teens that I work with struggle with this as well.

They say teens are supposed to wrestle with identity and start asking those questions as they begin to think more abstractly, but none of my psych books suggest an end date. Worse yet, they offer very little advice in helping to foster these questions other than "encouraging" them to happen.

Here are a few of the identity markers that I've come to realize are important in teens (and adults).

• Race-in a world infected with racism, I often want to avoid this one. The truth is, however, that one's identity is affected by the origins and skin color. We identify with those that are similar to us and build our relationships and culture that way. There is revolution to fight against this because of the racism that often grows out that, but the fact is that it is there. 
• Race 2.0-for me, race affects me differently. Being a ginger I am a subcategory of the White people and, in many cases, the "reject" of the white race or the "special" of the Whites...kinda depends on who you're talking to haha! My identity has genuinely affected by my hair color, but more so as a child than as an adult, but the affects it had in my early years grew into adulthood. 
• Age/youthfulness-we find a lot of our identity in our age and, by default, our peers of the same age. 
• Citizenship/Country of Birth- you are fooling yourself if you think that your country of birth doesn't have an affect on you. the culture you were raised in has the first and foremost affect, but I don't know a single person who hasn't thought upon the country of their birth found a measure of their identity in that. I know several teens that have been adopted from another country, and even though they grew up here in the states, they have made a connection back to their roots in Haiti, Jamaica, etc. 
• Religion-your faith is a huge identity shaper! Unlike race, it is not a physical issue, but a metaphysical issue. It is not something treated the same way and more wholly affects your lifestyle and choices than that of the skin and facial feature. It is the greatest identity changer of them all!

These are all things that I've had to face a teen and as a young adult. As a teen, however, I was not able to bridge the gap from questioning to answering. Even in college I struggled to come to real, solid conclusions about who I was as a person. I had to do a lot of growing, developing, and healing before I was able to accomplish this. 

Now I sit here, an adult, asking new questions of identity. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What is my "thing"? What do I have to offer my community? What are my priorities in life? 

Here is a glimpse of me:

I, Stephen Dewane Green II, am a single redheaded Christian from Tennessee with a B.A. in Christian Ministry and I currently work as a Direct Care Staff at Shelterwood Academy. I am in Christ. I am human. I am healing. I am searching. I am loved. I like art. I love people. I am someone's middle child and someone else's oldest child. I am angry. I am hurt. I am forgiving. I am sensitive. I am compassionate. I am giving. I am thoughtful. I am a hard worker. I am undisciplined. I am trying my best to not compare myself to others. I am going to change the world. 

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

What 8 Months of Ministry Taught Me and More!

Today marks my 8th month in "high-action youth ministry"! Or at least, that's what I like to call it! Being a Direct Care Staff at a Christian therapeutic boarding school can hardly be simplified any other way!

I am not as happy as I was when I first started, but I am happy. The reason for this decrease can be found in a variety of reasons.

1) Gah I'm tired! Up until this last break I didn't realize how freak'n tired I was! 80+ hours a week takes its toll, and the truth is that I must endure a great deal on the daily from teens who wish they could have met me somewhere else for a completely different reason than being sent to this school. Haha! Which leads to number...

2) My relationships with my teens is constantly in flux. They don't want to be here. They have stuff they are working through. I have stuff I am working through. I am their friend, but I am also their authority. Perfect combination for tension. I could be talking through some heart issues with a guy one night and then be cussed out the next for having to call them out on a rule; suddenly I am their worst enemy and we might not talk for a week (for people who see each other and spend as much time together as we do...that's rough!).

3)I'm not as open to change and learning from experience as I was when I got here. At first I was actively seeking areas to improve and lessons to learn as much as possible. Even though I still do that, I am definitely not as intentional or consistent as I was. I need a return to a greater level of humility and to be intentional again.

So there are the three areas that add to the struggle that I experience in this 8th month of my Shelterlife! It's rough, but it is also wonderful. I have learned a lot about people and I have wrestled with some tough questions and learned how to love in greater ways than I ever thought possible.

Here are a few things that I've learned/am learning:

1) Trust, but be ready to forgive. Living in a constant state of distrust is not healthy for you or for those you are trying to reach. Granted, my teens come to me in a position that would cause anyone to naturally distrust them, but for them to grow and heal they need to experience being trusted. This means that I personally have had to live in a state of hyper-trust building. I have to be willing to trust sooner and be ready to talk about why I do or do not trust someone. If there is distrust, I may have to offer concrete advice as to how it can be built, and then respond to any effort that I see being taken.

