I hate being sick. I feel gross, achy, hot and cold at the same time, and it sucks.
I'm hard on myself for my level of performance in life without being sick, but with my ability to function normally on the downside I'm feeling it more. I hate letting people down. I hate feeling like I'm not carrying my weight or contributing. Even more so, I hate giving myself credit for what I do right.
I want to be noticed and I want to be affirmed in my work, but I never give it to myself. Why? the easy answer is: I don't love myself enough. The complex answer is that I don't allow myself to rest in the truth that God loves me.
I had a youth pastor that once said, "If you love God you will get to know Him, and as you get to know Him you will begin to love what He loves. He loves people, and He loves you."
A profound lesson that I keep having to relearn.
My love for God will eventually lead to my love of self.
Am I saying that I don't love God? No. Am I saying that I don't know God? Absolutely. This is evidenced by my continual struggle to love myself, and even to love others from time to time.
I'm a work in progress, and I know that as I keep pursuing God will keep revealing. God uses times like these to draw my attention to this reality. Out of my weakness, He is made strong. Out of my sickness, He reveals truth about my nature and my need to love Him and to be closer to Him.
Today, I will allowance myself grace for my lack. To accept my current struggle and not beat myself up. God granted me this grace in my sickness to be able to learn even now. And for that, I am grateful.
Grace and peace,
Stephen
I'm hard on myself for my level of performance in life without being sick, but with my ability to function normally on the downside I'm feeling it more. I hate letting people down. I hate feeling like I'm not carrying my weight or contributing. Even more so, I hate giving myself credit for what I do right.
I want to be noticed and I want to be affirmed in my work, but I never give it to myself. Why? the easy answer is: I don't love myself enough. The complex answer is that I don't allow myself to rest in the truth that God loves me.
I had a youth pastor that once said, "If you love God you will get to know Him, and as you get to know Him you will begin to love what He loves. He loves people, and He loves you."
A profound lesson that I keep having to relearn.
My love for God will eventually lead to my love of self.
Am I saying that I don't love God? No. Am I saying that I don't know God? Absolutely. This is evidenced by my continual struggle to love myself, and even to love others from time to time.
I'm a work in progress, and I know that as I keep pursuing God will keep revealing. God uses times like these to draw my attention to this reality. Out of my weakness, He is made strong. Out of my sickness, He reveals truth about my nature and my need to love Him and to be closer to Him.
Today, I will allowance myself grace for my lack. To accept my current struggle and not beat myself up. God granted me this grace in my sickness to be able to learn even now. And for that, I am grateful.
Grace and peace,
Stephen
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