The Nature of Me

"My soul cries out unto the Lord saying, 'Rescue me, oh my Lord, for I am but a man, a sinner from birth! Let me not fall into utter darkness...far from Your divine hand!' and in the darkness I wait upon the Spirit of the Lord, for I know that He who hears all will not turn from me forever."

From time to time I fall into a state of reflection, contemplation, and self evaluating...this is one of those moments. In the course of current life events I find myself utterly useless and unable to bear the burden of facing my everyday struggles head on. Even worse is my loss of time spent in devotion to my God. I guess it would be more accurate for me to say "the one true God" as opposed to "my God" since 1) He is not only "my" God and 2) I hardly treat Him as such these days. Sure, I pray and occasionally read scripture and I sure talk a heck a lot about God and theology, but didn't also the Pharisees of old do the same? 

Over the last few years I have grown and matured and changed my perspective on life time and time again...but I still have so far to go. Recently, I have begun to lose vision for my life, and as a result my perspective on the future (as well as the present...and maybe even the past) has grown dark and hopeless. Isn't it amazing what can happen to a man in a period of two weeks? Granted, most of this has probably just been festering in the back of my mind for quite some time, but recent issues have caused the revealing of them. I grow weary, I wonder about my ability to be on my own, to raise a family, to make an impact in people's lives...

Tonight I laid in my bed with my thoughts being all but silent and was unable to sleep...and the next thing I knew I was grabbing my phone and, after a quick tweet, found myself reading through the first four chapters of Genesis and thinking about God and the creation of man. I lit a candle in my room and began to pray. I prayed in a way that I haven't since June when I was in Amman, Jordan. Why? Because the greatest tragedy in my life right now is not all the issues and events going on my life...not the family deception...not the family members that are sick and dying. No, its that I have stood here thinking that I might be one of the few people in my family with his head on straight or of spiritual stature when I am the one who grieves the Spirit of God with my pride and my spiritual arrogance! There may be things that I am doing right...and I might be a person with a servants heart, but I am neglecting a holy righteous God! I have taken the Lord's name upon myself in vain, saying that I am a "man of God" when I show so little love and devotion to Him! What good is the knowledge that I have if I don't have the Spirit of the most high God dwelling within and around me? I have becoming nothing more a than a silhouette of my true self...darkness with just enough light to give shape and form to who I am. 

Therefore I find myself no longer in a state of reflection...but in a state of repentance! I am crying out to the God of the universe to save me from myself, because I cannot, and I seek restoration and for vision. I know that tomorrow I will wake up and I will fail again, but truly God is holy and just and He is powerful...mighty to save. May He save my every day of my existence...that I might spend every single day waking up to His grace and His salvation and learning to live in community with His Spirit. Little by little becoming more and more like Him and being restored renewed, and redeemed. Old wine skins...to new wine skins.

Uniquely Different For His Glory

If you walked into a corridor lined with various stone sculptures, you will face a duel reality...and yet it most likely that it will completely pass over your head and you will only recognize one of the two reality. Some will  see the statues before them and see stone...overs might see carvings. What I mean to say is that some will look at them and will simply recognize that they are all stone...of the same essence...all "alike". Other, however, will see the details of the artists carvings and scrapings and say, "look how different they all are!", but few will recognize the duel nature that they are all different but they are all the same.

One aspect of culture that I find fascinating is the tendency for people to all fall into a pattern together. I have found that there are very few people in the world you are are truly unique or "different". This is not a bad thing, but it is often taught as such. I hear teens talk about wanting to be unique, their own person. The best part is when you ask them why and they respond with "because all my friends are!" I find it rather humorous that pop culture teaches teens to "be your own person so you can be like everyone else" and they fall for this false ideology. In the end the most unique person is the one who is trying to be like someone else. Admittedly, I have gotten to see quite a few interesting expressions of fashion and artistic interest because of this cultural set up.

The beautiful part though is that it can inspire one to get out and try something new...discover their abilities or their skills. Granted this can also do the opposite...I believe it does more good than harm. I do not think that I would have discovered this about culture if I had not myself gone and interacted with other cultures in Europe and the Middle East. Italy specifically drew out this reality in that I saw people WANTING to be the same. The desire for "individuality", as Americans use it, was all but nil.

