Leadership
begins in the home. How can a man be a leader in the church if he cannot be a
leader to his own family and, first and foremost, his own wife? Mark and Grace
Driscoll have written, what I would say is, a most excellent book concerning
the topic of marriage. It is an important topic, especially with the numbers of
divorces on the rise in (and out) of the Church.
I greatly appreciated the Driscoll
duo’s honesty and openness in talking about their marriage and sharing their
struggles and pains that they have had to deal with in life. This is a great
strength to the book because it allows the audience to connect the couple. We
see that they aren’t just spurting out information, but instead that they have
had the experience of a rough marriage to go along with the academic knowledge.
Mark and Grace Driscoll have opened up and laid everything out for the world to
see, showing that they too are human beings and that they haven’t had a perfect
marriage, but that they have overcome the struggles through the aid of the Holy
Spirit.
A second strength to the book is
the natural ability to communicate which is found in both of the authors. It is
always a pleasure to read a book by someone who is able to articulate their
words and clearly structure their thoughts, and Mark and Grace are no exception
to this. Mark and Grace did not simply through down random words and thoughts;
they have clearly taking the time to do their research and to structure their
book.
A third strength to the book was
the topic matter, as well as the Driscoll duo’s attention to theology and
biblical doctrine. While the book wasn’t just drenched in scripture, there was
some and there was obviously a great deal of care taken to make sure that they
didn’t state anything that was heretical. In talking about what a couple can
and cannot do in the bed (yeah, they took the time and care to talk about that
stuff too), they did everything from a biblical stand point and asked the
questions “Is it lawful?” and “Is it helpful?” These are fundamental questions
for filtering out what is acceptable and what is unacceptable, even within a
marital context.
I believe that there were many
implications for ministry within this book. In his letters to Timothy, Paul
teaches that leaders of the Church have to be able to manage their families and
that they are to be good husbands. Mark told about his struggle in ministry due
to the disconnect between him and his wife and how their church suffered
because of their faulty marriage. This is something that ministers have to be
aware of. If we do not take care of our spouses and build the relationship at
home, how are we to be affective in the Church? If ministers can’t love their
wives as Christ loved the church…then how do they expect to properly love the
church and take care of it?
In addition to the previously
stated, ministers have to deal with situations within their church in which
there are couples whose marriages are in disarray and are in need of help. The
minister has no right to speak concerning other peoples marriages if he himself
is not working at his own marriage. I’m not saying that it is required of him
to be the perfect husband or that the marriage be flawless, but that he be
working hard to keep it together and to be a godly man.
Also I think that perhaps it is
beneficial for a minister to learn to be somewhat open and honest about his own
life and him and his wife’s past experiences when counseling others for
marriage. In that minister’s openness they are able to better connect and it
allows the couple being counseled to open up and be honest about their marriage
and to share their pains and struggles.
The topic matter of the book ranges
from friendship within a marriage to the couples se life. Since the book
focuses on those who are already married, the topic of compatibility is not
really discussed. I’ve heard of marriage books actually containing
compatibility tests, which is pointless since they are already married and
can’t do anything about it. Mark and Grace spend a significant amount of time discussing
the topic of friendship and how it is the basis for a good marriage and healthy
sex life. Mark talks about how he and his wife read nearly 200 books on the
topic of marriage and not a single one of them talked about the topic of
friendship (pg 24). The Driscoll duo makes a great case for talking about the
importance of friendship in a marriage and it’s correlation to the couple’s sex
life.
There are three my parts covered in
the book. The first is Marriage in general, telling how guys and girls should
act within a marriage. This part also covers the topic of friendship as stated
in the above paragraph. The second part is totally about sex and what it is
from a biblical standpoint, as well as what is biblically acceptable in the
bedroom. The third is what I think is often overlooked within a marital
context. Driscoll talks about how so many couples pour all their efforts into
the “first day” of their marriage when “the last day is more important” (pg
204). He talks about the last day in reference to marriage ending in divorce,
standing over the spouse’s grave in regret of the life spent together, or in
rejoicing in all the memories that they have shared together. Overall I loved
this book and I would definitely recommend this book to others.
Works
Cited
Driscoll, Mark and Grace. “Real
Marriage”. Thomas Nelson Inc. Nashville, TN. 2012
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