Today has been one of those days where I actually feel like 22 year old. Most of the time I feel like a 40 year old that is 16 years old. So in my tradition of first sharing a bizzare and somewhat parradoxical statement, I will now explain what I mean.
Sometimes I think I hit my midlife crisis extremely early, but how I precieve family life is that existence is much like when I was 16 and first started to gain any independance and figure out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. In the area of dependance, therefore, it as if I'm still a teenager, but how much I think about death and meaning leads me to question my purpose for existence much like that of a middle aged man.
Honestly it's a very messed up way of living and precieving the world. Today I am living in a completely different way. So it is a nice vacation from the dysfunctional mindset that I have found myself in of late. Today I did not worry about the fact that time is running short for my life, not did I feel like a teenager trapped under the authority of his parents. I was a 22 year old adult.
I think what led to this was a visit to a Baha'i temple. My mom is in a Religion and Psychology class for school and is required to write a paper on her visits to two religious services that she is unfamiliar with. She chose to visit a local Baha'i group and asked me to join her. After the service she engaged in conversation with a couple of the people their and asked her questions while I went down stairs to have coffee with the others. There I was able to ask my own questions and engage in conversation with other adults who valued my opinion and appreciated my honesty and curiosity.
While I disagreed with many of their beliefs, I appreciated being able to have real conversation with others, much like I was able to do with the sheikhs in the Jordan. Some how, this helped bring about the security and independence that I needed to see in myself. I need to see that I am more than just a wallflower, but instead I can engage with adults of other backgrounds, histories, cultures, and even religions without the help of another or the security of a friend of family member to fall back on for support. It's nice to feel and act one's own age.
Sometimes I think I hit my midlife crisis extremely early, but how I precieve family life is that existence is much like when I was 16 and first started to gain any independance and figure out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. In the area of dependance, therefore, it as if I'm still a teenager, but how much I think about death and meaning leads me to question my purpose for existence much like that of a middle aged man.
Honestly it's a very messed up way of living and precieving the world. Today I am living in a completely different way. So it is a nice vacation from the dysfunctional mindset that I have found myself in of late. Today I did not worry about the fact that time is running short for my life, not did I feel like a teenager trapped under the authority of his parents. I was a 22 year old adult.
I think what led to this was a visit to a Baha'i temple. My mom is in a Religion and Psychology class for school and is required to write a paper on her visits to two religious services that she is unfamiliar with. She chose to visit a local Baha'i group and asked me to join her. After the service she engaged in conversation with a couple of the people their and asked her questions while I went down stairs to have coffee with the others. There I was able to ask my own questions and engage in conversation with other adults who valued my opinion and appreciated my honesty and curiosity.
While I disagreed with many of their beliefs, I appreciated being able to have real conversation with others, much like I was able to do with the sheikhs in the Jordan. Some how, this helped bring about the security and independence that I needed to see in myself. I need to see that I am more than just a wallflower, but instead I can engage with adults of other backgrounds, histories, cultures, and even religions without the help of another or the security of a friend of family member to fall back on for support. It's nice to feel and act one's own age.
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