3:30 AM is fast approaching and I feel tired, but sleep evades me. I can't shut my mind off! Unable to pin down my thoughts and escape the welling emotions I had no choice but to get out of bed and walk. I am restless.
Tonight I feel the looming presence of an old enemy, or was he my friend? Looking back I think I acted as if both were true.
Depression...that blasted distant relative you don't expect to show up then suddenly you look up to find sitting at your dinner table.
I'm nearing two years of residential care, proceeded by years of volunteer youth min work and internships and a degree in loving people....and yet I too continue to struggle with the very things I'm helping my students go through. I'm often able to see depression coming and am able to ignore him when he comes ringing the doorbell...but there are some nights when I open the door without checking and by the time I know it's him it's too late to slam the door in his face!
I sit in the uncertainty of the future, and even of the present.
I wrestle with my sense of value and worth, and I ask God to help me now. In the midst of my pain, I pray that He reaches down and touches my broken, aching heart.
If you're out there feeling this way and reading this, please...please don't give up. Don't give into the darkness that seeks to seduce you and break your spirit. Fight with me. Fight against all shadows.
Open up and let the light in....it's going to be ok.
Grace and Peace,
Stephen
Tonight I feel the looming presence of an old enemy, or was he my friend? Looking back I think I acted as if both were true.
Depression...that blasted distant relative you don't expect to show up then suddenly you look up to find sitting at your dinner table.I'm nearing two years of residential care, proceeded by years of volunteer youth min work and internships and a degree in loving people....and yet I too continue to struggle with the very things I'm helping my students go through. I'm often able to see depression coming and am able to ignore him when he comes ringing the doorbell...but there are some nights when I open the door without checking and by the time I know it's him it's too late to slam the door in his face!
I sit in the uncertainty of the future, and even of the present.
I wrestle with my sense of value and worth, and I ask God to help me now. In the midst of my pain, I pray that He reaches down and touches my broken, aching heart.
If you're out there feeling this way and reading this, please...please don't give up. Don't give into the darkness that seeks to seduce you and break your spirit. Fight with me. Fight against all shadows.
Open up and let the light in....it's going to be ok.
Grace and Peace,
Stephen
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