We must remember that God designed humans with a need for community and fellowship...something that is evident in our nations addictions to social media, MMORPG's (Massive Multi-player Online Role-playing Games), etc. Those who are always alone are depressed, angry, hurting, or mentally unstable. This is one of the reason why Paul commanded the believers to "not forsake the gathering of the saints" because he recognized the need for fellowship with like-minded people and the need for us to encourage one another. Are we supposed to be carbon copies of one another? No....HECK NO! We being different...complete each other. We all have different talents, hobbies, and interests and we make up a grand collage that displays God's handiwork and paints a picture of life and death, good and evil, beauty and perversion called...humanity.

So therefore we must learn to be ourselves, but maintain our connection to the rest of humanity...each a working of the Great Artist. For we are all designed uniquely, and yet of the same flesh or "essence". It is not  culture that effects us...its that we effect culture by swinging to one of the two initial needs for individualism and community, and we must train ourselves to be of the mindset that draws out both needs and satisfies them.

For the Church, it means actually getting in there and doing what you're good at, being the member of the body that you are and stop sitting back and being lazy or complaining that you don't have someone else's task, etc. You dishonor God in wishing you were someone else, slapping God in the face by saying that the gifts and talents that He graced you with aren't good enough. Worship and honor your God by seeking to fulfill His will for your life...form and fill the Earth with the talents and gifts that He gave you. I struggle to fulfill this myself. It's one of the taints of the fall, but we must strive to do this, even in the knowing that we will fail time and time again! God knows and understands our weaknesses and He will aid us if we seek Him and run after pleasing Him. I believe the Holy Scriptures clearly teach that He desires us to be in communion with Him and to Worship Him with all our minds. our souls, and our strength...and if it's His will He will make it so that we can overcome every obstacle that keeps us from fulfilling that task!

Homoattractive vs. Homosexual

I took this Letter from the Bryan College "Triangle Newspaper" website. The link is: http://www.bryantriangle.com/opinion/letter-to-the-editor-attraction-is-not-sin/ I decided to post this on my blog because I found the letter rather intriguing, and also because I felt that, compared to more recent articles and letters to the editor, that this was actually well written and thought out. The real question, however, is "is this an acceptable philosophy?" Leave your comments and tell me what you think!


"Dear Editor (and Ms. "blank"),
I read your letter to the editor this past week, and while there were several things that I agree with, the main point has been bothering me all week. I have to say, I disagree. You said, “I do believe that having attraction to the same sex is wrong and is an act that requires repentance.”
Same-sex attraction is not a sin. Same-sex attraction is not an act. Same-sex attraction is a temptation, and a temptation that a lot of research suggests will be with you your entire life. Attraction is also not the same as lust.
I believe that even you would agree with this. If attraction is lust, than attraction to anyone of the opposite sex is also sin, unless they’re your spouse (so good luck courting).
Instead the main Greek word used for lust, also often translated covet, can also be used for good desires (Hebrews 6:11 And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end). It is a desire or longing for a thing. But that desire is wrong, when it reduces someone to an object to crave.
Attraction, on the other hand, notices that the person your looking at looks good. I think that Emma Watson is attractive, and several of my friends. But that is not the same as lusting after any of them. Can attraction be a temptation? Certainly. Is it sin? No.
In the same way that I can be tempted to gorge myself on a feast, to hurt someone who’s wronged me, or to pridefully ridicule an opinion I disagree with, I can be tempted to lust after those I find attractive. It is not sin to feel temptation. Jesus felt temptation too. But being tempted isn’t wrong.
To single out a single temptation as being itself sin, requiring of repentance drives away those who desperately need our help. Instead it is typical for them to find the church’s doors closed. God spent time with sinners. He loved them so much it killed him. Though he tells them to “sin no more,” he also offers them forgiveness for their failings, and restoration.
So yes, “everyone struggles with something.” Your sins are no more or less acceptable to God than any other. Maybe we as the Church need to remember that we are just as flawed as those we so often seek to condemn."