Resist the Dark

Some mornings I wake up feeling like I am drowning in unseen shadow. It's heavy and sticky like Savannah humidity, but it rests on the soul rather than the skin.

It's mornings like these when I ask God, "where are You? What is the purpose of all this?"

God never leaves me. He has proven that over and over. Logic stands that He never will either. Yet my gut says I'm alone and my thoughts follow suit. If I'm not careful, I'll wander in the fog for days.

Being a person who has wrestled with mental health for over half my life and has worked in the mental health field for three years, I have a great deal of experience. Which means that I, more than most, am aware of how little I know about how my brain works and how to heal my heart.

What I do know is that by remaining silent about my struggle and by not calling it for what it is, I am only hurting myself.

I often led my students to name their struggles. I wanted them to identify what they were feeling and thinking; to do everything they could to discern and anchor their emotions. To not hide their "ish."

I did this knowing how difficult it is to be honest with oneself, let alone another human. I'm right there with them. But I also know how much it needs to happen to experience change and growth. So I pushed them just as I push myself.

I'm never going to have all the answers, but I know that if we fight we will win.

You may be stuck right now. You might resonate with my words. Don't give up, love. Don't let darkness win. You're too valuable to be it's trophy.

Grace and Peace,

Stephen 

Sand and Soul

Going With The Flow

Imagine a pile of sand.

Slowly pour water onto the sand. What happens?

The water builds up, but then starts to flow away. As it flows, the water finds the path easier and easier to follow and will continue along the path that it has created. Eventually, the water will carry away the sand and solidify the forged path. Future water will walk the same trail as the pioneer water before them.

Your thought patterns work in a very similar fashion.

As a child, you were exposed to ideas, beliefs, and experiences. As your brain sought to process these things, thought began to flow in various directions. Like the water.

Regardless of accuracy, the thought pattern developed; eventually carving the path for the filter by which you would understand the world.

Crazy right?!

Here is a real life example.

"I Hate Myself"

No, seriously. I do.

Some time ago, I developed this thought pattern. Experiences and how I interpreted what I was being told led to the conclusion that I am a bad person-a broken person.

Then my thoughts took other paths, leading to the conclusion that I was unintelligent, ugly, boring, and unlovable.

"Everyone hates me" became a regular conclusion in my life.

"Everyone will eventually betray me" was another.

As an adult, I've had incredible friendships that have stepped into fight back against these false beliefs. The problem is that I have believed them so long and dwelt on them so much that I have some pretty deep thought trenches in my head.

I must now face the challenge of forging new paths for the water to flow, while also dealing with the fact that the water is still trying to deepen the paths already set.

Fighting Back

Metaphors can only take us so far to help us understand the truths of life. The development of thought patterns is far more complex than water on the sand. It is deeply influenced by our temperament, our nutrition, our community, and a hundred other things.

We are affected my the emotional stability of our families.

We are influenced by the DNA that was imparted to us.

It can be beneficial to know the sources, but it isn't necessary in most cases. What is important is you...

a) Identify the pattern or belief as false
b) Choose to fight against it at all costs
c) Surround yourself with healthy(er) community

To Be Continued...

Now that you know a little more about the sources and creation of false belief I hope that you can begin the journey to self care. Next time I'll share more about the challenges of thought recovery and my experience thereof.

Until then...

Grace and Peace,

Stephen

A Generation Apart

Checklist

Ok let see here...

1. Blog with abstract title - Check
2. Independent coffee shop - Check
3. Thrift store hat - Check
4. Minimal amount is savings - Check
5. Shirt supporting third world development - Check
6. Classic wooden pipe - Check
7. Flip flops - Check
8. Stockpile of angst - Check

Yep....it's official. I'm a Millennial. 

I thought I might avoid stereotypes and forge my own identify, only to find that I became the same as the rest of my generation. Whoops! 

Trees and Their Apples

Each generation has its identifiers. Their little quirky attributes and stereotypes that follow them to the grave. Most of the time, these identifiers are clothing or dance styles. Or whatever addiction is most popular at the time.

I think my generation is addicted to being angsty and starting arguments.

Granted, every generation has rebelled against something. Mine just has unlimited resources for pushing out opinions and ideas that other generations didn't have. Like Facebook and Twitter. 

Sadly, the newest generation is suffering our decisions just as much, if not more, than we suffered the decisions of those who have come before us. 

Social media has changed the way we interact with each other and has fed our anxieties and fears. Narcissism is at an all time high. Porn is rampant. And we wonder why there are more STDs than ever,  why rape is increasing, or why youth don't seem to have any self-respect. Or respect in general. 

We can sit here and talk about how the GenX and GenY groups have destroyed our nation and the economy, but what about what we are doing to our world.

Let's Get to Work

It's time to stop complaining and start renovating. We want our elders to accept responsibility for their choices, but if we wait for that then we may never see the changes we crave. And if we don't own our faults, the GenZ is really going to suffer!