Out Of Tune

Life is hectic! It seems like I'm always on the go and trying to accomplish some task or another. Half the time I haven't got a clue if I'm doing things right and I'm having to submit myself to a great deal of trial and error.

My spiritual life is no different. I am continually striving for greater spiritual growth and maturity, and I often do not feel that I'm living a life that pleases God. I am essentially stating that I am sub-par, valueless, displeasing to, and unloved by God. Yet I hold this double standard that God loves the very person I believe to be the worst and lowest of humanity. Messed up, no?

This is a significant lie that is interwoven into my thought processes. That is indeed what it is: a LIE. 

Sunday I was driving the school van and taking a handful of our kids to a local church. On the way there, my friend/co-worker reached over and turned on the radio to a local Christian station. As the music filled the car, I noticed something else along side the voice of the artist. It was the sound of one of my students sitting behind me; singing out confidently along with the radio. His voice cracked, he sang out of tune, and he didn't know half of the words but that didn't stop him from trying to sing every single line. With every error and with every inaccurate note I found myself smiling more and more as joy filled my heart. 

Then the Spirit struck my heart. 

I could hear the Spirit saying, "This is the joy I feel every day with you. I don't care that you sing it wrong, just keep singing." 

We have a goal that we strive for, but the truth is that we are human and we fail. In the words of Denzel Washington in the movie The Equalizer, "Progress...not perfection." 

Everyday we live out our lives in a struggle to overcome our brokenness and pain, every stumbling along the path to healing. Christ walks with us and listens as we, mere babes in the faith, seek to mutter the language of life and redemption; as we move from a crawl to a run. He does not look down on us with contempt at our stumbling over words or our tripping over our own feet. No, He looks upon us with great joy at every failed attempt because every failure means a lesson learned and an attempt made toward holiness. 

So keep singing out of tune. Sing out at the top of your lungs every misplaced note and mutter every forgotten word! Sing until you can hear the pitch changes and until the rhythm of holiness and grace have been integrated into your very soul. 

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

Failing with Community

Last week I was talking to a close friend and he was expressing a great deal of pain over having  lost a job that he put forth a significant amount of effort and time to keep. He refused to tell anyone in the church he was attending or any of his closest friends in the area, save for me, what had happened. There in a car steadily cruising down 4th street, he spilled many bitter tears and he said, "I can't face them...I can't tell them that I failed."

As I sat in the car with him I felt my heart break with him. Sadly, I had not the words to encourage him. In fact, it seemed as though he simply would not hear the words I had to say. Sentences worked their way past my teeth as I tried to share and partake in his burden, to be there with him, but every time  I was thwarted in my attempt at being a friend and member of his community with words of pain that stated "you don't understand!", "I'm not like you, I'm not as smart as you", "I can't let them know, I just can't!", etc. It is not a shocker though. This is a common issue. I've seen this my entire life, and I have often behaved the same way. How do you tell the people you love and respect that you failed? How do you face disappointing those you look up to?

There lies a flaw in our understanding of relationship and community. In fact, the answer to my friend's struggle was simple. He merely had to remember that the ones that he held close in community love him. That's huge! It makes all the difference in the world to remember that the ones we love do love us in return. If they do not love us and respect us, then what reason have we to want to please them? And if they truly love us, then why must we fear their response at our failing?

Failure is an element of life that everyone experiences and every one hates, but not everyone deals with it well. I have personally struggled with the harshness of failure, even though since I was but a child I have struggled and fought to avoid failure. Sadly this left me refusing to partaking in activities or taking risks because of my fear of failure and overwhelming desire to avoid it.

Community-true community- exists as a living organism of relationship and love. This means that community is our primary source of support when we do fail, and if community fails to be there for us in the darkest eras of our lives, then it is a false community. Know and be known-that is the prerogative of community. If we are their for others in their pains, but refuse to share our own then we are knowing but not being known. Community shares the joys and the sufferings of life; not just the joys. If we choose not to share our sufferings with our communities, then we are guilty of denying them the fullness of ourselves in community; we become the wound, the void in that living organism. We deny them the right of knowing us fully, but even worse is the denial of the opportunity to be Christ in our lives!

If my friend could move past his fear and his pride, he could be dwelling in a place of security, safety, and love. Now, don't think I'm being insensitive to my friend. I recognize how hard it is to open up and be vulnerable, and I'm glad that he shared his pain with me! It is important to understand, however, that if he would only reach out to the rest of his community in which he has previously been so intimately connected with, he would experience the healing and support of community that is of Christ; through which Christ would speak to his heart and bring him life, encouragement, and love! I speak from experience in this matter, having refused to turn to others in the midst of darkness. As a result, I suffered more than was necessary and left myself susceptible to prolonged, undue sorrow; discouragement; and loneliness.

Remember, if your community truly loves you then they will want to be there for you! In fact, they might even find themselves hurt by your refusing to share. If they are not willing to be their for you or show you live, then it is time to recognize that you are in a false community and it is time to move on to find a true community of believers.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen