"I'm Ashamed"

Today I listened to an audio file for one of my classes at school. the topic of the lecture was "shame." I took some time to think about this topic...and I have discovered that I deal with an underlying sense of shame in my life. Unlike guilt, shame is not directly linked to morality, but it does come from a sense of having fallen short. So whats my issue with this? In this day and age, people have made for themselves constructs of what it means to be a hero or to be sufficient...and then their minds wander and they build an unrealistic standard of value for humanity, but specifically for themselves. So what I've deduced is that I have set myself a standard by which NO man can reach, and I'm left with a buzzing sense of shame.

With a little more analyzing, I can point out various ways that I have projected my shame of myself onto others, making it as though they feel the same way about me as I do. This could easily be labeled as self-deceit, and it is, of course, unfair to my friends and family since this in turn affects how I treat them. Even better is that there is nothing I can do about this. I can treat the "symptoms" and "side-effects" by having myself do mindset exercises...but lets be honest, that isn't really going to solve anything.

So now I am left in a place of honesty, admitting that I cannot overcome this by anything that I have or can do...I truly am left to trust in God concerning this matter and I have no other option...no plan B. Either God delivers me from my "shame" or I will be left to deal with it until my death and all my being is sanctified. Being left facing these two realities...I say that I will trust God to be faithful and to be loving to one of His own, believing that He will not turn His face from me forever and He will deliver me from my plight long before the grave rises to take my flesh. 

"Run, Sinner, Run"

Recently I was listening to a man talk about music, and during his talk he played several songs for us to demonstrate his point. there was one song in particular that I was rather enjoying, at least i was until the third verse that stated "Run, sinner, run. Find a hiding place" and it said this three times. I wonder about the appropriateness of having a second person, direct address statement to sinners about hiding from the wrath of God. While it is very much a reality for sinners, is it proper or worshipful to directly address them in a song and tell them to flee? Worship should honor God...to give Him praise or to speak of His attributes. Even songs that call people to worship or to holiness and repentance can be considered acceptable in a service...but can this be?

I laughed at the obscurity and what appeared to be a strange shift in the song, but then felt as though I should be singing the song in utter sadness for the sinner (rather than the slightly jovial attitude that I experienced) or be angry that it was in the song at all...that it inspired people to be like pharisees and look down on sinners.

So to summarize:
1) I question the relevance and appropriateness of such statements.
2) I question the relevance and appropriateness of directly addressing sinners in a Church service (given my biased perspective that a worship service is for the believer, not the unbeliever).
3) I question the attitude in which it was presented

So what do you think?

Dream Big

Yesterday I was in the car with a very dear friend, giving her a ride to Chattanooga. She was talking about the future and talking about oppositions that arise against what she wants to do. Then she told me about a conversation she had had with one of our professors that really struck a chord with me. She told me about how the prof had told her that her dreams weren't big enough. Woah...blunt right? but he was right, and she admitted it.

Dreams not big enough...yeah...I'm there too. It is something that I've been realizing but it took someone actually saying those words for it to hit home...and they weren't even said to me! So what are my dreams? What do I want to do? I think a great tragedy for my life would be for me to live out my life with dreams that were so small that I did nothing, rather than to have dreams so big I couldn't do them. So I choose to Dream big! The Apostles dreamed big...they dreamed of a world that followed Christ and worshiped the one true God! No, they didn't see the world fully come to Christ, but if their dream had been just to see Jerusalem evangelized, then where would we be today?

I can rest assured that God is sovereign, I am His human and He is my God, and that because I love and trust Him that He will not let me be disgraced or brought to shame for His namesake, though He chastise me and correct me in ways that are difficult and seem relentless. God has been changing me on the inside by the work of His Holy Spirit within me...changing my thoughts and my desires for life. I know that He will lead me and if I dream big He will guide those dreams to fulfilling His purpose for me. Will I make mistakes? Of course. Will I dishonor and disobey? Yes, though my desire is to not do so.

So what are my dreams? I dream of traveling the world, of easing the pain and suffering of thousands of people, of being a living presentation of the Gospel to people of dozens of nationalities, of mentoring and discipling people to a strong walk with Christ, of making a difference in a world gone mad. I dream of one day being a professor that teaches people how to process the world and to serve others and live biblically. I dream of writing book about my experiences and challenging people by what I write and encouraging them to do something great. Today...I let myself dream. One day I'll look back and see that my dreams have changed, but I will keep counting the stars...keep dreaming of something big for the future. 

"Why I DON'T Hate Religion..." A Sequel

I was going through a blog that I enjoy reading and discovered a link to this video. I have to say that I was very much impressed and had to post the video!

Enjoy! 

The Final Stretch

Ok...so over the course of the last 3.5 years, I have dedicated my life to semi-serious study of Youth Ministry, Theology, and Liberal Arts. I say "semi" because I've severely lacked the motivation and focus that I should have had during my time at my college. While I could point fingers and give a list of excuses and reasons for this that would compete with Schindler's (moderate exaggeration) ...I must look past all that, swallow my pride and say "I'm guilty." So what now?

As I begin my final semester of college, I reflect and see that I have grown and matured so much. I have gone on this long journey to find myself, and I have discovered a man that God has given life and divine breath...a man that God has gifted uniquely; designed to struggle and strive with reality and with himself...as well as with God...but there is grace. In my falling short, God gives me strength and direction. Right now God is shifting me out of my comfort, and convicting me of my sin...my pride. ]

I have the opportunity to do a lot in this world, to look past my own minuscule plans and realize that God has a few plans of His own that are going to override mine. To resist this might result in my being swallowed by an enormous fish for a period of time, or even lead me to an early grave. In my referencing Jonah...I'm not in any way designating me the role of a prophet. No, that is hardly my role in this world. But God has given me gifts and desires to go into this world and be a light, to be His disciple and be an example to the World of who Christ is.

My desire is to not waste the years that God has laid out for me...to see God's world and to see His creation, but to also teach those uneducated in the ways of Christ, to ease the pain of those who suffer, to show love to the hurting, and to be a leader to those who cannot lead themselves. To help bring reunification to the holy catholic (small "c"-Universal) Church that has been ravaged by theological wars and petty differences.

I can't sit in this anymore and just let the world pass me by! May God give me strength and wisdom and lead me to do His will through all circumstances and events of life. May I decrease and He increase.