It's hard to love people well some days. After giving a thousand reminders to complete one task or another, giving all that you have just to hear someone say that it isn't enough, or redirecting a student for the same thing that you have had to redirect him for every day for the past month it can become borderline impossible to love people.
You ask, "Am I not loved? Am I not wanted?"
That's rough. There isn't glory and prestige in that. There is often very little recognition for it either. But it is beautiful and needed. The important things usually come with some form of discomfort.
Just as the farmer battles the Sun and pestilence & the sea-man wars against the wind and the waves, so must I navigate the struggles of loving others in spite of their false-beliefs and tendencies to cave into negative peer pressure.
Do I feel unappreciated? Yes. Is that the real issue? No. The real issue is that I'm tired and I really just want to see that all my effort isn't for nothing. I want to know that I'm spending my time and energy well and not wasting anything. I want to know that my boys are going to go back to their homes and live successful lives and be happy, and I want to enjoy the fullness of community and relationship with them and others around me. Those are the real issues.
Ultimately I crave to love others well, and when I remember that and set my heart back in line I find that I do just that. Then I am healthy; then I am happy.
Grace and Peace,
Stephen
You ask, "Am I not loved? Am I not wanted?"
Trap set. Slowly step in. Snagged.
Pride and self-service engaged.
When I'm really tired and facing the trials of residential service, I have a tendency to reach a point where I stop focusing on why I'm in the industry to begin with. I lose motivation and become locked up in myself. "I don't get enough off time", "I'm not appreciated for what I do so obviously I'm not needed or wanted here", and "I'm not being supported" are all cries for help that actually dance around the real issues at hand. I hear staff say it all the time, but the fact is that even after 2 years of working in the same field I too still fall into that same trap they do.
I make the mistake of misplacing the source of my own value and I too forget the reason I move half way across the country: to love and serve teens in need.
Not a simple or incredibly joy-filled position really. It's easy to love destitute, impoverish children in foreign lands for a week, but middle to upper class white boys with entitlement and a set of clothes valued higher than your monthly pay for months and months at a time? Nah.
That's rough. There isn't glory and prestige in that. There is often very little recognition for it either. But it is beautiful and needed. The important things usually come with some form of discomfort.
Just as the farmer battles the Sun and pestilence & the sea-man wars against the wind and the waves, so must I navigate the struggles of loving others in spite of their false-beliefs and tendencies to cave into negative peer pressure.Do I feel unappreciated? Yes. Is that the real issue? No. The real issue is that I'm tired and I really just want to see that all my effort isn't for nothing. I want to know that I'm spending my time and energy well and not wasting anything. I want to know that my boys are going to go back to their homes and live successful lives and be happy, and I want to enjoy the fullness of community and relationship with them and others around me. Those are the real issues.
Ultimately I crave to love others well, and when I remember that and set my heart back in line I find that I do just that. Then I am healthy; then I am happy.
Grace and Peace,
Stephen