Life outside of my currently environment requires a different approach, BUT I believe that the base principle holds true. Learn to trust. Don't be shocked when they break that trust. Be willing to forgive.

2) Be yourself. As I once told one of my guys, "living a lie is never healthy." That doesn't mean that you may not need to make changes, ant that doesn't mean you use a current flaw as an excuse. It means that being honest about who you currently are and believe is vital to being healthy and whole and is the only way to achieve real change. Living a two-faced life is not. It is destructive and eventually will break you. Be like the goof balls to the right who took some liberties with my phone lol!

3) Don't be a loner. We need community. We need people. I can't do my job by myself. I can't make it through the week with out turning to one of my fellows staff members/friends for support and feedback. I often feel the temptation to pull away when stressed, angry, or feeling insecure. I have learned, the hard way, that this is not the way to go. It only makes things worse and the weight will crush you. It nearly did me. Thankfully I have some amazing people looking out for me!

4) Christ is everything! Without Christ I would NEVER, EVER be able to do my job! There would be no point in my job! Christ is the one who guides and heals and makes you strong enough. It is so freak'n easy to forget that ESPECIALLY when your job is Christ-centered! Why is that? Because the enemy effin' hates you! You are going to struggle and fight because it more essential for you to remember Christ's control and presence in your life when it's the very thing that you are trying to teach. Fight for your spiritual life above all else and don't be ashamed or afraid of it!

If you don't have that community in your job, look for it outside your job. Make it, build it, seek it out. If you are in ministry and are facing a lack of community and connection (and you are genuinely trying to create it) then it may be time to brush up that resume...


That's all I have! 8 months and going on!

Grace and Peace!!!

Stephen

Is It Relevant???

I am re-reading the book "The Wounded Healer" by Henri Nouwen and it is cutting me deep. I am challenged by his words as he implores his readers to consider the culture, technology, and philosophy that is infecting the hearts of humanity. He asks the hard question "what does it mean to be a minister to this arising generation?"

Well, this generation has arisen and that very question is being asked all over the globe. What does it mean to minister to this generation? All around we hear the muttered question "is it relevant?" and pastors, prophets, and Popes are turning to the People of Darkness to ask them what would be the best way for the People of Light to act in order to maintain the illusion that the Church is evangelizing without fear of butting heads.

Now, I do not believe that intentionally butting heads is a proper alternative, nor do I believe that making the Church conform its practices to the petty selfishness of western culture is the accurate response either. To go to either extreme is foolish and a misrepresentation of the Gospel of Christ.

I found that I needed to stop, take a step back, and look at the whole of my actions and beliefs and look for the discontinuity between the two. I am utterly guilty of living out a broken gospel. I learned the hard way what was needed out of the ministers of today. Not fiery messages about eternity, not pleas to support a foreign government, not lessons on the importance of tithing, not  fancy lights and energetic music that reflects the style of the age, or the cliche advisement to pray and to read. What good is reading without understanding, a job without training, or action without wisdom to give guidance?

Do not misunderstand. I am not suggesting that Christian Rap or Christian Rock, or whatever Christianized genre you listen to is wrong. Nonetheless, I could argue that the poor quality found within them is far more sinful than anything I've heard on Top 40 radio in the past 5 years.

What the Church needs is for her leaders to wake up to the needs of the body. The body is sick and the physicians are too busy trying to revive the dead rather than heal the sick trying to stay alive. The culture is screaming out for answers and understanding, but what words have we when we refuse to engage in our own lives and dive deep into the inner self and to navigate the darkness in our souls? What hope can we possibly give to those suffering from shadow when we ignore our own shadows and pretend that all that is within us is Light?

We are not Light! Christ is our Light and we are to become Light, but instead of moving our hearts to a place of reflection and meditation, we shame those of discipline and accuse the contemplative of being ineffective in the World.

I now seek to live this more contemplative life. It is the only way that I can truly engage with those in Darkness, to those in need of answers and guidance, to those in need of Christ.

I believe it's time to reevaluate our understanding of Christ's command to be "in the world but not of it." We are not only of the World...we are far too disconnected to be remotely "in it."

It's time for the Church to be real, not relevant.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen